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| (I'm thinking....I'm thinking...I'm thinking) |
But as I am able to start thinking about the answer to that question, the biggest worry to me is the feeling that we are already beginning to lose what we worked so hard to accomplish. I'm not talking about the miles that were cycled. Instead, its about the closeness that our family was able to experience as we traversed the length of America (twice!). Although it got to be hectic and wearing at times, we did manage to live in a small coccoon of family togetherness where, aside from those we met in our journeys, we were the only ones who inhabited our little world. Amy and I were able to see sides of our children we didn't know existed and yes, it was true that they did have a tendency to get on each others' nerves (and ours) out of shear boredom, we also found the times when they could be so loving and giving to each other (and to us) and we found times to really talk about things that were important to them and to us.
But now that school is back in session our lives are slowly sliding into the old routine we had before we left. Its frightening and saddening all at the same time. Frightening because it means the summer truly is over and we have to get back to the daily grind of all the things that we normally do then getting up and starting it all over again. Through it all, I'm smart (and metaccognative) enough to know that its just the nature of real life and that our summer on the road was a gift.
But the saddening part is losing that daily connection with the family. The challenge now (and I guess the first "now what" answer) is to find ways to keep that connection. How do we find the time to still make those "pit stops" we enjoyed (and which taught us so much) and be able to encourage the curiosity of our three little ones? How do we still find the time to wonder at the world around us and take those moments to "smell the roses"?
My sister-in-law Laura was able to make the transition from performer to a very successful life coach and indeed was one of our sponsors for our cross country ride. Indeed the title of one of her books and websites is "Now What Coaching" and the subtitle is "It's not WHAT you do, but WHO you get to be." I didn't really understand that subtitle until we took our journey.
Yes, we did something that many cyclists only dream of. We (and I mean that in the sense of my family and I) did that this summer. Although my children (and Amy) didn't ride every mile of the route with me, they were just as instrumental in the journey as I was. Without their support I could never had finished some of those 100+ mile days. Days that were necessary just to be able to finish the ride on schedule. There were days that just riding behind my children (especially Sarah) inspired me to keep on going and reminded me why I ride in the first place. And without the love that I saw in my wife's eyes every time she stopped the van that she hates so much just to refuel me and make sure I was alright, I never would have had the spirit to finish what I started. And the family that came up with our own little version of the Food Network show "Chopped" in which I give them all three or four random ingredients and they have to tell me what they will make with them and how - the family game that keeps on going!
So yes, we did this amazing thing but its who we have become as a family that is the most important. The closeness (some might say enforced) that we attained is something I truly want to hold on to. For in our journey I think we found our family again, who we are supposed to be.
So the answer to the question "now what" may simply be holding on to who we found along the journey. The family that laughs together and shares rides together and plays our little version of "Chopped" together. Despite the demands of school, shows, sports, music, etc., etc., etc., my goal is to keep this family, I like them and they have brought out the very best that is in me.
Did we raise $50,000? No. Did we even raise our revised goal of $25,000? No. Did we touch lives. I like to think so. Did we find something more precious and important than money? Definitely. My greatest hope is that we never lose that. Sarah mentioned at one point that she would like to do this journey again. I told her that maybe when she graduates college she and I can take this journey ourselves. However, it will have to be self supported as Amy has made it abundantly clear she's not going!
But still I ride. Every day I find more and more of my friends, family and colleagues who are fighting this horrible disease. Connor's Army started as a way to help the cancer community using my passion for cycling. I will continue that mission in any way I can. So, if you're out there in cyberspace and you're reading this blog entry, drop me a line and tell me what's next. I'm open for ideas!
But for now I want to share with you a song I heard by a country artist named Paul Brandt (crossing through middle America I listened to a lot of country) that really expressses what I'm feeling right now and what I hope I can continue to hold on to;
Stay well my friends, and I'll see you on the road!
To get another perspective of our journey check out Amy's blog at www.crosscountrymama.blogspot.com
It's not too late to still donate! Go to www.connorsarmy.org to find out how!
