I wish I could, I just can't, no mater how hard I try. Keep up with posting on a daily basis. As it is I'm still trying to reconstruct blog entries I started while on the open road. Invariably, after a long day of riding for 10 - 12 hours I would finally sit down to write only to find myself falling asleep at the keyboard after only a few paragraphs. I would quickly jot down some notes from the day's events before falling into bed with the full intention of coming back a few days later and finish them. Unfortunately, those days kept piling up more and more with the long days on the road until I have found myself with about fifteen blog entries that I'm trying go back and finish.
That fact, coupled with being back at work and sliding back into the old routine leaves me little time to write the way I want to. Sooooooo, I end up not blogging for a week or so at a time. I really don't know how people do it, how do they manage to write pages of blog entries every single day. I wish I could be like the Bike Snob and either have an intern or a helper monkey named Vito to write down my every thought. Or even a helper monkey named Steve who has a thought translater;
But alas, its just me with my own thoughts and not enough time to always get them down in a timely fashion.
As many of you know (or if not, its new to you) I once was an English Literature major. Now granted, my concentration was Medieval and Elizabethan English but I did occasionally delve into the more contemporary authors, especially when taking those granola crunchy poetry classes. A body of work that never appealed to me in college was that of Walt Whitman. I just didn't get him. I guess my not being from Long Island stunted my appreciation of this artist much in the same way it has any appreciation at all of Billy Joel (Moving Out the musical notwithstanding, at least it had Twyla Tharp's choreography) - I just don't get where he's coming from. So there you have it, I'm out of the closet - I DON'T LIKE BILLY JOEL!!!!!
But back to Walt. There was one of Whitman's poems that did seem to resonate with me and I found myself over the years appreciating more and more, his Song of the Open Road. As I traversed this great wilderness that is our country I found myself on occasion reflecting on the words of Walt and I would occasionally go to the link above and reread his words. And the ones that echoed time and again along with the cadence of my pounding pedals (when I wasn't listen to Foo Fighters, Green Day, AC/DC, Snow Patrol and others) was stanza 4;
| The earth expanding right hand and left hand, | |
| The picture alive, every part in its best light, | |
| The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is not wanted, | |
| The cheerful voice of the public road—the gay fresh sentiment of the road. | |
| O highway I travel! O public road! do you say to me, Do not leave me? | |
| Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost? | |
| Do you say, I am already prepared—I am well-beaten and undenied—adhere to me? | |
| O public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you—yet I love you; | |
| You express me better than I can express myself; | |
| You shall be more to me than my poem. | |
| I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all great poems also; | |
| I think I could stop here myself, and do miracles; | |
| (My judgments, thoughts, I henceforth try by the open air, the road;) | |
| I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me; | |
| I think whoever I see must be happy. |
And I had to admit that almost everyone I met on the road I did like. It was rare that I met anyone along the road that I found obnoxious or ignorant. Even the most uneducated people had a quiet and dignified wisdom about them and I found when I listened to them I learned much.
Of the many people I met along the road there was one gentleman that I really became enamored with. As I've written before, there were certain people that I kept running into along the way and I met many cyclists (mostly going West) that were taking on the cross country challenge for their own reason. But I came across this one guy who I just thought was amazing. He was funny, energetic, compassionate, patient, loving to his wife and children, and even though he occasionally lost his temper he had a positive outlook and optimism that was infectious. He inspired others and shared his joy of cycling with all the cyclists he met on the road. He stopped on the road in Kentucky to help a man push his car up a hill and stopped to help a woman who ran out of gas in Missouri. He took time to listen to others, no matter what their story.
If you haven't guessed, that man is me. I was freed up while on the road by the routine of waking up, riding, eating, blogging (mostly) then sleeping, only to wake up and start again the next day. The daily dose of endorphines kept me happy and positive but it was more than that. I found my family and my connection to them. Every single day I was reminded of how much I love my wife and children and how lucky I was to have a family that loved me so much that they would hear the call of Allons! and join me on this Quixotic journey. And yes, I rekindled my love of epic literature.
It was a bit disconcerting to hear people praise me and tell me how amazing I was, telling me that I was their hero (I kid you not). That always left me struggling for words because that's really not why I was doing this. I'm just a normal guy who has finally realized that I have been so incredibly blessed and it's time to take what I've been given and try to use it to help others. I'm not a hero, I'm not exceptional. Far from it, my wife would probably say I'm stubborn and hard headed. And in my head I often have this song running through it;
But the trick is to keep this change in me, to hold on to the optimistic, energetic, loving guy I met on the road and not let him regress into the short tempered, irritable, pessimist that I was turning into. As with any self help program its an uphill battle but one that I think is worth the battle. The trick is to be the change that I want to see happen in the world and to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day and see that guy. I guess the real sentiment has already been expressed extremely eloquently in the past and even though many have covered the song, it still sounds powerful when heard by the original artist;
I don't know if I can keep it but I promised the man in the mirror that I'll try to blog more often - wish me luck.
Stay well my friends and once I get myself back together I promise to see you on the road!
To get another perspective of our journey check out Amy's blog at www.crosscountrymama.blogspot.com
It's not too late to donate! Go to www.connorsarmy.org to find out how!
