Grateful Alive!

So I have to admit that I missed the Grateful Dead craze.  Musically I sort of fell into an in-between time and as a result my musical tastes are many and varied.  Because I moved from California to Georgia when I was in elementary school and I wanted so much to hold on to my California identity (can you blame me?) I listened to a lot of The Beach Boys.  Then when a bunch of the local boys and I started skateboarding I was really digging the surf scene, since grunge wasn't in yet.



Before I left Georgia for Germany I got into a lot of rock, especially Southern Rock.  Groups like Lynyrd Skynyrd;



Then when I moved to Germany instead of Disco, I found myself listening to groups like Queen;



Aerosmith:



The Kinks;



The Police;




The Ramones;



Pink Floyd;



And because I was living in Germany at the time I got a little into Kraftwerk, this clip is not really from the 70's, its from 1983 but if you watch it you'll know why I chose this song;




And there were many other groups that I listened to at the time that seminally influenced my taste in music but there are some that I notably missed out on - The Beatles (never really heard much of them until the late 80's), mainly because I just didn't have the interest or the exposure;  Bruce Springsteen, because they hadn't heard of him in Germany;  Billy Joel, because when I moved from Germany to Texas not many people listened to him down there - and a host of other popular musicians that people of my generation listened to.

And one of those was the Grateful Dead.  I know that most "baby boomers" spent many hours listening to "The Dead" and many of us are closet "deadheads" but I never really got it.  I guess its because once again, I wasn't really exposed to it and by the time I started choosing my own music it was really more the driving rythms of punk and rock that turned me on.

And another seminal influence from that time period was cycling.  I've written in the past about how I spent most of my time getting around in the summers in Ansbach via my cobbled together bicycles that my friends Ed Trevarrow, Mark Pariseau and I all would put together.  We'd augment them by buying a few parts from the shop in the old city of Ansbach but we'd go traversing all over the countryside in the summers with our toe clips (check out the Kraftwerks clip again) and panniers exploring as long as our parents would let us.

And to be honest, The Grateful Dead scene never really fit into it.  The music, the drugs, the hippy love throw back thing wasn't really us - and personally, I was too grateful being alive than thinking about being dead.  Its kind of stupid to say it now but I think that's one of the things that turned me off about the band.  I would hear about them and think, "what a stupid name for a band!"

And now that I'm older, I find myself grateful for the smaller things that I come across in life as well as the bigger things.  I know that I made a list of things to be grateful for in my last post but in just a week and a half, so many more things have happened to add to the list; big things like my daughter receiving an award from the Long Island chapter of the Association of Fundraising Professionals;



And little things like my children performing their own rendition of an old Holiday Season favorite but with a slight twist that they like to call "Santa Clause is Stalking You Now";



Or just living in a town where this happens every year;




And I am so grateful for so many things that have been happening on the Connor's Army Ride Across America front.  So much has happened in the last week that I've been dying to share but facebook posts just aren't the right place because I can't add as much detail so for those of you who are keeping up, here goes;

We got a mini van!!!!!!  Yes, I know what you're thinking, "why in the hell would you be grateful for a mini van?!?!"  Well, to be honest, I'm not sure that Amy is.  But it is a necessary evil if I'm going to be able to do this ride supported instead of hauling everything by myself across the country.  It has the DVD player for the kids and the rest of the support team, a trailer hitch for a hitch mounted rack that can carry more than one bicycle, a luggage rack for "the hamburger" and to strap down spare parts, and it was at a price we could afford.  We're going to have to put some money into it and it doesn't have "stow and go" seating but it has everything else.  And its black with tinted windows so it doesn't look quite as dorky.  I'm torn between naming it Vanikin Roadwalker or Vanna Black.  I thought about giving it a Spanish flair and naming it Vanna Negro but I'm sure that's racist and let's not even talk about what I REALLY wanted to name it - The Black Hole, since so much will dissappear in there!  Of course, I could just go with my German experience and name it Vanna Schwartz!

Our Facebook Page has over 1200 likes!!!!!  Now, I know that in itself doesn't seem to be such a big deal but it is.  We're hoping that by gaining some sort of significant exposure on facebook we'll be able to attract some more sponsors to help us with underwriting the cross country event.  We figure we probably need about $5,000 more in sponsorships and we'll be set for whatever evenutality we hit on the road.  But the popular support on facebook is a big step.  For those of you reading this that have liked our page - THANK YOU!!!!!!!  Your support is truly overwhelming to me and I know that because of it a big difference will be made.  Please continue to invite your friends and let's continue to grow!

This blog has over 10,000 views!!!!!!!!  I don't know how its happened but since we debutted this blog way back in June 2009, we have (as of this writing) 10,284 views!!!!!!  A year ago (January 2011) we had about 2800 views but since then it has taken off!  To each and every one of you who has looked at this site, or read these posts I thank you!  You've been following my ramblings (or maybe you're just looking for pictures and videos) and that means I'm reaching more of you.  If you've read this far in this post, please take a minute to go to our facebook page (if you're a facebook member) and add us to your likes - help us spread the word even further.

The Syosset High School Fashion Show!!!!!  And this is HUUUUUGGGGEEEEE!!!!!   After a hiatus of a few years the Fashion Show is making a return to Syosset High School.  Two of the most energetic young ladies I know are instrumental in making sure it happens and they are both counselors at Sunrise Day Camp.  They are going to use the fashion show as a fundraiser for Sunrise with the money going towards the $50,000 we are trying to raise in the Ride Across America.

Sunrise Syosset!!!!!  There is a group of students at SHS who are also counselors at Sunrise Day Camp.  They are going to meet with me on Monday to brainstorm how we can get the other students groups of Syosset High School involved in helping us with raising the money we're trying to raise for the ride.  The idea is that if a good percentage of the student groups at SHS (there's about 100 of them) can do some type of fundraising for the event (we're looking at it as a Team Sunrise event) then we might be able to raise enough at the school to send one child to camp for the summer.  That's $6,000 and for the school to come together to do that would be amazing!  However, if you're reading this and you would like to contribute on your own, you can go here and donate safely and securely!

My back!!!!  A lot of things could have happened when I had the encounter with the car door back in July 2010 but so far I seem to be doing well.  I didn't break anything and the only permanent reminders I seem to have are my scar and my tattoo!  We're not sure what the herniated disc issue is from but the one injection I had seems to be holding steady.  There's a little bit of pain but I'm going to set up another injection soon and with any luck I'll be ready to roll all 3600 miles!

RECycle for Sunrise is taking off!!!!  What started out as a way to try to raise more of the funds I need to underwrite the costs of the cross country trip has started doing so well!  Just today I sold three bicycles and two of those were from people who contacted me.  Folks are donating bikes for the effort (thank you sooooooo much Andrea!) and I know that the bikes are going to great homes so they'll make people doubly happy - those who'll get to ride them and the kids at Sunrise who'll benefit from the sales!  I'm not going to be a bike mechanic full time but I'm learning a lot and I know if something happens on the road I'll be ready for it.

So, its been a week and a half full of great things for Connor's Army and I thank you all my readers for believing in me, reading my words and for supporting something that I truly believe in my heart of hearts will make a difference in the lives of eight children far beyond what we can imagine.

So for now I'll leave you with this cool little picture that I found online.  I just thought it was funny and it shows some of the problems that cyclists face now are nothing new under the sun.  Oh, and if you made it this far, feel free to leave some comments!!!!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!!!!

A Matter of Perspective - Existentialist Musings

So today I'm having another one of my periodic Existential moments to which I am prone.  This is not to say that I only have them when I am in a lying down position (Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position? - Here's the answer), but I do tend to have some existential moments when I'm in my moments of solitude.  And, wonder of wonders - many of them happen to be while on the bike.  Of course, with my Thursday commute to New Rochelle (75 miles round trip) I do tend to muse quite a bit from behind the wheel of my car.

However, back to my initial tack (yes, a nod to my nautical in-laws) of my most recent brush with existentialism.  I have never been one to do things the easy way.  When I was in high school back in Ansbach, Germany


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I wanted to be really good at something.  For some reason the thing I fixated upon was wrestling.  I guess I figured that if you were only 4'10" tall in high school that was one thing where being small would be an advantage.  Anyways, this is what I looked like back in the day;

and

I was never amazing like Freddie, Rainer or a few of the others but I was good and I worked my tail off.  Afer the first year, when I was basically a "mat rat" and would get squashed every day, I decided I was going to work harder than anyone else to get better.  I started a routine where I would get up and run 3-5 miles every single day to build up my stamina.  I would run in rain, cold and even snow and back before global warming we would get three foot snows on a fairly consistent basis in Southern Bavaria!  Nevertheless, I kept slogging away and kept working at it because I wanted to be better.  I even started lifting weights almost every day with one of my neighbors in our little basement gym we created in his storage room (all the apartments had their own storage room in the basement - it was a cool little warren of "dens").  I also got into soccer (another sport where short, guys could excel) and was not too bad at it but wrestling was really my passion.

 I never got incredible but I was good and I even would go and work out with one of the German wrestling clubs (which is how my German got sehr gut) and when my dad got stationed at Fort Hood, TX during my senior year (yes, tell me how much it sucked to go to three separate high schools in you senior year) I would wrestle with the Army team that was stationed there.  I became sort of like a mascot to them and although I couldn't compete with them, I got some incredible training.  I even thought about trying out for college teams but many of them didn't want to see me since I wasn't competing on a high school team and wouldnt't go to a regional, much less a state or national meet.  Instead I threw myself wholeheartedly into Forensics and that began the long road to eventually performing musical theatre in Southern Bavaria only 45 miles from where I went to high school in good old Ansbach! 

That of course led me to the career where I met my wife, many good friends and had a great life until I decided that settling down and having a family was much more important than the disappointment I was facing as a performer.  It's taken me many years to finally realize that the frustration I was experiencing at the time I left "the business" was due not to my own failings as a performer but rather to the capricious nature of the wheel of fortune that permeates the theatre business - being "in the right place at the right time".  Sometimes I ruminate on where I would have ended up if I would have just stuck it out another year as I was still receiving phone calls out of the blue to perform or dance captain up to three years after I "retired". 

No, my frustration with "the business" was born out of my belief (and the ethics taught to me by my career military father) that if you did the right thing, worked hard and always tried your hardest people would take notice and you would receive the rewards (job, promotion, accolades, parts, etc.) that you deserved.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way with performing but I didn't know that then and I was never really good at playing politics or networking (sometimes known as "sycophantism", "obsequiousness, "brown nosing", "ass kissing", etc.) and the other non-performing areas of the business.  I was really good at taking class, working hard and trying to be better.  I wish I were more like Sally from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown , then I probably would have weathered it out longer (and yes, even though I'm not a big KC fan, I like the number)



But I was not as thick skinned as you need to be to thrive despite all the rejection of constant auditions and never getting the roles you really want.  I think now I would be much better at it as life has taught me more about patience (okay, I don't always have the most of it, but much better than I was back then) and I have come to realize that it is not just about talent - 15 years of being on the other side of the table has taught me that as well.  When all is said and done I am one of those described by a favorite poet (James Kavanaugh) as "too gentle to live among wolves".   Despite my underlying anger at injustice and inability to follow the rules (I guess I get that from my military upbringing) I am not a violent person and I still believe that if you treat people honestly and fairly and with compassion and empathy you can be happy and people will appreciate you for the good person you are.  And I still believe that if you work hard and work at being a better person you can reach your dreams.

So here is where my existentialist questioning has come in.  And to put us all in the proper philisophical frame of mind, a little Monty Python;



I really am starting to question what is the point of working so hard when its still about who you know and what type of connections you can make.  First of all we've run into road blocks in trying to raise the funds we need for the cross country ride.  At first when the angels at Smiles for Scott came forward and made the $5,000 grant I thought "thank you God, we are on our way and we can make this happen).   Now, afer countless letters, iquiries and please, we still can't get over the $10,000 mark.  So, we had to postpone the ride until next summer. 

And now, in trying to use the entire "networking" idea I've reached out to over 1500 people on facebook.  I've asked people to follow this blog, to "like" the Connor's Army facebook page and to show support for what is really a worthwhile cause.  Instead, I've only succeeded in annoying some people, some people aren't even "liking" the page (some of whom are former students who were very supportive of the original mission") and many (about 400) haven't even replied.  Its very frustrating since I think people might believe I'm doing this for my own self aggrandizement.

To be honest with all of you (I think there are a few more than 50 of you who read this so please do me a favor and sign up to be an official follower) I'm losing hope and as my catechumin training reminds me, I find myself slowly slipping into the sin of despair.  I'm not angry at God but I am starting to wonder if what I do with my life matter to anyone.  I worked over the summer and I saw the difference that our efforts as a staff had on those kids and I really felt moved to do something more - just as I did when I first formed Connor's Army.

Now I feel like I want to somehow make it possible for more kids to be able to experience Sunrise and to help them have the experience that will help change their lives and give them hope and joy.  But the road blocks I'm running into just seem to be getting larger and larger.  How do I get over them?  How can I get people to support what we're doing?  I sometimes read facebook posts where people really write about the most innane things and they get 75 responses and "real" dialogue happens right there on their face book page.  I ask people to simply take 15 seconds to add Connor's Army to their likes and they act like they can't be bothered.

I know there are some of you who read this and I apologize for my ranting.  Amy and my good friend Laurelle both would recognize this as being in one of my "blue funks" that I am periodically prone to.  Or, as the magnet on my refrigerator says, "An Irishman has an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains him through temporary periods of joy."   Well, I wouldn't say that I'm that bad but it is getting difficult. 

	Feel Free - Message in a Bottle - Police .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I would like to ask a favor of you dear readers.  Consider this a message in a bottle if you will.  I don't need an ego stroking, its not why I do what I do, but I would truly appreciate any input you could give me.  I'm really looking for creative ideas on how to overcome these two problems; raising support and raising funds for Connor's Army.  I know I'm a good person and what I'm doing is worthwhile and you dear readers are the choir to whom I am preaching.  My question to EACH of you is "how do WE reach others"?  How do we show others that in supporting and giving to these kdis they bring back postivie energy to themselves?  I really am looking for any ideas you might have.

I am not going to give up, I'm too much of a fighter (okay, read hard headed, sutbborn, obstinate, bullish, etc.) to give up but I am feeling the need for help so I'm asking - will you help me?

Of course, in that great philisophical belief "it could always be worse" I offer to you the experience of this track racer - WARNING! THE FOLLOWING VIDEO IS A LITTLE GRAPHIC AND NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH - but I figure if he can get back on the bike and ride, I will somehow find the means to ride cross country for Sunrise!


UCI World Cup 2011 - Awang's Splinter Update from British Cycling on Vimeo.

And that's why I like riding on the road and not on the track!  Oh, and by the way I'm getting some body art done on Wednesday!  I'll be posting a blog with photos about that later this week!

Stay well and I hope to see you on the road soon!