Keep Your Fingers Crossed!!!!

Okay, so I'm back on my bike again (as if I could stay off for long!) and I wanted to give you some updates/musings.

First of all, the title of this blog is all about sending out positive thoughts, vibes, prayers, good luck charms, etc that my video will make the semi finals of the "Win Any Bike Contest" sponsored by Bicycling Magazine.

On my last post I mentioned how I had assembled my crack team of future film directors to create a fun, hip video for the contest. Well, here is what they created; http://video.bicycling.com/video/Ride-for-the-Sunrise. I was going to just embed the entire video but unfortunately that's not allowed per the contest rules. So instead, I would encourage everyone you know to go on and rate it highly - perhaps that will encourage the judges to put me into the semifinals. MAKE COMMENTS! GIVE ME A HIGH RATING! (okay, enough of the subliminals).

I'm really not doing this for capitalistic reasons - my wife will tell you I really don't have space for another bike. However, with all that has happened to my family as it has fought its many battles against cancer I really need to do this ride to not only help those still fighting the disease but to show my gratitude that my immediate family is still healthy. My current bikes just aren't up to the challenge but I can't afford to buy one that will be right for the job so I'm hoping against hope that I can break into the semifinals and win one!

So, enjoy the video. After the final results I'll be embedding it on my blogsite for all of you to see but for now just click on the above line and post your comments!

Stay well, and I'll see you out there!

Riding in the Rain, Just Riding in the Rain

Okay, so maybe its not quite as etertaining as that great musical theatre classic tap number;

And I do have to apologize, since for all of those purists out there this is sacriledge! However, trust me, if Gene Kelly had thought about it, there is not one of those moves he couldn't have done. He was an amazing dancer, my idol and one of the greatest thrills of my entire life was the week I got to drive him around Dallas when he was there for his series of lectures about film and dance at SMU. I even got to go on a "double date" with him for the big gala reception with the high society of Dallas. It's a long story and maybe someday I'll chronicle it all. Needless to say, at the beginning of the week I was nervous to be in his presence, by the end he was telling me war stories of his time in the Navy during WWII. So I'm fairly certain that had he thought about moves you see up there, he would have put them in. However, for those you more pure about your classic movies here ya go;



But I have really digressed. What I did today instead was "Riding in the Rain". I don't know why I just felt like I had to ride today and it was raining so I put on the rain jacket, took a spare (read dry) set of clothes and headed out. So while it wasn't quite this bad;

I did manage to get thoroughly soaked to the skin. But it was worth it! It was so much fun! It wasn't too cold and I actually had one of the best rides ever! You always see those signs that have cute little sayings like, "a bad day fishing is better than a good day at work". Well, I have to say that it REALLY applies to cycling.

Then after school my film crew (Daniel, Dan Kahn and Phil) worked on the video submission for the Bicycling.com "Win Any Bike" contest - http://video.bicycling.com/contests/5K2KDZ3D8QTR7Z8G?cm_mmc=Bicycling%20NL-_-2010_03_11-_-contest-_-win_any_bike_2010 . You see, last year I did an honest and direct plea from the heart for a new bike so I can have something that will help me on my cross country ride next summer. I don't want anything incredibly fancy, just something that is going to help me get over the mountains and across the plains. However, I didn't even make the finals. What ended up winning was a slick rap-style video that was clever but it still made me think that the winner was only wanting a new bike for his own narcissitic purposes. Okay, here's the part where I reveal I'm not really a nice person - yes I was jealous! Even if it wasn't my video, there were a lot of people making appeals on the basis of various altruistic reasons and wishing to raise money for various charities. The winner got a bike because he wanted to look good.

So this year I enlisted the help of my potential Steven Spielberg types and I asked them to take charge of the filming and post production of the one minute video. So yesterday I rode around the parking lot for about 20 minutes while Dan, Phil and Dan filmed me (Dan Kahn even ran beside me filming while I rode very slowly...very very slowly). I'm sure its going to look amazing because they are the dream team behind a bunch of great promo videos for the theatre program here at SHS. Now, again I don't need anything fancy - and indeed Chuck Adams at Adams cyclery has told me that he could help me get a great price on a Trek cyclocross bike - a 2009 model from the distributor. However, I don't even have the money for a down payment to put it on lay away (ah, the life of a public teacher) so I'm hoping I can win one from Bicycling Magazine. That will take one part of the logistics for next summer's ride off of my check list and I can then focus on getting the RV, gas cards, camping and other items donated by sponsors - but first, THE BIKE!

Anyway, then it was off for home - with the 20 mph cross winds! Woohooooooo!!!!! I may have been slow but it was fun. I even managed to catch and pass another cyclist on the way......but I'm not racing!

So stay well and I'll see you on the road - and maybe someday it will be on my new bike as I train for the cross country Connor's Army tour!

Sarah Connor - Environmental Rock Star!

Today was an amazing day! You remember who saves the earth and all of humankind at the end of The Terminator?Okay, well, not really the character Linda Hamilton played in the movie. Although I am thinking of another Sarah Connor that might save the earth some day. Perhaps the one we see in this little movie;

Today was definitely an amazing day for our beautiful little girl. As many of you know, Sarah has had a rough year this year. Between school not really being challenging enough and all of the other angst that being prepubescent holds (not to mention some of the bullying she's been subjected to) its been a really rough ride for her. Its hard for her to remember that she is special and that its okay to think differently than those around you. Even in fifth grade its not easy to be a nonconformist. Its hard to think differently than others and to still feel like your special.

Well, this day was for her. We rode the train in (always a treat for the kids) and met Myna and Papa on the train (another treat) then we went into the city and rode the subway (again a treat). Then we finally made our way to the New York Headquarters of the Environmental Protection Agency.

Myna, Papa, Sarah, James and I made it pretty well unscathed through the metal detectors although I was glad I had on clean socks since we had to remove our shoes, belts, and anything else that might have metal in it. Amy and William had gone to Duane Reade on Broadway inbetween Duane and Reade Streets to get some cough medicine. They got caught in the big throng of people trying to get into the event and it took them forever to clear the detector.

But we finally made it to the top for a magnificient sun drenched view from the 30th floor! The kids were in heaven as they had refreshments ready for us. James even got to see the Statue of Liberty - which really made his day. The official photographer took a picture of the family and then we finally went in to where the ceremony would take place. Of course, William fairly early on announced "I'm Bored!" while James began reading his Geronimo Stilton book. I gave William my phone to play "Dig Dug" but ultimately ended up "fighting" with him because of his enthusiasm. Its just bad form to yell "yeah! awesome" when an elder of the Iroquois Nation is talking about how the environment is being destroyed by human activity. In the end he decided he wanted to listen. He paid attention long enough for Sarah to get her award (as you see in the video at :59). Then back to Dig Dug!

However the best part for Sarah was after the ceremony was all over. There were 40 different recipients of awards today but Sarah was the only child (at least in attendance)! As a result, almost everyone wanted their picture taken with Sarah. Even when she was getting her award, all of these people were coming up and taking pictures while she was getting her plaque - people we had no idea who they were! This pretty much kept up until we left the building. People wanted to shake her hand and kept telling her how she was the future! See - she will be the Sarah Connor that saves the world!!!!

Then we started walking towards dinner and we stopped by a memorial that was built to commemorate the African graveyard that was uncovered when they were digging the foundation for the federal building that currently houses the EPA Regional office. (check it out here at http://www.africanburialground.gov/ABG_Main.htm ) Anyway, there were a group from the High School for Film and Media Arts there looking at the iconography and taking photos. Anyway, once again people wanted to film the kids! These students just fell in love with our kids and one of them asked if she could take a picture with them. Then the advisor said, "maybe you'll see them in our yearbook next year!" I mean, I know my children are beautiful and all but really?

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur - dinner at the Vietnamese restaurant. A walk through Chinatown to get to the subway. Carvel ice cream at Penn Station and a train ride home. We ended the evening with video watching (what else?) Planet Earth. All in all it was a great day to be a parent - to see your child accomplish something that will last her entire lifetime, to accomplish something that many adults never achieve in their life, to see your child become the future of the planet. I hope she remembers this day and this feeling and the fact that no matter what the mean girls say - she is an incredibly special young lady - AN ENVIRONMENTAL ROCK STAR!

Stay well and oh yes, I WILL see you on the road!

What Now?

Okay, so it's not REALLY a reference to my sister-in-law Laura's online site although she is one of my biggest sponsors and supporters. No, what it's referring to is what do I do now with my blog? You see this happens to me every time I do the Victory Ride. I feel my blog is a way to connect the riders and those who are interested in my efforts to fight cancer to stay connected to what we're doing. But after the ride is over my feelings are that no one is interested in my mundane life so what do I write about? It leaves me feeling adrift. Sort of like this;

Considering this is Earth Day, it seemed like an appropriate image to put up. My daughter the budding environmentalist keeps reminding my wife and I about what happens with global warming and the animals that are affected by our actions. Of course, we have to remind her that part of that is turning off her light when she leaves her room.

But back to the real dilemma of this post. What would people want to hear about from me now that the ride is done? My regular commute? My love of the bike? My thoughts on life as I ruminate from the saddle? Will I possibly come up with some great revelation about the human condition or a life-changing scientific formula?

Of course, I doubt I'll have any great revelations unless I hit my head on a curb again.

I've also been using this also as a way to help me manage and talk about my grief. To tell the truth I'm still not done with that but every day gets a little better. But I know whatever I'm going through, its only worse for my family down in Knoxville. I only saw David periodically, they miss his presence daily. Between the bicycle and the blog I've been able to deal with it. Off course, the added double whammy of Aunt Janice's passing has also been difficult as well. My emotions still go in waves again and ebb and flow constantly which is why I've been riding a lot this week. The ride on Sunday was amazing but I still need the bike to help me manage my feelings.

I guess I keep hoping someone will comment on a post or give me an indication that what I write is still pertinent to someone other than myself. It does help me to write and it does make me feel better but you know what they say about people who do things for themselves because it makes them feel good - they can go blind!

So, I am going to keep writing my blog and keep musing on life and hope that it makes a difference. I know it has been to me. One thing I will say, in a strange way what I've been doing has been helping some people. I've gotten a few comments from people telling me how reading what has been going on has helped. I don't know. I guess what I'm saying if any of this makes sense to any of you let me know by casting me a line and just saying keep it up or something.

On another note, its really strange how I've found myself lately very connected to my departed loved ones as I ride. Not only my family but teachers, friends, former colleagues and others that have made an impact on my life. I found myself thinking of them sometimes as I ride but not in fretful, sad way but in a peaceful way. I sometimes find that as I ride (particularly on long, flat stretches or going uphill) I get into that Zen "state of flow" that occurs and all I'm thinking about is turning the pedals and breathing - not much else. Its at those times that I find myself thinking of those who have passed in my life and I (more often than not) find myself feeling at peace, as if they are smiling down on me. I guess that reminds me that I'm not riding for myself, I'm riding for them as well. My riding was begun as a way to show solidarity and support for those who have fought the battle against cancer. I guess in a way I'll always ride for them, no matter if its a charity ride for children with cancer or if I'm just out for my daily commute - I ride for those who can't. I ride to say someone believes in them, someone remembers them - as long as my pedals can turn, I will ride for them. And that's what's next!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS - AGAIN!

Yes, dear friends WE DID IT! We managed to put together our third annual (but second ACTUAL) Victory Ride to fight cancer! Connor's Army was able to finally get together a ride that looked like the one I had in my head three years ago! Of course, it only makes me now hope for bigger and better next year. Anyway, this year we changed our focus and decided to THINK GLOBALLY BUT ACT LOCALLY and 37 (that was the number registered but I think the actual number riding was 35) people banded together to make a difference in the lives of children! So you know what I think (click on the arrow below)?

There were all walks (or rolls) of riders out there today and I think most of us found ourselves challenged in various different ways by the ride. Overall, I think it was a great success - especially when you consider the fact that Amy Pilott and I didn't sit down and start planning the ride until January!!!! In only three months we were able to mobilize and get 30+ cyclists of all abilities and walks of life to come together with one common goal - to make a difference! I think the near $4,000 we raised will make a difference.

Was the ride perfect? Well, to be honest, no. From the beginning it was clear that some riders were not as prepared for the course as they could be whether it be mechanical issues or clothing issues. But as I told them at the start - this is not a race, its about being together and looking out for each other and leaving no one behind. We had three different routes - 13 miles, 26 miles and 44 miles and I think at the end of the day we all felt a little like this (Please note: these are only actors portraying the cyclists, no actual cyclist was harmed during the participation of this ride):

But, like I said, this was our first time organizing this event and from the comments of the riders we learned a lot of very useful ideas. The first thing is that we need to reevaluate the 26 mile ride. It seems people were split - some liked it, some thought it was too hard. For next year we may need a 26 mile route and a 26A mile route (the 26A would just follow what went on this year) with the 26 mile route going to the same rest stop but being less hilly overall. From what I heard the 13 mile route was perfect and I think the 44 mile route was a great one - especially since it gives the rider the option to climb Moore's Hill (as Chuck did solo, I wanted to stay with Dan and make sure he got back okay) which can be a great workout.

The second big thing we learned is that we need signs of some sort to point the way. This year the various villages requested we not paint the roads to indicated the routes. As this was our first year doing this we certainly did not want to tick off the powers that be because we want to be back next year. Now nothing as detailed and elaborate as this mind you:

But maybe something along the lines of this;

With perhaps a sunrise in the middle instead of a cyclist. Just an idea. I think that way riders can go at their own pace since they'll have the "trail of bread crumbs" to follow. This year we wanted to keep everyone together so some people were frutstrated because of the constant stopping to regroup. I know some people were frustrated because they'd just start to get a groove and would have to drop back. Personally, I know I could have finished the entire ride in less than three hours but again, this wasn't a race and the entire idea was for EVERYONE to feel as if they got to finish what they started. But, to those who want to go faster - we're working on it for next year - even if we have to stick small signs in the ground - no matter what, everyone WILL know where they're going so no one will feel like if they go ahead someone will get lost.

Some of the really good things we found from our first effort were;

1) the volunteers from the Peer Helper group who, along with the selfless help of Heidi Burian, made sure all 20ish riders from the combined 26/44 mile rides were fed (both times in the case of the 44ers).

2) the police escort for the 13 mile route!!!! Who knew???? They offered to escort us through the housing area but I thought they'd leave it at that. I certainly didn't think they'd escort them the entire way but they did! They had one car in front and one in back and then others that leap frogged forward to make sure the intersections were clear. Then when they came back to camp they had the sirens going - what a great thing for the riders to come back to!!!! If I get some video feed of it or pictures I'll update the blog with them.

3) the riders seemed to appreciate the food at the end of the ride. We got them heroes and other goodies and by the time I finally got back (more on that later) there was only 2 foot of heroe left from the 12 feet we started with! Hey, they worked up an appetite and it was well worth it, they worked hard and deserve to be fed. For many it was the first real ride of the season so to have that many people working up an appetite for such a good cause made me glad!

So in a nutshell, here is how it all went down;

At the start of day we gathered all the riders around and thanked them for their efforts and reminded everyone to take up as little road space as possible, watch out for each other, and don't leave people behind. As I told them, its a ride not a race (we'll save that for next year) the ride we took off with 36 riders (yes, I'll get a photo here to show you what it looked like) and we were all massed together although strung out on Colonial Springs Road. I took sort of a ceremonial head of the column until we got to Northcote then I stayed there to direct people into the turn. I later caught up with everyone as we regrouped to catch the stragglers. As we found out from the housing area, even that was a little hilly for some of the riders.

Our first area of confusion happened as we split off for the 13 and the other rides. Without me at the head of the colum (I was trying to play sweep and help some of the other riders stay together) the 26/44 milers took a right instead of a left but then got back on track. Maybe next year we'll have a volunteer with signs helping out. The next part of the ride seemed to work fairly well. We all stayed together up until the intersection of Sweet Hollow and Chichester Rd. until we realized that five of the riders missed the turn (I had seen them as I was at the back taking off leg warmers and I told them to turn but they missed it). However, Sandy Burian was with them and knew the area real well so we told them to just meet us at the rest stop.

Anyway, since Sandy was the sweep I was now in charge of staying at the back and making sure everyone got in to the rest stop. As a result I was the last one in to the stop. Its sort of embarrassing since it was sort of "my" ride but I was the last one. Oh well, it was more important to me that those at the end felt good and I could talk to them and help them up the hills! We all had peanut butter and jelly and/or honey sandwiches, fruit, gatorade and fueled up for the next part of our journey. Unfortunately, because it had taken us longer than planned to get to the rest stop, we lost a lot of our 44 milers. Of the ten we had signed up only five of us went forward with the extra loop - Chuck Gleason, Sandy Burian, Brett Burian, Dan "The Beast" Incalcaterra and myself.

Well, we thought we could make it back in an hour but it took a little longer. Brett and Dan were on mountain bikes and although I admire their ability to ride up hills on those, it did slow us down a bit. Brett is determined to do the ride again next year and I've already promised him he could borrow Pearl (my Diamondback Frankenbike) - if I still have her! Well, we eventually made it back to SHS (after some gorgeous riding) and Brett was cooked. His mom, dad and myself all told him to pack it in as he was already cramping up - but he'll be back!

We finally left SHS about 1:40 for the short ride back. It was pretty uneventful except for climbing up Hartman Hill Road. I think in the interest of the riders I will work on trying to get them a better route for next year - at least for the 25ers! It would be interesting to see what it would be like if we had really hammered the 44 and then hit Hartman Hill Road! That would have been a real sufferfest!

So we rolled in at 2:50 and we were the last ones there. I got the chance to see Amy and William on their way out to the party (William was very adamant that he wanted to see me come back) and my sister Angela and Brother-in-law Per and neice Annika were all there as well. James and Sarah were there cheering and welcoming us back. One of my favorite parts of the same day was the look of pride on the faces of my children as they saw their daddy doing something to help others. So you see, many of my main reasons for riding were all right there to welcome us back! And an added benefit was the fact that the original Team Lederman (yes, Jason and Ben - the dynamic duo) was there along with Amy Pilott who had been waiting patiently. So at least we got a welcoming committee of sorts.

At the end of the day, Amy told me that everyone seemed to have a good time and said they'd be back next year. I hope so. I know we didn't get it all right our first time but we're learning and trust me, we are going to try our best to take your suggestions and incorporate them so we can make this a ride that everyone wants to do. It really is important to these kids that so many people care and even if they never meet us, we know that we've done something to make the life of a child better! And honestly, what more can we ask as a purpose for our lives?

I met so many interesting and wonderful people today. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to talk to each of you individually and thank each of you for what you did today. So riders one and all, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, the bottom of my soul, and the bottom of my tired feet for all you did today. Please come back next year and help us make the 2011 ride even better - I promise you won't regret it!

TWO DAYS!!!!! And I Like to Ride My Bicycle!

So I've been riding my bicycle almost every day this week in order to get ready for Sunday's Victory Ride. For those of you who don't know, her name is "Black Betty" and the first track on my iPod that I listen to every day is, appropriately enough, Ram Jam's "Black Betty. What can I say? It makes me happy, it gets me revved up for the ride and gets me turning my peddles quickly. What it all boils down to is simply;

And that's what I've been focusing on for the last two weeks - my bicycle is my source of therapy, my cathartic tool, my escape, my stress reliever, my friend - okay, maybe that's a bit much. Regardless, I've been spending a lot of time in the saddle lately. Yesterday coming home was probably the worst day I had on the bike. I took a hilly route home and when I was about five miles out I felt like this;

Nothing I was doing was working and I was just totally cooked. I'm hoping that with a little rest before Sunday I'll be in good shape. Because quite honestly for Sunday's ride I want to look like this;Not this;

At least that's the plan I have in my head.

My sister Angela, brother-in-law Per and niece Annika will all be here as well. That will be really nice since Angela wasn't able to be at the first Victory Ride two years ago. It will be nice to have family there since this has been a month of roller coastering with the family.

If I don't get the chance to say it on Sunday (I'll probably be too much like the picture above to post) I'll say it now - MY WIFE IS AMAZING! She has really been my salvation during all the craziness of the emotional turmoil between planning the ride, trying hard to keep up with my Admin classes/internship, David and Aunt Janice's passing and also being able to keep up with all of her own issues. Having TRIED to fill her shoes while she was recuperating from her hip surgery I do know how hard her job is and yet she manages to take on so much of my own burden - she truly is an amazing woman and I don't know what my life would be without her.

I guess that's what life is all about. If you're lucky enough to find your soul mate and share your life with them, even a crappy day is paradisical (is that even a word) because you are with someone who shares your joy and your pain. But even if you're not with your soul mate, I think it is true that "a sorrow shared is halved and a joy shared is doubled". Isn't that what we should always strive for? Trying to help those around us?

Well folks, that's what we're going for in just TWO DAYS!!!!! Helping those around us and doubling their joy - the joy of summer, the joy of childhood, the joy of becoming who they are to be. Here's hoping that by the end of the day on Sunday we have raised the other $3,000 we need to be able to make that difference in the life of one camper and doubling their joy!

So my friends/readers I'll see you on the road this Sunday and if you can't be there, then go to the site and sponsor one of us and we'll ride for you!

Stay well!

Three Days!

So one of the more amusing things that has happened onstage at Syosset High School (at least as long as I've been directing the shows) was during our production of Fiddler on the Roof back in the spring of 2002 (can it really be eight years ago?). During the scene where the constable comes to tell Tevye and the other villagers that they have to vacate in three days the villagers talk amongst themselves and one of the actors had the line, "three days?!". Only the actor forgot his line. There was that awkward silence on stage as everyone knew someone had forgot their line and were waiting for someone to say somthing. Suddenly you saw the actor who was supposed to speak (he probably heard the crickets chirp http://www.naturesongs.com/cricket1.wav) get that deer in the headlights look:

And all of a sudden at the top of his lungs he shouted, "THREE DAYS!?"

Well the excitement I feel today at the prospect of our Victory Ride only being THREE DAYS away is similar. It makes me feel sort of like this;

Ahhh, if only I looked that good in my cycling jersey! Instead, I look more like this;

But even though I'm not sprintng for the big win at the Tour de France, I feel like we're really making a difference and doing something for others. As of this morning we've raised just under $3000 towards the campers at Sunrise Day Camp and I'm really hoping we can possibly get another $1000 before/by Sunday. It really feels like we're doing something positive here. And the fact that it is coming together so quickly is really the most amazing part of it all. Amy (my Amy, that is) has already started talking about the logistics of promoting the ride for next year. My hope is that we can make this an annual event on Long Island and really turn it into a great charity ride!

On another note, today has been a mostly good day. I haven't been sobbing or overly angry about anything and I'm really trying to embrace life. I miss my departed family members, oddly enough more so now than when they were still with us. My thoughts have been on them and their families fairly constantly over the last two weeks and that is a good thing. For as long as we remember them and pass on those remembrances of them to others, they live on.

So I ride and I think of them. I ride and I try to envision the camper(s) that will be helped by what we will do in three days. I ride and I think of others who are facing the disease that is called cancer. And I ride and I thank God that he has given me all the gifts he has bestowed on me - talent, passion, career, students, friends, family, children, and a loving, supportive wife. I truly am a rich man - Yada deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road, especially in THREE DAYS!!!!

Sobs and 4 More Days!

So all the literature warns that when you're dealing with loss the emotional changes between stages of grief can come unexpectedly and leave you on an emotional roller coaster. That was certainly the case today. I had been having an okay ride into school when I finally pulled up to the door for school. Suddenly out of nowhere I started sobbing and couldn't stop for a good five minutes. I don't know why. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular, it just started up. I then pulled myself together and by the time I had to go to teach my first period class I was manic and bouncing off the walls.

However, since then its been a pretty good day. I've gotten some good news on the internship front - it looks like things are going to work out really well and I'm excited about the district internship. Maybe someday when I grow up I'll be a real boy, umm, I mean I'll move on to being a coordinator.

AAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDD, ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS UNTIL THE VICTORY RIDE! As of this morning we have 15 riders (although I have verbal commitments from about six more riders) and we've collected about $2500 in pledges - almost enough for 1/2 a camper! With any luck we can collect another $3500 and that would get another camper to experience a great summer at Camp Sunrise!

So, if ANY of you have been sitting on the fence about riding with us, now is the time to go online to my website (the link is to your right) and click on the "Victory Ride" link and come join us! You'll be giving a lucky child a great gift and you'll do something great for yourself at the same time!

Sooooo, stay well and I'll see you on the road!

Another Reason to Ride

Today is a mixture of emotions for me. I realize that when I first started writing this blog it was basically just to update everyone on how the year-long Connor's Army effort was going. As I started to gear up for this year's Victory Ride - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S ONLY IN 6 DAYS? - I initially began writing this blog again to let you all know how it was going, what we needed and how YOU could help. Well, that hasn't changed but my life has.

However, the last two weeks I have been side tracked by a series of family tragedies. I honestly can't say that I have much motivation to do anything but get on my bike and crank the pedals - and be so grateful for my children and my wife. I know that my family is with me and they support me but it has been rough on them, especially for the few times that I haven't been able to control my anger and it just busts out of me - but I am getting better. My wife is probably the most supportive person I could ever wish for - even if she doesn't always think she is. I am a very lucky man.

Anyway, today it has been one week since I became aware of the double whammy of the passing of my Aunt Janice from cancer. I'm still pissed at cancer and I'm still wanting to do something more. How could cancer take this wonderful woman out like that? Here is a picture of her in younger days. In my head this is how I remember her.

Now, in six days I'll be able to do a little bit as I ride to raise money so kids with cancer can have the chance to just be kids for the summer as I was able to be a kid when I stayed with Aunt Janice. It's a little depressing because the money (or the riders) are not coming in as I had hoped they would. We really need more people to ride to show support for these kids and if we (okay, especially ME) could just get some more sponsors it would be such a help to these kids. We really are hoping to be able to raise $6,000 - the cost of one camper!

Yesterday (actually this morning) I also became aware of another reason to ride and on my ride in this morning it had me in tears every time I thought about it. David's widow Ronda sent me an e-mail that was responding to one of these posts and what she wrote touched me and made me even more determined than ever to use my bicycle to make a difference. She wrote;

"I was told a story by a good friend of David's and know I know why David did this. His friend Dave Pearson told me a story about when David worked for Wilburn's, he said David went out and bought a bicycle and rode it to work and he did this a few times but realized he did not have the strength, or let's say the the energy, to ride the hills to get to work. He was trying to be like his big brother and ride his bicycle where he needed to go, and I think a part of that was to also lose weight."

I never knew that he had done that and I'm sure not many people knew it either. Now it will be too late for me to ever be able to go on a ride with him. Had things been different and I had known about this, I would have made it a point to ride through Knoxville next year on the cross country ride and spend some time riding beside my little brother. That's not possible now but I will ride as much as I can and try to ride to make a difference in someone's life. And if I can work it out, I will still try to ride through Knoxville and know that David's spirit will be riding with me for he has certainly just made a difference in my life.

So if you're reading this please help us out in one of three ways;

1) Sign up to ride with us next Sunday,
2) Sponsor me online and I'll ride for you,
3) Tell your friends about what we're trying to do and encourage them either to ride or sponsor me!

Any of the ways you can will make a difference in the life of a child and will make certain that they'll have a summer to remember!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.

Back to Work!

So today was the first day back at good old SHS! Its been nearly two weeks since we were last here and its 80 degrees outside! So given everything that has gone on in my life in the last two weeks I was going to ride today, come Hell or High Water!

So I left this morning thinking "who in the heck said it was going to be warm this morning?!?!" as my legs and fingers kept getting colder and colder. But as I warmed up I started having a better ride and my legs felt strong. However, I couldn't get David and Aunt Janice out of my head. As I was freezing I kept thinking, "yeah, but its nothing compared to what her treatments were like!" After that I decided I needed to do one thing - HAMMER! I just had to get it out, and get out the anger and the tears and the frustration I've been feeling and continue to feel.

I also have been dealing with a lot of guilt because to be quite honest I've done none of the work this break that I was supposed to do. I didn't do the rehearsal calendar, I didn't do my admin work, I didn't do the grading I was going to do, didn't do the boys' science fair projects and didn't do the work around the house. I'm really not sure what I did becuase the time was just gone. I would like to think that maybe I just got sucked into some black hole void but I know that's not true becuase all of this really did happen.

So, yeah, I'm back at school and the classes have been going okay. It's also hard to get the momentum back due to the fact that our week before the vacation was truncated by the evacuation because of asbestos. So we've all had 13 days of vacation and nobody is really motivated to get to work. It sort of stinks since the end of the marking period is next week! But getting to work has been helpful and being surrounded by my kids has been a great tonic. When I opened my office door this morning there was a line of about ten kids ready to give me a hug and they've been doing it periodically all day. When people ask me why I want to be a school teacher, this is the reason - because they give back as much as they get!

Callbacks for Merchant of Venice are today so I'll be busy throughout and then I get to get outside and ride home! Since Amy's picking up the kids I'll take the long way home and try to HAMMER a few more hills! It'll be more difficult since I'll be carrying lots in my backpack but that'll just add to the sufferfest - and maybe that'll take my mind off the pain for a while.

11 days until the Victory Ride! I can hardly believe it! I just hope we can get some more riders for the event. I would be very happy if we could just get 40 people to ride with us. Right now we only have 9 so I hope we can get more to join us. SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND YOU LIVE ON LONG ISLAND - SIGN UP! We really need you!

That's all for now. Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

I Hate Cancer! Catharsis, Part 3.

So if any of you have followed my blogs, either recently or for the long haul, you know at least two things about me - I like to ride my bicycle (yes, the anthem of Queen should be resounding in all of your heads right now), and I Hate Cancer! Today I had the chance to combine both of these "passions".

You see, I received word from my sister Tamara today that our Aunt Janice died on Saturday. We knew she was sick and she was too sick to make it to David's memorial but we didn't know how sick. Now we know and to tell you the truth, it just pisses me off.

You know how in your life there are little things, little moments in time that solidify certain times of your life. All you have to do is think of them and you know where you were and mental images just pop into life. I do that all the time. All I have to do is think of a certain time in my life and the mental images just come up. I have a lot of those images in my head from my Aunt Janice. During a very developmental time of my life I spent the better part of three summers with her - the summers after I turned 8, 9 and 10. One of the biggest memories I have of her is how patient and gentle she was with me when I needed my stitches out.

I wasn't really a big cry baby but I was known for getting into things. Usually taking them apart and then my dad would have to put them back together again. Well, one May while on a fishing trip with him I decided to make a bow and some arrows out of sticks I found around and some fishing line. While notching the arrows so the string would fit the stick split and the knife ended up slicing my thumb down the middle lengthwise and cut down to the bone. A crazy, mad rush to an out of the way hospital later I was stitched up and the inside of my dad's pickup truck had a lot of my blood in it (good thing I didn't disappear, but this was way before CSI)! Well, the stitches were unique (at least for me who had been stitched up many times before - I was an "adventurous" kid) in tha they went right through my thumbnail - ouch!

Anyway, when I got to my Aunt Janice's house for the summer the stitches needed to be taken out. I remember so well how gentle she was and how patient she was with getting those stitches out. Even though her own children were very small at the time she was so good at it that I barely felt anything. I spent the rest of that summer and the next going between her and my Grandma Connor's house but my times with her (and running amok with the neighborhood kids) was exactly what I needed for the summer. During a very developmental part of my life, she provided a chance for me to have summers with a certain kind of nurturing that I really needed. She even sent me to Bible Camp - but that's a story for another time. Unfortunately, due to some tricky family dynamics and issues I drifted out of touch with Aunt Janice and the summer of my tenth year was the last time I saw or heard from her.

Yet today the memory of the stitches and of those summers came flooding back as I rode and pushed myself up the hills - I searched out each one that I could and attacked it like I was attacking this hateful disease that has touched my family yet again! I just wanted to pound something and just keep attacking it. And as I was attacking I had another cathartic moment, one that was equal parts emotional catharsis and mental/spiritual epiphany. In my ride I resolved one thing for certain - my cross country ride HAS to happen next summer! I need to do something MORE to help all the others that are fighting this disease - especially the kids who have done nothing but try to grow up and be kids. They deserve the same kind of summers I had - the chance to run around with friends, play games, swim and just have fun.

So as I finished up my 30 mile slug fest with cancer, before I went home I stopped by Adams Cyclery and spoke to Chuck about what kind of bike I would need for the cross country journey. I was still pissed and hurt and close to tears but Chuck was great and supportive and after talking a bit we decided that a cyclocross bike with rack mounts would be the best for my needs. A good, light aluminum frame (no crabon for me!) with a compact front crank to handle the mountains. Since Adams Cyclery is one of my sponsors he said he could help me get a 2009 model (which is vastly cheaper than the 2010s) and I can do it on lay away (wow, people actually still do that). Unfortunately, with finances being what they are now I can't even afford the down payment, much less the $1400 for the whole bike, argh! I keep hoping I can find a way though. So, if anyone out there sees any leprechauns (and catches one) or wins the lottery and wants to share the winnings, (or if any bike companies out there are reading this and want to throw a good quality cyclocross bike my way, lol) its a Trek CX-01 and I'll put you down as a sponsor!

But no matter what - Cancer continues to piss me off as it keeps insiduously sneaking up on little cat feet and touching my family. I hate it and I would love nothing better to help eradicate it in our lifetime. For now I'll do what I can for those youngest members who are fighting it - but next summer Cancer better watch out!

Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road.