And The Wheel Keeps Turning

For those of you who have been following this blog I apologize for my silence over the last eleven days.  I had gotten so much better  in the last month with my postings and although my 2011 postings (35) have only been half of those in 2010 (74), I had recently been very excited about Connor's Army and our Ride Across America for Sunrise.  Well, in the way that God has a way of laughing at us;



Of course, Mr. Chopra's view of God's Laughter is at complete odds with those of Order of the Ebon Hand, a black metal band from Greece.



And this in turn is not to be confused with the playing card from the game Magic: The Gathering;

(White Clerics Beware!!!)

Which, according to my daughter Sarah, is a really good card to have.  I honestly wouldn't know since I am magically impaired (as opposed to magically delicious).

Anyway, back to my original reason for writing.  I have been vascillating for days on whther to post this because to be quite honest I haven't been this down and despondent in a very long time.  I guess the last time I really felt this pessimistic about life would have been back in October of 2010 when I wrote about feeling like a raisin in the sun.  For those of you who have forgotten Langston Hughes' masterpiece, here it is;

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

What has gotten me back into this state of blue funkness is something that has recently occured in my efforts to raise money for Sunrise Day Camp.  And no, I'm not talking about the song by Heavy D & The Boyz;



A month ago you may remember that I wrote about how things were going well with our efforts to get support for our Connor's Army Ride Across America
(aka, Connor's Army XC; aka, CARAAM) looking up with over 1200 followers and almost 10,000 views on this very blog.   The Fashion Show advisor and students in charge had informed me that the even twould be a fundraiser for Sunrise (the idea being that the proceeds would count towards the $50,000 we're hoping to raise with CARAAM), Sunrise Syosset had formed, other clubs were excited about getting involved with helping fundraise (including Sports Night).  Everything seemed to be on track and it seemed like I had the support of a village, or at least a school.

And then the cast list went up for our spring musical!
 
Now, as you may know from reading these pages, I am a high school drama teacher by day (okay and sometimes by night too) and three times a year I have the task of casting our main stage shows.  It has to be the one part of my job that I truly hate.  Not because I find the process itself difficult.  I've learned over the years to really pay attention to all the kids do in auditions, to take in consideration all they've done in the past, what I know of their work ethic and how far they will push themselves to creat the role.  I use all of this information when I cast a show and I try to cast the best OVERALL show that I can.  I know I've personally been to many productions (including professional *cough* Broadway productions) where the male and female leads are amazing and everyone else is just window dressing and blah!  My own personal philosphy is that my job is to collect the best cast I can and cast them in the best roles for the overall production so that the overall show is strong.  Its sort of like coaching a team - you don't want just your quarterback/pitcher/striker/race leader to be amazing and everyone else just there.  That doesn't win games or races, it just gets your quarterback/pitcher/striker/race leader targeted and/or pummeled.

So I've strived over the years to always cast the strongest OVERALL show possible and put all the personnel in the best slots for the overall show.  I use my knowledge of them to know what they can do, what special talents they might have and how far I can push them and how far they will push themselves.

But sometimes that's not good enough.  It's almost like that monologue from 'Dentity Crisis by Christopher Durang when the character Jane talks about an experience she had as a child watching a production of Peter Pan.  She describes the ending of the play this way;

"You remember how in the second act Tinkerbell drinks some poison that peter is about to drink in order to save him? And then Peter turns to the audience and he says that "Tinkerbell is going to die because not enough people believe in fairies. But if all of you clap your hands real hard to show that you do believe in fairies, maybe she won't die." So, we all started to clap. I clapped so long and so hard that my palms hurt and they even started to bleed I clapped so hard. Then suddenly the actress playing peter pan turned to the audience and she said, "That wasn't enough. You did not clap hard enough. Tinkerbell is dead." And then we all started to cry. The actress stomped off stage and refused to continue with the production. They finally had to lower the curtain. The ushers had to come help us out of the aisles and into the street. I don't think that any of us were ever the same after that experience. It certainly turned me against theatre. And even more damagingly, I think it's warped my total sense of life. I mean nothing seems worth trying if Tinkerbell is just going to die."

Well, sometimes when I cast the shows I find that sometimes just getting a good part isn't enough for the kids or thier parents.  As a result, I've had my job threatened on more than one occasion.  Usually I'm okay with that since we have a consistent process in place for casting the shows and although the final decision in casting is mine to make, I never go about it lightly and in the case of the musical I never do it without conferring with my colleagues.  We don't always agree but in the end I think the casting of the musical has always been made with the right people in place. 

However, when parents start railing about me in public places in town to other parents and start declaring they are going to have me fired because of the way I have cast a show it really does start to make me wonder what I'm doing here.  It starts me into that Blue Funk that really makes me wonder why I spend so many sleepless nights worrying about if I'm making the right decision in my casting choices.

But what really has thrown me back to the feelings I was experiencing in the fall of 2010, that is the feelings of wanting to give up is the fact that this time its gone even further than just talking about.  This time a parent, in order to get back at me has charged that I'm exhibiting a "conflict of interest" and abusing my power by making students and parents feel like they HAVE to support my philanthropic efforts (Connor's Army and Sunrise Day Camp) or they won't get good parts in the shows.  In other words, that I have been "blackmailing" the parents and kids into supporting my efforts to help Sunrise.  My answer to that is really shock, disbelief, anger, hurt, and frustration.  I mean, really?!?  My father was a career military NCO and I was in no way EVER raised with any type of silver spoon - if it were anything it might have been a plastic spork - but what he did give me was a deep abiding sense of honor and honesty.  I would never sell any favors to anyone for anything.  To quote Brutus from William Shakespeare's Julius Caeser;

What, shall one of us
That struck the foremost man of all this world
But for supporting robbers, shall we now
Contaminate our fingers with base bribes,
And sell the mighty space of our large honours
For so much trash as may be grasped thus?
 
My honor is everything and its all that I am likely to be able to pass on to my children (that along with a couple of bicycles and some guitars).  So why would I sell my honor to raise a few dollars for charity? 
 
Now, have I been telling everyone (including you dear readers) about what I'm planning to do this summer?  Yes.  Have I been reaching out to everyone I know and asking them to support us on facebook?  Yes.  Have I asked people to pass on information about us to anyone who might want to sponsor us and help us be able to underwrite the costs of gas, tolls, accomodations for on the road?  Yes.  And that's where the trouble lies, according to the school district that is all inappropriate behavior and I am abusing my power.  Really?  In order to help children with cancer I have reached out to the people (aside from my own family) with which I have the most contact and who know me best and that is considering selling the casting of the school shows.  In other words, I am now considered to be the Syosset version of this guy;

(Rod "I-never-met-a-bribe-I-didn't-like Blagojevich)

As if I'm going to risk everything I've worked for the last fifteen years in order to give someone a really good part.  Again, my honesty and integrity is all I have and that is now being dragged through the mud.  Or at least that's the way it feels.  So just for the record, for any of you who have made it thus far and who are still reading this let me say this as UNEQUIVOCALLY as I can - I HAVE NEVER "SOLD" THE CASTING FOR A SHOW, I WILL NEVER SELL THE CASTING FOR A SHOW, AND I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING BUT DO MY JOB AS HONESTLY AND HONORABLY AS I CAN.  And yes, again to quote Shakespeare this probably smacks a bit of "the lady protests too much methinks" or being reminiscent of this guy;

(Checkers believes me!)

If you can't tell, I am incredibly upset by all of this.  But what is even more important, I think I am truly falling into a state of despair that I'm not sure I can recover from.  And this is why its taken so long to write this latest blog post.  Its had me so depressed about the prospects for Connor's Army that during this winter break I only rode one day - in a week that was full of temperatures in the upper 50's and low 60's!  And this from someone who has logged more than 3,000 commuting miles this year.   The reason being is that all of this information about the "abuse of power" charges hit me only a week ago.  So I have spent the entire break upset and pretty much feeling like I don't want to do anything.
 
Why?  Because I was told that I could do not promotion of Connor's Army to anyone at school.  I had to go on Facebook and delete any posts that went out to the kids asking them to support Connor's Army in ANY way, shape or form.  I can't ask colleagues to help support Connor's Army and I can't reach out to the people where I spend most of my adult life.  I reluctantly agreed to this because if parents were feeling pressured to support my own personal not-for-profit group I could certainly understand a cease and desist order.  I wouldn't want anyone to think that there was any sort of inpropriety going on.  I took out the brochures that I had posted in the faculty cafeteria.  I complied in every way that my supervisors asked me.   NOW PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS CLEARLY, I DO NOT BLAME MY BUILDING ADMINISTRATORS AT ALL!  Especially, given my experience in my administrative classes (yes, everyone I am certified as a School District Administrator) I know that when a parent makes this kind of complaing they have to cover their bases.  So sadly, I packed up my car and headed home for the holidays.
 
That is when the other shoe dropped.  I received a phone call at home from administration saying they spoke to the parents involved again to say I would not be promoting Connor's Army again at school to parents, students or teachers.  But just like Peter Pan, that wasn't enough, I didn't clap hard enough.  Now the argument was that if there was any fundraising happening for Sunrise and my name was in any way associated with it, students would still feel pressured to help out becuase they would feel that if they didn't they wouldn't be cast in any shows.  That means the Fashion Show could not raise money for Sunrise if I was involved.  Sports Night can't raise money for Sunrise if I'm involved.  GSA, Peer Helpers, Exercise Physiology, Interact, MLK - no student group could raise the money for Sunrise if I am involved in any way.  In other words, if the students wanted to help me raise $50,000 and send eight kids with cancer to camp and possibly change their lives forever, they can't do it if I'm involved.
 
And that my friends is what hurts.  That is what makes me wonder if what I'm doing is worth it.  That is what makes me feel like selling my bikes, my cycling clothing, my repair stand and just giving up.  The joy of riding is somewhat diminished becuase I feel like what is the point, I'll never raise the money now.  And all because someone was mad at me because of casting a show.  Becuase of that anger and the desire to get at ME, eight innocent children who have never done anything to hurt these people are now going to be denied the chance to have a summer like other kids.  And that is what makes me feel so damn depressed.
 
And then I started reading Michael Moore's autobiography Here Comes Trouble a few days ago and he describes what life was life after he received the Oscar for Bowling for Columbine.  In his acceptance speech he said that we lived in fictitious times with a fictitious president and since it came only two years after 9/11 he succeeded in invoking the wrath of the American public.  He had death threats against him, he was effectively black listed in the film community and he felt like giving up entirely. 
 
However, he also managed to become close friends with Kurt Vonnegut during the last year of Mr. Vonnegut's life.  Towards the end he had a conversation with Mr. Vonnegut in which he said his son had helped him figure out the meaning of life, "our purpose here is to help each other get through this, whatever it is."  Our purpose here is to help others, especially those who have found themselves in a worse state than ourselves. 
 
I read his words and a light bulb went off in my head.  Of course, that's it.  Our point here is to help others - Not to wage wars of enlightenment, not to dictate other peoples' morality, not to preach for the conversion of their souls, nor to enslave them to politics that don't help them get through the day to day.  No, its to help make life better for each other in whatever way we can.  Perhaps by teaching.  Perhaps by feeding them.  Perhaps it will be by donating our time.  Me, I ride my bike in the hopes that I can make life better for the children of Sunrise.
 
So I am going to go on.  I may not be able to raise the same kind of money that I hoped to do before but whatever we raise, we raise.  I can't stop trying to help these kids.  Perhaps someone will read this and be inspired to help me raise the Monies that I can't raise through teh channels at SHS.  Who knows?  I do know that I WILL be riding and I will keep trying to make a difference, to help others get through this, whatever it is.
 
And now for the dessert, a little number by a group called Cake;



Thank you to everyone who has believed in me - I'll try to justify that belief in the six months coming up and as I ride the 3600 miles from San Diego!

Stay well and I WILL see you on the road!

Frozen Cyclist (on a stick)!

And the above picture pretty much sums up the way I felt when I rode in to school this morning!  You see, when I finally arrived at school this is what Weather.com said the outside temperature was;



Of course, the good folk over at The National Weather Service said the temperature was actually 20 degrees but I'm not going to get into the debate over whose more accurate.  To tell the truth, at those temperatures, four degrees really doesn't mean much.  Especially when the wind is gusting up to 25 mph!  It really felt like I was riding on rollers in a walk-in cooler!!!!  I truly just felt like an popcycle shaped like a cyclist.  Of course, this is not to confuse me with Jose Jalapeno on a stick who is usually much warmer (being a jalapeno) than I was;




Of course it could be worse, it could be like cycling in the Antarctic;



Now I have to say as I rode in I saw a lot of curious faces.  Well, not so much curious as flabbergasted.  They sort of looked like this;

(What the ????????)

Although (speaking of lemurs) I have to say that at one point during this morning's ride I felt like this (fast forward to :52 and leave it there a while);



Mainly becuase I was pedaling as fast as I could but with the wind gusts on my nose, I was only averaging 15 mph!!!!   But mostly people seeing me ride into work were asking me the simple question "Why?"  Well, its not so I can do my impersonation of an Emperor Penguin;



Though I suppose if I WERE a penguin I would be more like this guy;



But it would be a cross between dancing and cycling I think.

No, the real reason I'm riding in this weather is that I have to get used to a couple of things - 1) Riding EVERY day (or at least ALMOST every day) and 2) Riding in all kinds of weather.  I realize it probably won't get to be 20 degrees at any point during my ride IN THE SUMMER but I do have to get used to riding in some degree of coldness as I'll be passing over a couple of mountain ranges.  I also have to get used to riding in the wind.  We're planning on leaving at the end of June and traveling east to catch some of the westward winds but there's never a guarantee - especially on the plains of Kansas!

So, I plug away and I'll keep on riding in all kinds of weather becuase I just can't see the possibility of telling the kids of Sunrise, "oh, I couldn't cycle the whole way becuase it was too cold (or rainy, or windy, or hot)."  No, its 3600 miles or bust come rain, shine, hail, tornado (okay, hail storns and tornadoes MAY slow me down a bit), fog, gloom, and dark of night.  Hey, maybe I should just work for the US Postal Service.  But of course, we know they don't support cyclists!

Okay, its time to retire for the night and get ready for tomorrow's big commuting ride - at least its supposed to be warmer!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

Over the Airwaves Straight to You

(Bicyle Times - A proud sponsor of Connor's Army)

Over the last year we've really been trying to push the presence of Connor's Army as much as we can.  Its hard because there is really only Amy and myself running this group.  Unlike a lot of other charities, we don't have a huge group of people behind us pounding the streets and soliciting donors or sponsors for us.  I really wish we did, it would certainly make all of this much easier and we would probably be close to our goal already.  I was having a "conversation" (I'm really not sure what you call it these days since so much of our communicating gets done cyberly) with Heidi Goodstadt Burian today and I was telling her how difficult it has been for us.  She and a few others (Danielle, Jason, Jamie, Melanie, My Beginning Acting Class, and quite of few of my ACTers current and past) have been helping get the word out and it certainly is reflecting in our numbers.  For instance, if you're reading this right now you have gotten us a step closer to 11,000 views!!!!!!  I'm sorry but that deserves a trumpet fanfare;

	Robert Paterson - Fanfare for Trumpet Sextet .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Okay, so maybe that's a bit of overkill.  And to be honest, I don't know if all of those views are people who actually read much of anything I write since I still only have 53 official followers and no one (except for Jason) ever comments.  But still, 11,000!!!!!!

Anyway, getting back to my conversation with Heidi, its been very discouraging becuase it has just been Amy and I pushing this project along.  We keep hoping and praying that someone will come along and say, "what you're doing is amazing, how can we help you!" and will help us get the sponsors and help us generate the donations that we're hoping to get.  As Heidi said, "just think of yourself as The Little Engine That Could" (WARNING:  THIS IS ONLY PART ONE SO YOU'LL HAVE TO CLICK ON THE LINKS TO WATCH THE WHOLE THING);



Don't get me wrong, we do have some incredible people who support us (Heidi being one of them) and we have some great sponsors.  But times are hard for lots of businesses still and although there are some companies out there that really have the money, we still have yet to find one or two that can help us raise the last $5,000 in sponsorship we think we'll need to make sure we'll be able to fully do this event right.  So we keep plugging along - "I think we can, I think we can, I think we can.......".

We've also not really pushed it too hard on the PR front yet though.  We've been using the social network (mainly facebook) to try to get the word out but as of December 23rd we'll be SIX MONTHS FROM THE START OF CONNOR'S ARMY'S RIDE ACROSS AMERICA or CARAAM as I like to sometimes call it.  So we're going to start sending out releases to papers, tv stations, magazines, everywhere we can get the word out.  For instance, the picture of the magazine cover that starts this blog entry is from the August issue of Bicycle Times.  And in that issue are two articles about Connor's Army.  Of course we were hoping that someone would read one of those articles and be moved to come forward to sponsor us but no dice yet.

That's not to say we haven't had some strong advocates pushing for us.  Jason Lederman has been one of the most "vocal" of our supporters.  Some of it has been in his vlog, "Late Night With Jason Lederman";

Here's one from our Victory ride 2010;




And here's a video that he did for Project for Awesome 2010;




And I try to take advantage of any chance I can to get the word out.  This past summer the family and I took a trip to Mystic Seaport in Mystic, CT and while we were there they had an attraction called "Tall Ships and Tattoos".  It was great time had by the entire family and at the compound was an exhibit about the development of tattoos as a mode of personal expression for sailors.  At the exhibit they were filming people telling the story about their tattoos and since Sarah thinks my "tat" is so cool, she insisted I do the interview;



And of course I couldn't resist the chance to plug Connor's Army.

And two years ago I relied upon the combined talents of Phil Rosenberg, Dan Kahn, and Daniel Incalcaterra (and I think Saleem Gondal may have had a hand in this) to create a video for Bicycling Magazine's "I Need A New Bike" competition.  Basically our whole gist was, I don't need a fancy carbon racer, I just need something that will get me from San Diego to Long Island in one piece without breaking down;




Unfortunately, it didn't win.  Although I have put the offer out to my brother in law that if he can find a way through his connections to convince Giant Bicycles to donate a cyclocross bike (or even a frame and fork combo) for the cross country ride, I would wear a NEW YORK GIANTS logo on my jerseys the entire 3600 mile ride!  Now for a die-hard DALLAS COWBOYS fan, that is a sacrifice but I will do it for the kids!  (Okay, so are there any big wigs out there with some pull that want to see me humiliated for 3600 miles?)

And jus the other day we started our latest barrage of PR work when Jason (and Justin Tasolides for a small while who admitted he loves my blog but it keeps crashing his browser) dropped by for a visit.  At the end of the visit Jason had managed to shoot some new video footage and using the geniurs editing skills that he has been developing while he's been away at Northwestern.  He really worked hard on it and even though we didn't get it in with enough time to really have people vote for it, it gets us out there and it shows what Connor's Army is about and what we're trying to do and every little bit helps;



What I think it all boils down to is that this process of finding people to sponsor us and to donate is a hit or miss process.  We just have to keep putting it out there and hope that someone will feel called in their heart to help us in some financial manner.  Heidi and the Burian clan have been truly financially generous as have many of my other friends and family members.  Syosset High School is starting to help with various fundraisers and with any luck we'll be able to raise $6,000 through the combined efforts of different student groups. That would be enough for ONE CAMPER FOR EIGHT WEEKS!

And my darling, wonderfully giving Sarah has decided that for her 13th birthday (yes, can you believe it, THIRTEEN!) she wants to to do a Mitzvah project even though she's not having a Bat Mitzvah.  And yes, even though her entire life seems to have been one large Mitzvah, she has decided she wants to throw a fund raiser benefit for Sunrise Day Camp and with any luck we'll be able to raise another $3,000.  She continues to amaze and humble me every day.

Jamie Blanch and her friends at UNO Fights Cancer have been incredibly supportive and have done a few bake sales to benefit Connor's Army.  I'm continuing to sell refurbished bicycles through my RECycle for Sunrise project.  I have a student who wants to sell bracelets for Connor's Army - its all adding up slowly but surely and I'm starting to feel hope that this might happen.

But Amy and I can't do it alone, we need help.  And no, this is not for my own narcissistic needs.  Honestly, if there were a way to get publicity about htis without ever mentioning my name I would do it.  If someone would donate the $50,000 to me to do this if I would do it without ever putting my name to it, I would do it.  If you could see what Sunrise means to the kids that attend it you would understand.  Its not about me, its not about you - its about them. 

So, if you've read this far I thank you.  I thank you for being supportive enough to "listen" to what I have to say.  I thank you for being supportive enough to help us get closer to 11,000 views, and I thank you for possibly passing on the idea of Connor's Army to others - who knows your mentioning it to someone else may be the spark that ignites a flame in someone's soul - a burning desire to help us help the kids.

And now, your reward for making it to the end, Freddie Mercury and Queen performing "Bicycle Race";



And there you have it - we're coming over the airwaves and we're after sending eight kids to camp!  Help us if you can.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

1306 + 2350 = Love (Or at least a LOT of LIKE)!

People do a lot of thins out of love - we marry, we move, we have children, we throw away everything we've ever known, we even refuse to by another bicycle because we know that it was cause strife with the one we love (and no, I'm not talking about the other bikes!).

In fact, Huey Lewis (and the News) may have summed it up nicely when he sang this little ditty;

	Huey Lewis & the News - The Power of Love .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Of course, this view was the exact antithesis of the views espoused by the J. Geils Band;

an idea that was further expressed in their song "Centerfold";



I guess the idea being what's the point of falling in love if the person is just going to spurn your attentions and become an adult entertainer?

And then there's always Love Potion Number 9;

	The Searchers - Love Potion Number Nine .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Of if you prefer you can create your own love potion;



But how do you measure it once you have it (by whatever means)?  Can it be quantified and correlated like a product?  Can it be stockpiled and catalogued?  How do you know how much love you have?;



Of course, the Ancient Greeks believed there were three types of love - Eros (erotic), Philos (brotherly), Agape (unconditional).  In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.


And the one that drives us to do things for others is "Agape", the unconditional, spiritual (sometimes called God's) love.  We don't ask for anything in return, we do it becuase its the right thing to do.

In the last month I have seen so many people pour out Agape (not to be confused with Agrape which is a place for wine connoisseurs) upon Connor's Army.  Becuase of my students and friends we have grown from 800 likes on our facebook page to 1306 as of this writing - and they keep liking us.  This is amazing because we really need the support.  It is our biggest hope that someone will come forth and offer to sponsor us so that we know we'll have enough money to complete the coast to coast journey.  In all honesty, I'm just a high school teacher and although I teach in Syosset, NY I don't make all that much money.  If I did, I would be able to afford to just give the money to Sunrise Day Camp myself.  But, alas, I don't so I ride.

And that brings me to the other form of the equation - 2350 miles is what I've ridden this year to prepare me for my cross country ride.  I'm now trying to commute almost every day to school - even when it dips below 30 degrees!  I figure there will be some times when I'm in the mountains of Colorado that it will be incredibly chilly at the top and I can't quit then.  I have to start getting used to the idea of riding every single day since I'll have to train myself to get up and ride now matter how I feel.

And why do I do this?  Becuase its the right thing to do.  I'm not after fame or accolades for this.  If there was a way that I could get the money for the camp without having to promote myself and what I'm doing I would surely do it.  But for right now I have to keep pushing Connor's Army, keep facebook posting and keep relying on my friends to invite their friends and to get as many involved.  Hopefully somewhere someone else will be touched by the spirit of Agape and offer to help sponsor us in this.  Or perhaps someone's spirit will be moved to make a very large donation to Sunrise in honor of the Connor's Army Ride Across America.  In the words of the New York Lottery Guy (and the California based rap group the Hieroglyphics)  - "Hey, You Never Know";



But the most driving reason of all to do this is I am grateful to so many people for the lives of my sisters and my mother - because of the kindness of people we will never ever meet they are here today and cancer free.  Its only right that I do what I can to give back to the cancer community and especially to our future - the children.  They are our future and if I can do at least one thing to help these kids who have been fighting so hard to have some kind of happy childhood, then riding 3600 miles to raise the money for them to have that experience is the least I can do.

I leave you with something that someone forwarded to me as "One of the Greatest posts on Youtube so far!".  It is the words of Charlie Chaplin from his movie The Great Dictator juxtaposed with modern imagery to make a compelling argument for us to do the right thing - to think of others;



So go out my friends, use your love potion number 9 and spread your Agape wherever you go.  And if you can turn some of it towards Connor's Army to help us in our mission, I would be forever in your debt.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

To Our Significant Others - We Can't Help It, We're Obsessed!

Chances are if you are in a loving, committed relationship your significant other may have some quirks.  Now these might take the form of things they collect, hobbies they may have, little idiosyncracies, or personal peeves of theirs.  Usually early on in the relationship you may find these incredible endearing, even cute.  But, their comes a time when this cute hobby, collection, idiosyncracy or peeve becomes "not so cute" in the words of Bernardo (you know, West Side Story).  In fact, you start to worry that your significant other might just be obsessed and you'll seek an opportunity for an intervention.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about a harmless obsession like a crush on somebody a la Paramore;

No, if your relationship with your significant other is strong and has passed the test of time, then a little crush is not what you should be worried about.  No, I'm talking full-fledged obsession as in borderline addiction!

It may be an addiction to shoes;

(None of these pumps go with my dress - time to go shopping!!!!)

It might be an obsession to football which leads some of them to make videos like this;



or even to dress up like this;

(Hey, nothin' a little cold cream won't fix!)

Or for those who prefer the South American style of football their obsession could lead to this kind of behavior;



Or perhaps they have an obsession with the game "Words With Friends";



Or perhaps it is an addiction/obsession to/with (*gasp*) FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!



Or it could be  an unhealthy preoccupation with Harry Potter;



Maybe your significant other is obsessed with being a paradigm of physical fitness;

        

(And I will here admit that during my high school years I spent a lot of time trying to become a bodybuilder myself)

Or maybe your loved one has a strange preoccupation with late night Christian cable Televsion;

Or perhaps your significant others' obsession is with The Internet itself with all the amazing and wonderful things it has to offer;



And these obsessions can destroy our lives - they can turn us into individuals that spend every single waking hour fixating on the object of our desire, so much so that it can turn us into cold and distant beings.  We can become withdrawn and taciturn and cause distress to our significant others - spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners - we hurt them all with our distance.

For myself, I have to admit something to all of you who have been following this blog.  I have a secret obsession with cycling;




I know, I know - I need a twelve step program.  But to get to the twelve step program site I have to ride my bike to get there, which only feeds into my obsession.  Which bike do I take?  Which helmet do I wear?  Which jersey would look best, the Connor's Army or the retro Z Team jersey from the early 90's?  Just trying to get better causes even more obsession.

But you all have to understand the distance we who are obsessed sometimes fall into has nothing to do with the ones we love.  Sometimes we can't help ourselves.  It takes over and its all we can think about.  Witness for instance the following scenario;

So you see - its not you - its us.  We can't help ourselves.  It doesn't mean we love you any less when we're caught up in our thoughts, and rarely are we thinking of someone else.  My long suffering wife Amy probably wonders sometimes if I'm having an affair.  She hears me muttering about Pearl, Betty and Ariel and I'm sure she thinks I'm seeing someone on the side.  And yes, there are times when I sneak down to the basement and caress one of these beauties or I linger to lube her chain or add another coat of wax to her shiny skin.  I can't help it, they call to me.  When they speak to me in a language of creaks and clunks I have to figure out what's ailing them, and I obsess over how I can make it better.

But for the most part Amy has borne this with a patience and an understanding.  She understands that it is only part of what makes me the unique person that I am and that nothing and no one will ever supplant the passion and love I feel for her.  I would venture to say that its the same for YOUR loved one.  They have those quirks, they have their way of doing things (Lord knows Amy does) and they have the things that drive them and allow them to blow off the stress of every day life.  But at the end of the day they love you/us and they always will.  So embrace their obsessions - as long as they don't involve a duck, a slip and slide and two gallons of extra virgin olive oil - becuase that kind of obsession is just WAYYYYYYY unhealthy.

So Amy and my family will let me engage in my obsession and take it on the road in the summer of 2012.  Syosset High School groups are starting to join us in fundraising for this cross country event and I'm listening even more intently to the creaks, squeaks and groans of Pearl - after all she'll be under me for 3600 miles, the least I can do is listen to her!  You too can help Pearl and me make a difference and if you become obsessed with our journey in the process - well that's okay too!

Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road - hopefully tomorrow!





Start the Change!

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (more commonly known as Mahatma Gandhi) once wrote, "You must be the change you want to see in the world."  Here at Syosset High School we have an event that has been going on for about five years now called Junior Day.  I probably can't do it justice here in one blog entry, you really have to experience it for yourself.  It is truly an emotional day and part of what makes it so special is that the entire them of the day is to "Be the Change", to create change in our community in the way we treat each other by starting the change in our own behaviors. 

The day starts with each adult advisor being given a family of six or seven students, most of whom we are not familiar with and one of the first things we do after ice breaker activities is to complete the following statement, "If you really knew me ......" with the idea of sharing with those in the group what is behind the mask that we put on every day.  While I am not at liberty to share what my kids shared I can speak about my own story.

What I shared with everyone is the fact that I go throughout my day feeling incredibly lonely.  I guess that's why I'm so sensitive to what went on with my daughter Sarah in her 5th and first part of 6th grade year.  She felt as if she had no friends, she was never invited to birthday parties and she had a miserable experience feeling as if she was alone.  What made me so sensitive to that fact was that I feel the same way and have for many years. 

Now, much of this is my own fault because I get so focused on what I'm doing at work that I get blinders on and I don't take the time I should to socialize with my colleagues.  I'm friendly with many of my fellow teachers in the building but aside from Peter Haughwout, Damon Tomolino and one or two others, there aren't that many I could just go and have a beer with.  I've gone riding with Dave Steinberg and have done field trips with others but aside from Pete there aren't any whose houses I've gone to or who have been to my house.  The truth is I don't really have any friends, only acquaintances and that realization just makes me lonelier and lonelier.  I have almost 1300 facebook friends (many of them former students, people I went to high school in Germany with, people I've known from the various summer camps where I've worked, people I've directed in Long Island productions) and over 1200 likes on my facebook page but no close friends.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not about to turn this into a pity party for one so you can keep reading;

(Should I RSVP for my own party?)

I didn't start to talk about being lonely but that's what ended up happening.  In talking to the kids I realized that my feelings of loneliness are because of a pattern I created in myself, a pattern that I was born into.  For those of you who have read my blog before, you know that I've spoken in the past about being an "Army Brat" and that for my entire life my father was a career soldier.  As a matter of fact, there is even a poem entitled "I Am a Military Brat" that was written in 1975 by Deborah W. Giusti;

I am an Army Brat. My hometown is nowhere, my friends are everywhere, and if I haven't been someplace yesterday, I am sure to go there tomorrow. I grew up with bugle calls and artillery salutes and the knowledge that home is where the heart is and the family--with no dependence on the dwelling.


Mobility is my way of life. I have found security and happiness in motels and guest houses, in duplexes and apartments around the world. Some would wonder about my roots, yet they are as deep and strong as the mighty oak's. I sink them quickly, absorbing all an area offers and hopefully giving enrichment in return.


Like all Army dependents, I can say "Hello," "Good-bye," and count to 20 in five languages. I can tell of the shores of Maine, the marketplaces of Mexico, the Buddhas of Japan; and my knickknack shelves look like those of an import shop, for my memories span the globe.

Travel has taught me to be open. By age nine I had seen more of the world than most people do in a lifetime; I had touched many and allowed their cultures to touch me. Shaking hands with the universe, I found a brotherhood in all men.

Just as there is joy in meeting, so is there pain in parting; and although practice makes perfect, there is no way to perfect "Good-bye." Farewells are never easy. Yet, even in sorrow comes strength and an ability to face tomorrow with anticipation. And if when I leave one place I feel that half my world has been left behind, I also know that the other half is still waiting to be met.

As an Army Brat, I go out to others extending hand and heart. Friendships are formed in hours and kept for decades. I will never grow up with someone, but I will mature with many, and the help that I offer today will be returned farther down the road. Be it inevitable that paths part, there is constant hope that they will meet again.

I feel fortunate to live in a society of tradition drawing from the past to enhance the present - where silver baby cups announce life, horse-drawn caissons pronounce death and the living in between is dedicated to the service of God, man and our nation.

Love of country, respect and pride fill my being when Old Glory passes in review. As I stand to honor that flag, so also do I stand to honor all soldiers, most especially to the man whose life created mine -- my father. Because of him I have shared in the rich heritage of Army life.


Now, as Army wife and mother, I have passed on that legacy to my children. I wish for them a wealth of experiences and knowledge and love, so that their lives will be blessed as mine, and I pray that one day they will join me in boasting, "I am an Army Brat!"

Though it was written in 1975 many of the sentiments still echo the reality of military brats today.  However, unlike some other Army Brats my friendships didn't last for decades and I now find myself without the friends of my childhood.  So part of my story to these high school juniors was to hold onto those friendships that they have now with those that know them so well and that have grown up with them over the years.  Hold fast to the memories and the connections or you could end up like me - plenty of acquaintances, but no real friends.  I am just fortunate that my patient wife is also my best friend, yet it would be nice to have others to rely on in times of stress and hardship.

And yet, I have begun the process of "Starting the change" this year.  Amy and I have reconnected with our Texas friends Pat, Stephen, Marci, Laurelle and James.  It is my most sincere hope that we can keep this reconnection going and not let it fizzle out like far too many of my friendships have done.

After lunch we came back and spoke together a bit but then we participated in an activity called "crossing the line" in which a series of statement were read and if they applied to us we were to leave the group of 200+ gathered there and cross a line then turn around and face those left standing.  This is always a very revealing moment as we are all asked to honestly respond and bare our faults and insecurities.  The idea is not to make us targets but to show that we all share some of the same secrets and fears but we pass each other every day not knowing that someone else shares our feelings, hopes, fears and insecurites.  Comments like, "I don't like what I see in the mirror", "I don't feel as though I am a good person", "I have tried or have thought about hurting myself", "I have been hurt by someone close to me", "I have had an eating disorder" and so many others.  Most of which I found myself crossing the line for.   And in my head I'm thinking, "with all of this wrong with me, that's why I don't have any friends".

Again, this is not a pity party but I have bared my soul enough on this blog that I hope you, my reader will understand.  At the end of the day we were to write letters to people and say things to them that we felt needed to be said.  I wrote two, one to a colleague and one to my best friend - Amy.  These could be letters we delivered or didn't deliver - the important thing is that the feelings were to be expressed, even if not shared.  I did receive two letters from some of my ACT kids speaking of how much I mean to them and how much they look up to me which made me cry but of course I don't feel deserving of their accolades.

But the point of all of this is that I have to start the change within myself and keep on trying to keep up with the change, not forget to be an active part of this.  So, Pat, Stephen, Marci, Laurelle, James, Pete and others - you're on warning because you're my friends and I'm not letting you go!

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CYCLING??????  What does this have to do with Connor's Army?

Well, just as some of the most famous people in our history have been inspired by the bicycle (look back at the top for Mahatma Gandhi enjoying a spin), for instance Albert Einstein;

Ernest Hemmingway;

The Beatles;

and The Muppets;

I too have been inspired while riding my bike to school and back in the rain yesterday.  You see, while riding back at about 4ish in the afternoon I found it was already dark due to a little thing we like to curse call pain in my ass daylight savings time.  What started as a gentle drizzle soon became a constant, driving and very cold rain.  That coupled with the lack of visibility made me a bit nervous but I had to red lights blinking away on the back and a white one blinking away on the front and I was wearing a reflective rain jacket - I figured I was pretty safe.  And I was until the idiot on Pulaski decided to buzz me and pass me only a foot away - his side mirror nearly clocked me!

It was while enjoying the adrenaline rush of that particular moment that I had one of those "Eureka" moments (and for the record, I'm not talking about the town on the Northwest coast of California or an alloy of copper and nickel with a high electrical resistance) in which I realized that I have already started the change that needs to happen within me for the cross country ride.  The last four or five times that it has been predicted to rain I've been riding to start getting myself used to riding in any adverse condition.  When I'm halfway across Kansas I can't just decide not to ride becuase of weather - I have to change the way I think about what is "good" riding weather.  So what if it looks like this;

or even this;

I need to just suck it up and do it - because there will be eight kids fighting cancer who don't understand how I could just give up and not pedal because of rain or wind.  And going forward I can't let weather deter me - I have to start the change!

And I'm going to make more of a concerted effort to stay in contact with my friends and to try to make friends out of acquaintances at school.  It won't be easy but I hope that I can by starting to take more time to talk to them and get out of my office and be with people rather than holed up in my Theatrical Lair (its kind of like a Bat Cave but without the flying rodents, high tech gadgetry, a butler, or cool caped costumes).  Again, I have to start the change!

And lastly, now that so many people are liking the Connor's Army Facebook Page I have to start being more aggressive (read that to be more shameless) about approaching sponsors.  I have to follow up on leads and offers of help so that we can attract and secure the kind of sponsorships we need and the kind of fundraising we need to get this $50,000 raised.  So if you get multiple messages from me about donating, please don't think I'm being a pain in the ass pest, just know that I have to start channeling all this positive energy for Connor's Army into really making a change in the lives of eight young people - I have to start the change!

BUT I NEED YOUR HELP DEAR READER to make this happen!  Please, if you are reading this and you know people who might be interested in helping us, spread the word!  Help us start a change in a young person's life that could have positive consequences the likes of which we'll never know but that will have such an impact on that young person's future!  Join with me and together we can start the change!  Invite your friends, family, other facebook groups.  Ask your boss if your company can sponsor us.  Repost the link to the Sunrise Donations Page where people can give to help these kids.  Let's together change the world, eight people at a time!

And now, becuase I haven't given you a song in a while something that as a group we shouldn't do but its a great song nonetheless and I like John Mayer's cover of it - "Waiting for the World to Change";

	John Mayer - Waiting For The World To Change .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Stay well and I'll see you on the road in rain, sleet, snow, and maybe the dead of night!

Grateful Alive!

So I have to admit that I missed the Grateful Dead craze.  Musically I sort of fell into an in-between time and as a result my musical tastes are many and varied.  Because I moved from California to Georgia when I was in elementary school and I wanted so much to hold on to my California identity (can you blame me?) I listened to a lot of The Beach Boys.  Then when a bunch of the local boys and I started skateboarding I was really digging the surf scene, since grunge wasn't in yet.



Before I left Georgia for Germany I got into a lot of rock, especially Southern Rock.  Groups like Lynyrd Skynyrd;



Then when I moved to Germany instead of Disco, I found myself listening to groups like Queen;



Aerosmith:



The Kinks;



The Police;




The Ramones;



Pink Floyd;



And because I was living in Germany at the time I got a little into Kraftwerk, this clip is not really from the 70's, its from 1983 but if you watch it you'll know why I chose this song;




And there were many other groups that I listened to at the time that seminally influenced my taste in music but there are some that I notably missed out on - The Beatles (never really heard much of them until the late 80's), mainly because I just didn't have the interest or the exposure;  Bruce Springsteen, because they hadn't heard of him in Germany;  Billy Joel, because when I moved from Germany to Texas not many people listened to him down there - and a host of other popular musicians that people of my generation listened to.

And one of those was the Grateful Dead.  I know that most "baby boomers" spent many hours listening to "The Dead" and many of us are closet "deadheads" but I never really got it.  I guess its because once again, I wasn't really exposed to it and by the time I started choosing my own music it was really more the driving rythms of punk and rock that turned me on.

And another seminal influence from that time period was cycling.  I've written in the past about how I spent most of my time getting around in the summers in Ansbach via my cobbled together bicycles that my friends Ed Trevarrow, Mark Pariseau and I all would put together.  We'd augment them by buying a few parts from the shop in the old city of Ansbach but we'd go traversing all over the countryside in the summers with our toe clips (check out the Kraftwerks clip again) and panniers exploring as long as our parents would let us.

And to be honest, The Grateful Dead scene never really fit into it.  The music, the drugs, the hippy love throw back thing wasn't really us - and personally, I was too grateful being alive than thinking about being dead.  Its kind of stupid to say it now but I think that's one of the things that turned me off about the band.  I would hear about them and think, "what a stupid name for a band!"

And now that I'm older, I find myself grateful for the smaller things that I come across in life as well as the bigger things.  I know that I made a list of things to be grateful for in my last post but in just a week and a half, so many more things have happened to add to the list; big things like my daughter receiving an award from the Long Island chapter of the Association of Fundraising Professionals;



And little things like my children performing their own rendition of an old Holiday Season favorite but with a slight twist that they like to call "Santa Clause is Stalking You Now";



Or just living in a town where this happens every year;




And I am so grateful for so many things that have been happening on the Connor's Army Ride Across America front.  So much has happened in the last week that I've been dying to share but facebook posts just aren't the right place because I can't add as much detail so for those of you who are keeping up, here goes;

We got a mini van!!!!!!  Yes, I know what you're thinking, "why in the hell would you be grateful for a mini van?!?!"  Well, to be honest, I'm not sure that Amy is.  But it is a necessary evil if I'm going to be able to do this ride supported instead of hauling everything by myself across the country.  It has the DVD player for the kids and the rest of the support team, a trailer hitch for a hitch mounted rack that can carry more than one bicycle, a luggage rack for "the hamburger" and to strap down spare parts, and it was at a price we could afford.  We're going to have to put some money into it and it doesn't have "stow and go" seating but it has everything else.  And its black with tinted windows so it doesn't look quite as dorky.  I'm torn between naming it Vanikin Roadwalker or Vanna Black.  I thought about giving it a Spanish flair and naming it Vanna Negro but I'm sure that's racist and let's not even talk about what I REALLY wanted to name it - The Black Hole, since so much will dissappear in there!  Of course, I could just go with my German experience and name it Vanna Schwartz!

Our Facebook Page has over 1200 likes!!!!!  Now, I know that in itself doesn't seem to be such a big deal but it is.  We're hoping that by gaining some sort of significant exposure on facebook we'll be able to attract some more sponsors to help us with underwriting the cross country event.  We figure we probably need about $5,000 more in sponsorships and we'll be set for whatever evenutality we hit on the road.  But the popular support on facebook is a big step.  For those of you reading this that have liked our page - THANK YOU!!!!!!!  Your support is truly overwhelming to me and I know that because of it a big difference will be made.  Please continue to invite your friends and let's continue to grow!

This blog has over 10,000 views!!!!!!!!  I don't know how its happened but since we debutted this blog way back in June 2009, we have (as of this writing) 10,284 views!!!!!!  A year ago (January 2011) we had about 2800 views but since then it has taken off!  To each and every one of you who has looked at this site, or read these posts I thank you!  You've been following my ramblings (or maybe you're just looking for pictures and videos) and that means I'm reaching more of you.  If you've read this far in this post, please take a minute to go to our facebook page (if you're a facebook member) and add us to your likes - help us spread the word even further.

The Syosset High School Fashion Show!!!!!  And this is HUUUUUGGGGEEEEE!!!!!   After a hiatus of a few years the Fashion Show is making a return to Syosset High School.  Two of the most energetic young ladies I know are instrumental in making sure it happens and they are both counselors at Sunrise Day Camp.  They are going to use the fashion show as a fundraiser for Sunrise with the money going towards the $50,000 we are trying to raise in the Ride Across America.

Sunrise Syosset!!!!!  There is a group of students at SHS who are also counselors at Sunrise Day Camp.  They are going to meet with me on Monday to brainstorm how we can get the other students groups of Syosset High School involved in helping us with raising the money we're trying to raise for the ride.  The idea is that if a good percentage of the student groups at SHS (there's about 100 of them) can do some type of fundraising for the event (we're looking at it as a Team Sunrise event) then we might be able to raise enough at the school to send one child to camp for the summer.  That's $6,000 and for the school to come together to do that would be amazing!  However, if you're reading this and you would like to contribute on your own, you can go here and donate safely and securely!

My back!!!!  A lot of things could have happened when I had the encounter with the car door back in July 2010 but so far I seem to be doing well.  I didn't break anything and the only permanent reminders I seem to have are my scar and my tattoo!  We're not sure what the herniated disc issue is from but the one injection I had seems to be holding steady.  There's a little bit of pain but I'm going to set up another injection soon and with any luck I'll be ready to roll all 3600 miles!

RECycle for Sunrise is taking off!!!!  What started out as a way to try to raise more of the funds I need to underwrite the costs of the cross country trip has started doing so well!  Just today I sold three bicycles and two of those were from people who contacted me.  Folks are donating bikes for the effort (thank you sooooooo much Andrea!) and I know that the bikes are going to great homes so they'll make people doubly happy - those who'll get to ride them and the kids at Sunrise who'll benefit from the sales!  I'm not going to be a bike mechanic full time but I'm learning a lot and I know if something happens on the road I'll be ready for it.

So, its been a week and a half full of great things for Connor's Army and I thank you all my readers for believing in me, reading my words and for supporting something that I truly believe in my heart of hearts will make a difference in the lives of eight children far beyond what we can imagine.

So for now I'll leave you with this cool little picture that I found online.  I just thought it was funny and it shows some of the problems that cyclists face now are nothing new under the sun.  Oh, and if you made it this far, feel free to leave some comments!!!!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!!!!