Finding My Sanity

So much has happened since the last post.  First of all, I want to thank those of you who read my last post and have reached out with your kind words of support.  You have absolutely no idea how much I needed/still need them.   Granted, it still looks like a very long, scary and dark tunnel - sort of like this;


(Is that the end or is it just a train coming at me????)

But I am feeling better and I don't quite feel like this;

(Heeeeeerreeeee's Connor)

But, to quote one of my favorite scenes from the old TV series "Night Court", "I'm feeling much better now,";



Not TOTALLY, but a good deal better.  Part of that is by trying to get back up on the horse;

(I knew all that egg nog would catch up with me)

Or, if you the visual art doesn't quite give you the full picture, I would probably be more like this right now;



But as I am a self-respecting Texan, I wouldn't be quite that bad, although now after all the dance training I've had in my life, I would probably end up in some sort of arabesque pose.  Now if I could only mount that gracefully on my bicycle I would look like this;



Or I could combine my passions and channel my inner Kevin Bacon;



Of course, whenever I try to do a graceful bicycle mount, ala Cyclocross racing, it usually ends up like this;



Ahh, everything goes better with a Black Eyed Peas soundtrack.  I personally like to hill climb to this little ditty;

	Black Eyed Peas - Pump It .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

And that my friends is what started me on the road to "Feeling much better, now".  The day after my last post I read some more of Michael Moore's book and I relized that I had to jump start myself out of this blue funk so I got on my bike and looked for the steepest hills I could find around me.  I managed to put in 30 miles which really sucked because I had such high hopes for all the miles I was going to put in during the break but as I said, despite the gorgeous weather, I just couldn't get motivated.

But that first ride got me going.  The night before we had had our annual family Chanukah party and I received some more gift cards so I was stoked for all the stuff I was going to buy from Performance Bike.  I really didn't imbibe (despite all that's been going on) so I felt the need to get out and shred some hills!

The weather was perfect for riding (about 55 degrees) and there was no wind so I headed out about eight in the morning for a two hour ride.  I hit some of my favorite hills, sweated up them, bombed down the other sides and just vented some frustration.  For those of you who have followed this blog on occasion (the 55 OFFICIAL ones to the right as well as all of you others), you know that I often find catharsis on many of these rides.  Particularly two years ago with the passing of my brother David.  I just find that when I ride to punish myself and to push myself I can release a lot of things that hold me from being able to truly see the forest for the trees and that's what this ride did for me.  After sweating and hurting from all the hill climbs (and being in inadequate shape, despite my non-debauchery of the evening past) I suddenly had a clear thought - I can't give up, I can't let this be all there is to it, I can't give in.  So I will ride.  I will do everything I can and I will be riding this summer from San Diego to Long Island.  We raise what we raise.  My hope is that it will be at least more than we put it, but we'll raise what we will.

But the delicate grasp I've had on my sanity in the past week slowly began to return with that ride.  Then this past week (being our first week back after the break) I made a point of riding as much as I could to school  I rode four times this week and logged a total of 112 miles in commuting - I just like to take the long way home - sort of like this;



And yes, I know that there is another song out there with the same name by Bruno Mars - but nothing beats the original , especially when backed by a full orchestra.

But what also helped me to regain my sanity thappened this past weekend.  Along with Peter Haughwout and Caroline Basner I took 27 young actors and techies to the Fifteenth annual New York State Theatre Educators Association Student Conference at the Villa Roma in the quaint hamlet of Callicoon, NY.  It was a truly magical weekend that allowed me the opportunity to reconnect with my students, my colleagues from across the state and (to an extent) with myself.  Our students did an amazing job performing the opening number from Rent at the Festival of Student Performances.  Even though there wasn't much of an audience, they were amazing, especially considering that they did all the work themselves.

The majority of the time was spent by the students taking workshops and connecting with other theatre students (some 750 in all) from across the state.  What was great for me was being able to teach some workshops and have students actually pay attention and hang on to my every word.  When I had other chaperones and colleagues observe my workshops and then come up to me afterwards and compliment me on my work I knew that I was where I belonged.  I had missed the conference for the last two years (last year due to the blizzard of '11 and the year before because Amy and I were performing in A Chorus Line) so it was great to be able to see my colleagues and be reminded that I actually know what I'm talking about.

And that went a great deal to reviving my spirit.  There were so many other things that happened at the conference and I could spend a ton of time writing about it but the main point was it was fun.  I had fun with my students, my colleagues and on my own as a teacher and a person.  My only regret was that the weather was so nice and I didn't pack along my road bike to put in some miles early Sunday morning.  Oh well, perhaps next year!

So we're back on the road to recovery and the glass again is half full - not totally full mind you, but half full.  I still appreciate the words of encouragement and support and if you can all spread the word about Connor's Army and Sunrise I'd be eternally grateful.  And now, for a little dessert, I leave you with the original cast performing the title song from Rent (sorry about the quality, its a bootleg but at least its the original cast on opening night in 1996!);



Stay well my friends, pay your rent and I'll see you on the road!

1306 + 2350 = Love (Or at least a LOT of LIKE)!

People do a lot of thins out of love - we marry, we move, we have children, we throw away everything we've ever known, we even refuse to by another bicycle because we know that it was cause strife with the one we love (and no, I'm not talking about the other bikes!).

In fact, Huey Lewis (and the News) may have summed it up nicely when he sang this little ditty;

	Huey Lewis & the News - The Power of Love .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Of course, this view was the exact antithesis of the views espoused by the J. Geils Band;

an idea that was further expressed in their song "Centerfold";



I guess the idea being what's the point of falling in love if the person is just going to spurn your attentions and become an adult entertainer?

And then there's always Love Potion Number 9;

	The Searchers - Love Potion Number Nine .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Of if you prefer you can create your own love potion;



But how do you measure it once you have it (by whatever means)?  Can it be quantified and correlated like a product?  Can it be stockpiled and catalogued?  How do you know how much love you have?;



Of course, the Ancient Greeks believed there were three types of love - Eros (erotic), Philos (brotherly), Agape (unconditional).  In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.


And the one that drives us to do things for others is "Agape", the unconditional, spiritual (sometimes called God's) love.  We don't ask for anything in return, we do it becuase its the right thing to do.

In the last month I have seen so many people pour out Agape (not to be confused with Agrape which is a place for wine connoisseurs) upon Connor's Army.  Becuase of my students and friends we have grown from 800 likes on our facebook page to 1306 as of this writing - and they keep liking us.  This is amazing because we really need the support.  It is our biggest hope that someone will come forth and offer to sponsor us so that we know we'll have enough money to complete the coast to coast journey.  In all honesty, I'm just a high school teacher and although I teach in Syosset, NY I don't make all that much money.  If I did, I would be able to afford to just give the money to Sunrise Day Camp myself.  But, alas, I don't so I ride.

And that brings me to the other form of the equation - 2350 miles is what I've ridden this year to prepare me for my cross country ride.  I'm now trying to commute almost every day to school - even when it dips below 30 degrees!  I figure there will be some times when I'm in the mountains of Colorado that it will be incredibly chilly at the top and I can't quit then.  I have to start getting used to the idea of riding every single day since I'll have to train myself to get up and ride now matter how I feel.

And why do I do this?  Becuase its the right thing to do.  I'm not after fame or accolades for this.  If there was a way that I could get the money for the camp without having to promote myself and what I'm doing I would surely do it.  But for right now I have to keep pushing Connor's Army, keep facebook posting and keep relying on my friends to invite their friends and to get as many involved.  Hopefully somewhere someone else will be touched by the spirit of Agape and offer to help sponsor us in this.  Or perhaps someone's spirit will be moved to make a very large donation to Sunrise in honor of the Connor's Army Ride Across America.  In the words of the New York Lottery Guy (and the California based rap group the Hieroglyphics)  - "Hey, You Never Know";



But the most driving reason of all to do this is I am grateful to so many people for the lives of my sisters and my mother - because of the kindness of people we will never ever meet they are here today and cancer free.  Its only right that I do what I can to give back to the cancer community and especially to our future - the children.  They are our future and if I can do at least one thing to help these kids who have been fighting so hard to have some kind of happy childhood, then riding 3600 miles to raise the money for them to have that experience is the least I can do.

I leave you with something that someone forwarded to me as "One of the Greatest posts on Youtube so far!".  It is the words of Charlie Chaplin from his movie The Great Dictator juxtaposed with modern imagery to make a compelling argument for us to do the right thing - to think of others;



So go out my friends, use your love potion number 9 and spread your Agape wherever you go.  And if you can turn some of it towards Connor's Army to help us in our mission, I would be forever in your debt.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!