Straddling the Great Divide!

I'm 50 years old.  There, I said it.  I've been in denial for far too long.  And it's not denial of this sort;

No, I've been holding back from admitting it for far too long and it feels good to finally get it off my chest.  I feel like I've joined the ranks of FA (Fifty-somethings Anonymous) rather than the dubious fraternity of Alpha Alpha Rho Pi.  I mean, my birth certificate says I'm 50 and my driver's license says I'm 50.  However the mirror - most of the time - doesn't show me 50 (I still have almost all of my hair, not much grey, I can still bend over and touch the floor and do the splits) and I certainly don't feel 50.  My wife likes to say that I'm still a 17-year-od boy (and not always in a good way) and some might accuse me of having a case of Peter Pan syndrome.  But the truth of the matter is that I really don't feel my age - especially when I compare myself to most other 50-something men I know.

But there are those moments when I realize I am straddling the great divide.  Not like I did last summer;

when I reached the top of Wolf Creek Pass, nor is it quite like the great Colossus of Rhodes we see pictured above.  But I AM now at the halfway point of my life.  As I fully intend to live at least 100 years this is it, just as the song says, "halftime goes by, suddenly you're wise";



To ease me into the midway point of my life wew celebrated my birthday WEEKEND with not just one day of having fun, but FOUR days of fun.  It started with me conducting "God Bless America" with the Ocean Avenue 4th and 5th graders at the Long Island Ducks Friday night.  It was rainy and completely dreary so we decided to skip the beginning of the game (we actually were watching it online until we knew the third inning started) so we timed it to get there at the bottom of the fifth inning.  There were only about 300 in attendance and it was cold but William and James had a great time and the small group of kids sounded great! 

On Saturday it was pouring so I couldn't go out for a ride.  So instead the family and I continued to "get our geek on" and watched two and a half Star Trek movies - last half of The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home, and The Final Frontier! Oh, and we managed to squeeze in an epic game of Risk!  The end result was that I was the Supreme Ruler of the World.  Too bad Amy still doesn't recognize that fact.

Sunday was a rather incredible day as it began with a snuggle in bed with one of the Connor progeny and the other making Challa bread French Toast for us in the kitchen.  In the afternoon I was able to engage in my yearly ritual - riding one mile for every year of my existence!  This time I did the 50 miles in LESS THAN THREE HOURS - How's that for a guy whose life is half way over?!?!  After cleaning up we got to watch some more Star Trek with the whole family (The Undiscovered Country) and I finally got to watch the first Lord of the Rings movie with Sarah.  Of course the ultimate irony was that a call came in and since I hadn't gone on any all weekend I decided I should go.  I only wish we could have fit in a game of D&D to totally get my 17-year-old geek on but that would require a dungeon master, which we didn't have at hand.

And then there was today!  The great climactic day of my full weekend celebration.  Due to various scheduling problems (it is Memorial Day weekend) we weren't able to have a party here this weekend so the entire Village of Northport threw me a party instead.  Okay, not really but today is Memorial Day and it IS my birthday and there is a parade!  As a member of the Northport Fire Department I get the honor and priviledge of marching in the various parades.  So I dressed up today in my Class A uniform and headed down to the station.  I was one of the lucky few who got to ride up onto the staging area on 2-9-2 which is our 1938 Mack pumper truck.  We got to ride on the running board holding on to the rails just like they did in the days of yore and we waved to the kids on the street.  It was such a great way to start the day!

When we were getting ready to march one of the chiefs told me to take one of the flags so it ended up that I had the honor of being one of two people who led the fire departement down Main street to the town park for the parade.  I was leading with Will Scherr (another probie) and it was high school all over again.  You see, Will is about six inches taller than me and it brought to mind memories of Ed Trevorrow and I playing the sousaphone together in the marching band.  Ed was also six inches taller than me - at least this way with Will being taller the American flag was taller than the Village of Northport flag - as it should be. 

So I marched the parade with the honor of leading the department and as I marched I pretended all the cheers were for me in honor of my birthday.  Then, as a flag beareer I was part of th ecolor guard that stood up in fornt of the whole village at the town park as part of the Memorial Day observance.  It was really a great feeling to represent my department, my village and my country in such a huge undertaking.

Then it was time to party!!!  The NFD threw a big bar-b-que for the department members and their families back at the station so as soon as I started walking back I called the family and told them to meet me.  For some reason it was taking a long time for them to get there so I decided to go ahead and start eating and so I sat down and bonded with some of the more senior members of the department.  Finally Amy and the kids showed up and after the kids had something to eat Amy disappeared - that should have been my second clue.  I turned around and Amy was bringing out a huge sheet cake and she got everyone to start singing "Happy Birthday" - if I wasn't sure if people knew it was my birthday before, they sure knew it now!!!!  Apparently she had cleared it with the chiefs before hand and that's why she was late - they had to pick up the cake at Stop and Shop!  If my fellow members didn't know I was a member of AARP before, they do now!  And you know what?  I'm okay with that now.  I don't look my age, I don't feel my age, and once again Amy will tell you I don't act my age.

And then there was birthday dinner.  Despite the fact I had consumed hamburgers, the plan was to go to Smokaburger for dinner.  However as we were parked outside we thought, "what about 5 Guys?"  So, after the long trek to 5 Guys we get in and realize there was nothing for Sarah to eat.  So we pile back in the car and head back to Smokaburger. While there we realize we should just get it to go so we could watch yet another Star Trek, The Final Frontier.  So we get it to go and becuase we were so starved we ended up with a veritable Smokaburger Smorgasborg, i.e., too much food!  But before dessert (more cake) I got some of the best presents I've ever received from my wonderful family.  From the kids I received the lego Ambulance and bicycle set to commemorate the accident that ended my last Gold Coast attempt..  For those of you unfamiliar with your Lego Encyclopedia it looks like this;

Now whether I'm supposed to be the guy on the bike or the EMT I'm not sure.  But we did discover that I can put the EMT on the bike and I can be part of the bike patrol!  And my lovely bride gave me my very own blue light (yes, folks I am a K-Mart special) for going on calls.  It really isn't something I need most of the time but it will be very helpful when I need to get to Station 1 at night and people are moving slowly.  So my gifts were really all about being an EMS provider, now to go on some calls!

But the kids' gift reminded me of a very important aspect - to keep being a kid.  But maybe that's okay.  In the days leading up to this weekend I was feeling sort of depressd that we weren't having a 50th birthday party (a long sotry - another blog entry in itself) and I was feeling fatalistic about the big 5-0 (and it wasn't even the Hawaiin variety).  Of course the fatalism may just be the Irish in me;

I've also been reading (and sometimes reciting) "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" which has been one of my favorite pieces of poetry since I was 22-years-old yet I never really "got" it until now.  Of course, I'm not sure anyone ever gets all of T.S. Eliots seminal work but now after almost 30 years I sort of get it.  Really.  There are those days when I particularly feel the line "I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled...."  I think especially after 8700 miles on the bike in the last year my legs and spine definitely feel shorter.  And yes, there are times when in my dreams I do hear "the mermaids singing each to each".  And I do have those moments when I regret the things I have not done and the dreams I did not follow.  But I'm also in a very good place right now and I have a really good life and an amazing family.  I have the next half of my life to make up for not being as good a father/husband as I should have been the first.

I guess the main hting is that I still feel young(ish).  Part of that I attribute to mykids - they keep me young as I try to keep up with them.  They remind me of what my life is supposed to be about.  It's not always easy to remember but I am trying.  As long as I can try to stay young at heart, I'm hoping to stay young(er) in body.  As someone once said, you do have to grow older, but you don't have to grow up.  So if I'm going to live another 50 years, I guess this begins my second childhood.  Now where's the cheerios?!?

Stay well all of you - I'll see you on the road (fortunately this time around without training wheels).