A Year in the Life!

 

 

Back in the mid-80's there was a TV miniseries called A Year in the Life which followed the various members of the Gardner family of Seattle during the course of one year. The major event of that year was the sudden and unexpected death of wife and mother Ruth Gardner.  Now I can't say I personally ever watched the show because I was at teh time an "older than average" student (I was 23 and a sophomore) trying to get myself back into the academic swing.  I was totally out of it, in the six years since I had graduated from C.E. Ellison I had accumulated an A.A. in Communications and had completed an acting course at the National Shakespeare Conservatory but getting back into the academic grind, plust tring to keep up with the demands of being a dance performance major, plus working a part-time job to pay the bills didn't really leave me with a lot of TV watching time.  I did have some house mates who were into the show and they seemed to really get into the trials and tribulations of this Seattle family.

 

But what does all of this have to do with me, you faithful (and sometimes happenstance) readers and Connor's Army?  A year ago today my family and I dipped our rear wheels in the Pacific Ocean, pointed our bikes eastward and began the first of 46 days of pedaling across America in the hopes of raising money to send as many campers as we could to Sunrise Day Camp.  It was midway through the seven miles of an average gradient of 6% climb that I wondered whether I was going to make it the next 3,000 + miles.  That first day I lost contact with the support team (my family) on the way to Pine Valley adn I was really thinking I might have bitten off more than I could chew - that I would let down the camp, my family and myself.  I won't go into all the details of what kept me motivated to go in this post - those of you who have followed us know the answer to that and those of you who don't know what would motivate a family of five to spend the summer slowly traversing the country stuffed into a mini van are welcoe to read all the other entries at www.connorsarmy.blogspot.com.  I sometimes go back and read those pre-ride entries and realize that I had no freaking clue what I was getting myself into.

 

On that very first day a year ago I was slapped in the face with the cold (or rather really, really, really hot) reality of what was happening.  Although that first ride was only 45 milesit was a wake up call that this was not going to be easy.  It was exhilirating and exhausting all at that same time.  During the summer that would follow I would have days when I wanted to throw my bike down and give up; where I would find road companions and experience a moment that was so incredibly special it is indelibly etched in my mind.  I learned so much about my children , had some incrediblye bonding moments with them and truly learned that without my wife I would be nothing.  Her love and supported sustained me across the deserts, the mountains, the prairies and the scary state that is New Jersey.  I will never be able to express to her how much I am grateful to her for all she has done for me.

And now a year later it all seems like a dream.  Not a day goes by when I don't have a flashback of some amazing sight I saw along the 3713 miles of my journey.  Some I was able to record on video;

while others are forever installed in my brain like the view from the top of Mesa Verda or the view from the Blueridge Parkway;

I won't lie, I really wish I was on my bike again.  For two years I had a purpose, a goal, a reason to gete on my bike and log the miles in all kinds of weather.  I was pedaling for those who couldn't - the adults, the kids, those for whom cancer was a personaly enemey, not just an abstract word with negative connotations.  Their stories and faces are what drove me to continue to push through the pain and through the discomfort because it was nothing compared to what they were going through.  But as I've written in the past we're now a year away from that life-changing experience and I've been feeling adrift every since we returned.

Yes, there was the horror of what we found as we came back and we threw ourselves into getting ourselves back into "civilian" mode.  But now it's a year later and we have found ourselves slouching back into the old familiar dance.  The year at Syosset was full of ups and downs as the program continues to grow but the casting conflicts once agan created division in the ranks and left me feeling battered, loathed and unappreciated.  A huge let down after feelign I had made a real difference in the world last summer.

In an endeavor to continue making a difference I joined the Northport Fire Department this past December.  It's something I've been wanting to do for a very long time because of various emergencies that have happened in our lives.  I never want to ever be in a situation again where its an emergency and I don't know what to do or how I can help.  Of course, I had to wait until I finished my Master's and until the Ride Across America was finished.  In the six months since I started I've been on many rescue squad calls, I've been trained to drive the ambulance, I've been CPR/AED certified, I've been taught what to do during Rapid Interventioin Training and Spinal Chord Injuury in an Aquatic Environment, I've learned to take vitals and so much more.  I feel proud knowing I can help those people in Northport who are in need.  I haven't yet started my official EMT-B training but that will start at the beginning of September if all works out.  I've already starting working as part of the EMT Bike Rescue Squad and I really can't wait to combine my passion for cycling with my desire to help others.

And we had a real scare this year with William which really brought last summer's journey into a personal perspective when it was discovered he had a tumor on his shoulder blade.  It was benign but he still needed to have surger to reomove it which necessitated scooping out th ebone.  He is completely out of th ewoods now but there was about a month there where we were frightened to death.  We know there was only a small chance he was malignant but because of our experience with cancer (both personal and Sunrise) that small chance loomed overhead like a glistening guillotine of doom.  But he's been cleared now and all the subsequent check ups have been clean.  We're still slightly holding our breaths but breathing much easier when we do.

And there was the loss of our dear Lily cat.  As much as she could be weird and finicky about eating and pooping, she truly became part of our family, particularly during this last year.  When we came home in August she seemed to be so happy to see us.  It took a few days for her to realize we were really home for good and once she accepted the fact that we weren't leaving again, she really became so much more affectionate.  Once December came and I was on call once a week I amde a practice of sleeping on the couch so Amy wouldn't be awakened by the beeper going off.  And Lily made it HER practice from that first night to always sleep on my stomach or chest.  Sometimes it was maddening as she would hope off and on throughout the night giving me little rest.  But it became something that was comforting to me when on call.

At the end of February she started taking a turn for the worse and Amy took her in to the vet numerous times.  She was never the healthiest of cats from the day we brought her home and as she was a rescue cat we were never sure exactly how old she was.  We tried various vets and various treatments over the years but we were never able to exactly pinpoint her exact condition.  She was always thin and small for her age but around April 20th she stopped eating periodically.  We were used to this in her and we changed her cat food which worked for a while.  But then around May 2nd she stopped eating altogether and not even drinking much water either.  At that point we knew that we would have a very difficult decision to make very soon.  On Saturday the 4th she was in pretty bad shape.  We knew the vet was closed for the weekend and we knew that Monday we were going to have to take her in to have her put to sleep.  We didn't want to wait too long as we had with Boo so we would call the vet first thing.

 

On Sunday she was so weak she could hardly stand at all and when she walked she would list to the side and occasioinal fall over.  We knew the end was near.  We weren't even sure if she would last the night.  I wasn't on call that night but I slept on the couch just so she wouldn't be alone in case she passed in the night.  I cradled her on my chest all night so I could feel her breathing.  I dozed off sometime around 2:00 in the morning and when I woke up at 6:00 she was still wtih us.  I left for school and Amy called the vet the first thng and made an appointment to bring her in.  They told her 11:00 was the first time they could fit Lily in so Amy picked up the kids from school so they could go and say their last goodbyes.  They waited with ehr in the waiting room and petted her, told her how much they loved her and then said goodbye as the assistant came in to take her in.  The vet came back moments later to say Lily had already passed, most likely while in the waiting room.  It helped the kids to know she passed on her own, probably while being petted and knowing she was loved.

 

A few days later we had a funeral for her and buried her under the dogwood tree in the front yard.  We each wrote a list of things we loved about Lily and shared them with each other before puttin gthe lists in with her and covering her with dirt.  The kids were really broken up (as we all were) but we were also happy to know she was no longer in pain.  We lost a member of our family, the first pet the kids can really, truly remember but we were so glad that she passed knowing she was loved and cherished.  And here is a photo of one of the ways we will always remember our lovable, quirky little Lily cat, drinking out of any glass we happened to leave on the table;

 

 

 

The year was full of other ups and downs - a winning baseball season for the boys (their first ever), outstanding NYSSMA scores for Sarah and James, surviving Sandy, more car troubles than I can really enumerate in this post, a great prom weekend with Amy in the city, Sarah moving up to High School, me turning FIFTY (shhhhh!) - but through it all we've been a family.  I'm still grateful to Amy every minute of every day for the love and suport she gives me in all my misadventured piteous overthrow, for beign the incredible mother to our childeren and for being such an amazing role model.  If the year has taught me anything, it taught me that I would be nothing without her.  I kmw I am one of the luckiest people in the world becausd of my wife and children and I would not "trade my state for that of kings".  Shakespear's Sonnet 29 has long been one of my favorites but until this year I haven't really been able to appreciate these words;

 

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

 

Now when I look at my wife and children I truly get it.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I still feel restless and irrelevant and unusre of what to do next with my life and with Connor's Army.  I still RECycle for Sunrise adn I am still searching for ways to use my bicycle to help the cancer community, particularly the one on Long Island.  But as I spend this summer at Sunrise, reminiscing (and longing to repeat) that trip across America I'm still searching for the next purpose.  It seems in today's world with instant access to everything on the internet that relevance is only as current as what you've done lately.  Right now I'm looking for that next moment of relevance, that next way that I can make a differenc.  Any ideas?  Ti's charity to shew.

 

Stay well my friends and I'm hoping to see you back on the road.