A Farewell to Arm(y)s - At Least for Now

    I must apologize to those who have actually consistently viewed and read the things I have written over the years here at ConnorsArmy.BlogSpot.com.  From my dashboard I see I have well over 51,000 views.  Of course many of those are people just looking up photos of things, but maybe some of them stop to read and to all of you I say thank you.  I know I haven't posted anything since last January and for that I'm deeply sorry.  It has been a rough road of trying to find myself since that August day in 2012 when my family and I entered the grounds of Sunrise DayCamp.

 

    The trip for us to ride across the country and raise money for the kids of Sunrise was one of the most important and amazing things I have ever done in my life and I would do it again if I could (and if my wife wouldn't decide to leave me as she would be certain I had lost my mind).  To see the country from three feet up every single mile of the 3,000+ miles was an incredible experience and to share that with my family was a wonderful blessing.
  But who am I anyway (Am I my resume? For all you Chorus Line fans)?  What am I now since I began the journey of what started as Connor's Army 10 years ago?  I am 53 years old, the father of three teenagers and the husband to a wonderful and amazing woman.  I am a teacher of theatre (sometimes life?) at Syosset High School.  I am an EMT for the Northport Fire Department.  I am a Unit Head (or at least I was this summer) at Sunrise Day Camp for the Teen Tracks program.  And after all this time, I'm still an avid cyclist - despite my many bump, bruises, aches and pains. 
   Ten years ago I was 43, still the father of three amazing children and husband to an incredible woman.  I was still performing when I could, directing and choreographing anywhere that would hire me while entering my tenth year as a teacher at Syosset High School.  I had recently rediscovered my passion for riding (a passion that began at the ripe old age of six) and I was searching for a way to use that passion to make a difference in the fight against cancer.  My mother and three of my sisters had recently fought (and won) their battles with cancer and I wanted to find a way to give back out of gratitude for their health.  And so Connor's Army was born as a way to create a not-for-profit to raise money for cancer research and to find ways to help the cancer community. It has been an amazing ten years with more than 30,000 miles having passed beneath my wheels (I actually added it up).
    But here we are in 2016 and while I still believe in using the power of two wheels to make a difference, big cycling challenges are no longer my focus (although the boys and I still periodically talk about taking a long bike tour when they graduate from college).  Instead, I've been focusing on smaller events such as The Great Cycle Challenge, events that just need me on my bike to make a personal difference.  Even my ReCycle for Sunrise has begun to wind down as I find I just don't have the time to continue with that offshoot of Connor's Army any longer.  Between no longer having the space to store all of those bikes in need of TLC, I just don't have the time to devote to them any longer.  So I will sadly be putting Connor's Army on hold for now, ready to come back when it's needed (sort of like the mythical Arthur), but for now, decommissioned as it were.
     It's said that when he finally stepped away from being our country's first (I know, I know - you history buffs will say he wasn't actually the FIRST) president, George Washington was delighted to be leaving public office. He was 65 years old and anxious to spend the remainder of his life away from the stress and responsibilities of the presidency (he believed he was near the end of his life; few people at that time lived past their mid-sixties).  He gave his Farewell Address, a 32-page hand written text - tell that to your teenager when they complain about a five-page research paper.   (Just a side note, I gleaned that tidbit from my currently reading material, Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow.)
     I can't say that I am delighted to be stepping away from Connor's Army but I think for now it is the best thing.  I can no longer devote the time and energy I need to devote to it as a not-for-profit entity and I need to spend more time just riding and when occasion arises doing so to still raise money for the cancer community.  I will also still use the power of two wheels to help others as I serve as the Bike Squad Coordinator for the Northport Fire Department Rescue Squad.  Hopefully by being there on my bike I can still make a difference for my immediate community.  I'll also continue to go to Sunrise every summer and try to make a difference there.  But most importantly, I'm going to continue to ride because I don't know what else to do. 

     The thing that has always drawn me back to riding every since that first solo bike ride is that it's a place where I can be free and alone with my thoughts.  When I was a kid I once saw a poster with a saying that was attributed to the late, great Satchel Paige;

    Now I can't say that all my thoughts are gold as some of them are most definitely scattered and nonsensical but what I will be doing is jotting down some of the thoughts I have while riding in a new blog that I be starting up called The Contemplative Cyclist.  It won't always make sense, it won't necessarily be consistent, but it will be a great ride and I hope you'll join me on it.

    I have no regrets about starting Connor's Army, letting it be such a driving part of my life and all that it has brought me - the places I've seen and the people who have come into my life because of it.  But what type of theatre teacher would I be if I didn't close the book (at least put it on pause) on this chapter of my life without a great musical theatre number.  And since I'm reading the biography that inspired it all, here is the cast of Hamilton performing the song "What I Did for Love".

For all of you who donated, followed this blog, liked our Facebook posts, came out to watch or ride with us, and just helped us create and sustain Connor's Army for so long, I thank you all for being part of the ride these last ten years (and giving me over 51,000 views).  There are not enough words to express all of my gratitude and so for now I'll simply say,

So long and I'll see you on the road!



Rising from the Ashes

A few months ago my family and I completely geeked out and had a Harry Potterfest in honor of my son William having finished reading the entire Harry Potter series.  We pretty much lived in our pajamas for the entire two days and lived on everything from Waffles to Devile Eggs to Ice Cream Sundaes for dinner one night and sushi the next.  One of our favorite characters in the entire series never spoke a single word - Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes.  It struck each us how sad it was that at the end Fawkes was left without anyone, after he had spent so much time with Dumbledore he was now without a companion and flew off alone across the lake, after giving us such wonderful moments as this;



And this;

And although he is one of my favorite fantasy literature characters of all time, Dumbledore needed help to kick butt as is shown in this little discourse which pits Dumbledore against my favorite wizard of all time;

 

And if you want to know how Sir Ian was able to channel all of that Tolkienesque persona into a mere mortal package, you have to listen in on his conversation with Ricky Gervais;



Now when Harry first meets Fawkes he bursts into flames.  Harry, never having seen this occur is of course shocked when he tells Dumbledore about it and he responds, "And about time too, he's been looking dreadful for days."  Not to compare myself with a truly memorable character, I myself have been looking dreadful for days, uh weeks, okay really since last November.

You see, I somehow managed to either injure myself or exacerbate a previous injury in my back to the point that riding my bicycle had become painful.  I couldn't make it for more than five or six miles before the pain would start up.  That pretty much has been going on for almost a year.  I've had injections, I've had epidural treatments, I've had chiropractic work (thank you again Dr. Scott!) and I've worked on my core.  The result is its better (I can ride about 30 miles non stop) but I'm far from back to my 2012 Ride Across America shape.   Instead, I've been making excuses not to ride (it's cold, I have things to carry, it will be dark) and I've seen my fitness languish to a level I haven't seen since my ankle surgery.  Although I did manage to briefly raise my head from my this self imposed torpor currently feeling like some sort of sun worshipping lizard,


(Could Someone Put Some Sunscreen Between My Shoulder Blades?)

in that I created a fundraiser to try and send a child to Sunrise for one week which I called 467 for Sunrise (based on the idea that 46 children are diagnosed with cancer every day and seven will perish from the disease).  I ended up raising $800 ($100 short of my goal) but it got me back on the bike and riding almost every single day.  Unfortunately, after logging almost 500 commuting only miles in the month of September, I lapse back into my sunbathing lethargy.  It's been that way pretty much every since.

Well no more!  I'm starting to feel better and I have to stop babying the back.  Of course, this is not to confuse the issue with Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back";



Trust me, at this point I got my own big butt!  But that's only part of the issue - a big part.  I just went today for my Northport Fire Department physical only to find out that although my blood pressure is great (116/76), I am now the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life.  I've decided that not only do I need to get my body back, I need to get my passion back - I need to ride!

But as I have been doing since 2007, I don't just ride for me and that's why I feel the most guilty.  Since 2007 I've been riding for others, trying to raise money either for research or to make possible a life changing summer for a children (or children) fighting cancer.  As I've written many times before, I don't have a lot of money but I feel I need to give something back to the cancer community in gratitude for the fact that I have three sisters and a mother who are all now cancer free.  The odds that four people related to you would be struck by cancer in an eighteen month period are astronomical - that ALL of them beat it is a miracle. 

And that's why I ride. 

To see the faces of young children, many of them either fighting this disease or in remission, having the time of their life for nearly three months is a true gift.  To know that I had a hand in helping them feel like just in other kid doing things that other kids sometime take for granted (but my campers never seem to do so) and being able to express themselves in a way they haven't before is a blessing.

And that's why I ride.

When I have to deal with the frustrations of the day and this crazy hectic world pushes down on me and makes me want to curl up in a ball I have an escape, one that I have been neglecting for far too long.  It makes me feel alive, reconnects me with the joy of my youth and reminds me that there is beauty in even the flight of a small bird or the bounding of a rabbit running in the grass as you roll along.

And that's why I ride.

So it's January, one of the coldest months of the year.  I wake up early in the morning and I allow the excuses to compile and mount until I roll over and refuse to get out of bed.  It's time to stop the madness.  It's time to get out and ride.  It's time to get rid of my big butt before Sir Mix-a-Lot comes after me. 

And it's time for me to lose 20 pounds.

So here I am publicly vowing that I will lose 25 pounds in the next three months.  By April 15 I will be down to 155 pounds for the first time since I got married.  Yes, you read that right I weighed 180 pounds on the scales during my physical - I just hide it well.  My plan is to lose 14% of my body weight in the next thee months and I am going to update this blog at least once a week (every Friday) to let you all know how it's going.  This will also take care of the doldrum that has infected my blog upkeep in the last year.  Well, really since we did the Ride Across America.  So my writing will serve dual purposes.

You see I have a plan.  This summer I am going to do something else to raise money for pediatric cancer.  I'm not sure yet what it is but suffice it to say I will never be able to do it if I don't lose weight and get myself into shape.  I am going to once again ride for the kids and for those who are fighting this disease. 

And maybe, just maybe, when baby no longer got back, baby's back will hurt no longer!

Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road!

Relative is as Relative Does

I have had a long association with the movie Forrest Gump.  When it first came out I think I saw it three times.  Then way back when Amy and I were "single" (which is what we call the period before we had children) we used to go away for our yearly "honeymoon" which basically meant we would take a brief vacation with just the two of us  to celebrate our anniversary.  On our second "honeymoon" - well, technically the third since Ireland was the first and Cape May was the second - we travelled to Savannah, GA to exhilerate in the Old South charm of the city that provided us settings for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and JFK among so many others.  Also the birthplace of Johnny Mercer of "Moon River" fame.  And since I had in the not so distant past performed for nine months with Andy Williams in the "Moon River Theatre" it was pretty cool to make that connection.

But the connection we really had to make was sitting on the bench in the spot where they filmed the bench scenes for Forrest Gump.  I'm sorry to say that I don't have the digital photos to share since we don't have on file anything before 1999 but use your imagination and imagine me where Forrest is sitting above.  Of course, when it comes to the movie, I guess the character I would most resemble is Lieutenant Dan (a.k.a., Gary Sinise below with his Lieutenant Dan Band)

(Gary Sinise)

(Not Gary Sinise)

As a matter of fact, that's what a lot of my ACT students used to call me when I first started teaching at Syosset High School.  Since the movie had only come out in 1994, it was still fresh in their minds.  Especially this scene;



Now where was I?  Oh yes, Relativity.  I'm not necessary speaking of the Theory of Relativity (not to be confused with Theory of a Deadman - a Canadian rock band) which as we know was developed by cyclist Albert Einstein while on a cycling jaunt;

(Let's see if I divide how fast I'm going by the number of wheel revolutions.....)

Nope, I'm talking about the feeling we all get when we accomplish something we've been planning for so long and then it happens and you're left with that feeling of "Now what?"  That feeling of wanting to still be relevant.  I've written about it in the past, in fact on numerous occasions. 

And I'm not alone in this feeling.  Recently I was speaking to a long time suporter of Connor's Army who runs a few philanthropic activities of her own.  I won't mention her name her in order to protect her anonymity (but you know who you are) and she was relating how frustrating it feels to do so much work and not reach the goal she had reached for herself.  I certainly do understand.  I had set a goal for myself of raising $50,000 last summer - the goal of trying to send ten campers to Sunrise Day Camp.  We only reached half of the amount when all was said and done.  And I have been feeling so incredibly adrift for the year since we got back because I felt like my family and I worked so hard and sacrificed so much (both financially, physically and emotionally) and now its as if we never did it.  No one remembers what we've done or appreciates any longer what a normal American family did just becuase it was a good thing to do. 

And then there have been the last three weeks at Sunrise Day Camp.  This past week alone have been an amazingly rejuvenating experience as I have been reminded daily of why my family and I gave up our summer, why I risked completely rupturing the disc in my back, why we risked out healthy pedalling in 115+ heat.  I have seen the joy in the faces of the kids that are attending the camp.  I'll never know which kids have been able to have the experience of Sunrise because of my efforts but these past three weeks have been a daily reaffirmation of why my fundraising makes a difference and continues to be relevant.  Moments such as seeing the looks of complete joy when the campers got the chance to experience the carnival with all the bouncy rides during the second week of camp.  I realized that except for the fundraising I and others had done, some of these campers would never experience that kid of joy.  Yes, here on Long Island we get spoiled by all the parties at Pump it Up and other establishments.  But for many of our campers who come from a more urban environment, this was the first time they had ever had the chance to do this sort of thing.  And there will be many more such experiences this summer.

And then there are the things the kids have said to me over the last three weeks.  The first week, five or six campers thanked me for what I did last summer.  Then the second week I was sitting at lunch with some campers from the Leadership group and one of the campers said to me, "I want to thank you becuase you've really inspired me.  I want to do something to make a difference."  As I simultaneously tried to hold back the tears and not choke on my sandwich I had enough blood flow in my brain to be truly thankful for that moment.  Becuase if there was one kid who was brave (and self aware) enough to voice that thought, there are probably more who are having the same thought and just haven't said anything.  And that made me feel definitely relevant.

And then this past week we suffered through and incredibly heat wave.  It wasn't like what my family and I went through in middle America last summer but it was hot and it was stiffling and it was hard on these campers.  And yet, one of the campers came up to me on Thursday and said, "We have drama with you today, I'm so excited!".  Now normally that wouldn't be such a big deal.  Except for the fact that this girl is one that I've known for three years now and who hardly ever cracks a smile. when she sees me.  Yet this time she was smiling and saying how much she was looking forward to doing drama with me!  Now that is certainly relevant and was just the reminder I needed that what I do at Sunrise matters to someone.

So yes, I will still continue to try my best to make a difference in the lives of others, particularly those fighting their individual battles with cancer.  And I will now also get the chance to help make a difference in the lives of my neighbors in Northport as part of the Northport Fire Department.  And I will continue to try to make a difference in trying to help instill the love of drama in just one more young person.  No, I may never again be in the papers (or host the weather for that matter), but that's really not what its about or why I do any of this.  To be relative, I have to act relative and try to make a difference every day.  No matter if it's not good enough for anyone else but me.

And as I voice these thoughts, I'm glad to say I'm back on my bike and training almost every day in order to be in shape for my next assignment as part of the Northport Rescue Bike Squad - you never know when my being able to pedal fast might help someone in need!  And if all goes well, I will start EMT-B classes in September!

So Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road!

Oh, and for a little dessert after reading all of this about being relative, here is a clip of a song called "All or Nothing" from the band Theory of a Deadman. Hey, they're not bad for a bunch of Canadians (although the road in the video looks strangely familiar);



TTFN

A Year in the Life!

 

 

Back in the mid-80's there was a TV miniseries called A Year in the Life which followed the various members of the Gardner family of Seattle during the course of one year. The major event of that year was the sudden and unexpected death of wife and mother Ruth Gardner.  Now I can't say I personally ever watched the show because I was at teh time an "older than average" student (I was 23 and a sophomore) trying to get myself back into the academic swing.  I was totally out of it, in the six years since I had graduated from C.E. Ellison I had accumulated an A.A. in Communications and had completed an acting course at the National Shakespeare Conservatory but getting back into the academic grind, plust tring to keep up with the demands of being a dance performance major, plus working a part-time job to pay the bills didn't really leave me with a lot of TV watching time.  I did have some house mates who were into the show and they seemed to really get into the trials and tribulations of this Seattle family.

 

But what does all of this have to do with me, you faithful (and sometimes happenstance) readers and Connor's Army?  A year ago today my family and I dipped our rear wheels in the Pacific Ocean, pointed our bikes eastward and began the first of 46 days of pedaling across America in the hopes of raising money to send as many campers as we could to Sunrise Day Camp.  It was midway through the seven miles of an average gradient of 6% climb that I wondered whether I was going to make it the next 3,000 + miles.  That first day I lost contact with the support team (my family) on the way to Pine Valley adn I was really thinking I might have bitten off more than I could chew - that I would let down the camp, my family and myself.  I won't go into all the details of what kept me motivated to go in this post - those of you who have followed us know the answer to that and those of you who don't know what would motivate a family of five to spend the summer slowly traversing the country stuffed into a mini van are welcoe to read all the other entries at www.connorsarmy.blogspot.com.  I sometimes go back and read those pre-ride entries and realize that I had no freaking clue what I was getting myself into.

 

On that very first day a year ago I was slapped in the face with the cold (or rather really, really, really hot) reality of what was happening.  Although that first ride was only 45 milesit was a wake up call that this was not going to be easy.  It was exhilirating and exhausting all at that same time.  During the summer that would follow I would have days when I wanted to throw my bike down and give up; where I would find road companions and experience a moment that was so incredibly special it is indelibly etched in my mind.  I learned so much about my children , had some incrediblye bonding moments with them and truly learned that without my wife I would be nothing.  Her love and supported sustained me across the deserts, the mountains, the prairies and the scary state that is New Jersey.  I will never be able to express to her how much I am grateful to her for all she has done for me.

And now a year later it all seems like a dream.  Not a day goes by when I don't have a flashback of some amazing sight I saw along the 3713 miles of my journey.  Some I was able to record on video;

while others are forever installed in my brain like the view from the top of Mesa Verda or the view from the Blueridge Parkway;

I won't lie, I really wish I was on my bike again.  For two years I had a purpose, a goal, a reason to gete on my bike and log the miles in all kinds of weather.  I was pedaling for those who couldn't - the adults, the kids, those for whom cancer was a personaly enemey, not just an abstract word with negative connotations.  Their stories and faces are what drove me to continue to push through the pain and through the discomfort because it was nothing compared to what they were going through.  But as I've written in the past we're now a year away from that life-changing experience and I've been feeling adrift every since we returned.

Yes, there was the horror of what we found as we came back and we threw ourselves into getting ourselves back into "civilian" mode.  But now it's a year later and we have found ourselves slouching back into the old familiar dance.  The year at Syosset was full of ups and downs as the program continues to grow but the casting conflicts once agan created division in the ranks and left me feeling battered, loathed and unappreciated.  A huge let down after feelign I had made a real difference in the world last summer.

In an endeavor to continue making a difference I joined the Northport Fire Department this past December.  It's something I've been wanting to do for a very long time because of various emergencies that have happened in our lives.  I never want to ever be in a situation again where its an emergency and I don't know what to do or how I can help.  Of course, I had to wait until I finished my Master's and until the Ride Across America was finished.  In the six months since I started I've been on many rescue squad calls, I've been trained to drive the ambulance, I've been CPR/AED certified, I've been taught what to do during Rapid Interventioin Training and Spinal Chord Injuury in an Aquatic Environment, I've learned to take vitals and so much more.  I feel proud knowing I can help those people in Northport who are in need.  I haven't yet started my official EMT-B training but that will start at the beginning of September if all works out.  I've already starting working as part of the EMT Bike Rescue Squad and I really can't wait to combine my passion for cycling with my desire to help others.

And we had a real scare this year with William which really brought last summer's journey into a personal perspective when it was discovered he had a tumor on his shoulder blade.  It was benign but he still needed to have surger to reomove it which necessitated scooping out th ebone.  He is completely out of th ewoods now but there was about a month there where we were frightened to death.  We know there was only a small chance he was malignant but because of our experience with cancer (both personal and Sunrise) that small chance loomed overhead like a glistening guillotine of doom.  But he's been cleared now and all the subsequent check ups have been clean.  We're still slightly holding our breaths but breathing much easier when we do.

And there was the loss of our dear Lily cat.  As much as she could be weird and finicky about eating and pooping, she truly became part of our family, particularly during this last year.  When we came home in August she seemed to be so happy to see us.  It took a few days for her to realize we were really home for good and once she accepted the fact that we weren't leaving again, she really became so much more affectionate.  Once December came and I was on call once a week I amde a practice of sleeping on the couch so Amy wouldn't be awakened by the beeper going off.  And Lily made it HER practice from that first night to always sleep on my stomach or chest.  Sometimes it was maddening as she would hope off and on throughout the night giving me little rest.  But it became something that was comforting to me when on call.

At the end of February she started taking a turn for the worse and Amy took her in to the vet numerous times.  She was never the healthiest of cats from the day we brought her home and as she was a rescue cat we were never sure exactly how old she was.  We tried various vets and various treatments over the years but we were never able to exactly pinpoint her exact condition.  She was always thin and small for her age but around April 20th she stopped eating periodically.  We were used to this in her and we changed her cat food which worked for a while.  But then around May 2nd she stopped eating altogether and not even drinking much water either.  At that point we knew that we would have a very difficult decision to make very soon.  On Saturday the 4th she was in pretty bad shape.  We knew the vet was closed for the weekend and we knew that Monday we were going to have to take her in to have her put to sleep.  We didn't want to wait too long as we had with Boo so we would call the vet first thing.

 

On Sunday she was so weak she could hardly stand at all and when she walked she would list to the side and occasioinal fall over.  We knew the end was near.  We weren't even sure if she would last the night.  I wasn't on call that night but I slept on the couch just so she wouldn't be alone in case she passed in the night.  I cradled her on my chest all night so I could feel her breathing.  I dozed off sometime around 2:00 in the morning and when I woke up at 6:00 she was still wtih us.  I left for school and Amy called the vet the first thng and made an appointment to bring her in.  They told her 11:00 was the first time they could fit Lily in so Amy picked up the kids from school so they could go and say their last goodbyes.  They waited with ehr in the waiting room and petted her, told her how much they loved her and then said goodbye as the assistant came in to take her in.  The vet came back moments later to say Lily had already passed, most likely while in the waiting room.  It helped the kids to know she passed on her own, probably while being petted and knowing she was loved.

 

A few days later we had a funeral for her and buried her under the dogwood tree in the front yard.  We each wrote a list of things we loved about Lily and shared them with each other before puttin gthe lists in with her and covering her with dirt.  The kids were really broken up (as we all were) but we were also happy to know she was no longer in pain.  We lost a member of our family, the first pet the kids can really, truly remember but we were so glad that she passed knowing she was loved and cherished.  And here is a photo of one of the ways we will always remember our lovable, quirky little Lily cat, drinking out of any glass we happened to leave on the table;

 

 

 

The year was full of other ups and downs - a winning baseball season for the boys (their first ever), outstanding NYSSMA scores for Sarah and James, surviving Sandy, more car troubles than I can really enumerate in this post, a great prom weekend with Amy in the city, Sarah moving up to High School, me turning FIFTY (shhhhh!) - but through it all we've been a family.  I'm still grateful to Amy every minute of every day for the love and suport she gives me in all my misadventured piteous overthrow, for beign the incredible mother to our childeren and for being such an amazing role model.  If the year has taught me anything, it taught me that I would be nothing without her.  I kmw I am one of the luckiest people in the world becausd of my wife and children and I would not "trade my state for that of kings".  Shakespear's Sonnet 29 has long been one of my favorites but until this year I haven't really been able to appreciate these words;

 

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

 

Now when I look at my wife and children I truly get it.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I still feel restless and irrelevant and unusre of what to do next with my life and with Connor's Army.  I still RECycle for Sunrise adn I am still searching for ways to use my bicycle to help the cancer community, particularly the one on Long Island.  But as I spend this summer at Sunrise, reminiscing (and longing to repeat) that trip across America I'm still searching for the next purpose.  It seems in today's world with instant access to everything on the internet that relevance is only as current as what you've done lately.  Right now I'm looking for that next moment of relevance, that next way that I can make a differenc.  Any ideas?  Ti's charity to shew.

 

Stay well my friends and I'm hoping to see you back on the road.

Why I Still Wear Yellow

About four weeks ago my Livestrong bracelet broke.  "No problem," I thought to myself, "I'll just go and get another one out of my drawer."  You see, every since my sister Angela was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 I've worn one of these bracelets to support her in her fight against cancer.  When my mother and two other sisters also contracted other cancers within the next two years I vowed I would never stop wearing one until this horrible disease was beaten. 

That was the year Connor's Army was born and I vowed that I would do something to help not only my family but others in their own fights against cancer to show my gratitude for my own family's successful struggles with the disease.  I would always manage to buy a few at a time thinking if one broke I could then instantly replace it.   The disease has not yet been eradicated (like it's predecessor polio) so I'm still wearing my bracelet.  As a matter of fact, when we decided to begin our very first Connor's Army fundraiser I chose yellow as the color of our jerseys because it would match the bracelet!

I know, sounds stupid right?  I mean, I have always liked yellow, even though it's not the artsiest of colors and can make you look jaundiced if you don't have just the right skin tone.  Nevertheless, I have always liked it even though as a theatre person my wardrobe tends to runs to various shades of black.   To me yellos is a happy color, a color of rebirth and sunlight, a color of hope. If you go to Color Wheel Pro and look up their interpretations of color, they state that yellow is;

Yellow is the color of sunshine. It's associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy. Yellow produces a warming effect, arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental activity, and generates muscle energy.

"What," you may be asking yourself, "is your point and what has precipitated this color rant/meandering mental migration?"  Well, you see it all started about two weeks ago when I realized that the replacement bracelet I had put on to replace the Livestrong bracelet that had broken two weeks previously was not an adult-sized bracelt.  It was a child's, one that I had bought for the kids to wear if they decided they wanted to wear one like daddy.  Unfortunately, my children tend to run on the small size (genetics, go figure) so the youth bracelets don't fit them.  Soooo, I put them in the drawer with the other bracelets for safe keeping thinking they would be there if the kids ever wanted them.   Of course, completely forgetting that fact, when I broke my latest one I just reached in and put it on.  I figured that since I was a "slightly" built individual it would be fine.   Well, after two weeks of struggling with it tangling up in everything and cutting off my circulation I decided I needed an adult, the youth was cutting it (hmmm, is that philosophical or what - but more on that in another post).

Now I tend to go through one of these bracelets every eight to twelve months due to the fact that I never take them off - I sweat in them, stretch them over my jerseys when I ride,  When I first made my decision to wear one always I bought eight of them from a local bike shop - five adult and three youth.  So naturally, when I realized I was completely out of adult Livestrong bracelets I went to the LBS (local bike shop) where I originally purchased them only to be told, "Sorry dude, we don't carry those anymore."  Undeterred, I went to another bike shop and got the same response.  So I went to a third, another negative response.  It wasn't until I went to the fourth bike shop and was told not only did they plan on not stocking them but I was asked, "Why would you want to wear that piece of crap anyway?  Armstrong's just a big cheater who got caught!"

Well, instead of getting into a big philosophical argument with this idiot (becasue even idiots are entitled to their wrong beliefs), I thanked him and left.  What spurred me to lots of introspective brain meanderings was the fact that this counter jockey's point of view is not a solitary one.  There are many editorials out there decrying Lance Armstrong's cheating ways and how it denigrates every cancer survivor by even coming near one, much less wearing one.  There are thousands of blog entries out there that speak of the evil intent behind Nike's continuing to sell the bands and support the Livestrong Foundation, as if it is some corporate conspiracy to use the proceeds from the continued sale of these bracelets to somehow buy respectability.  Indeed, an article on the Wristbands.com website gives a few ideas of how they can be altered to "more honestly" represent the idea behind the bands.

To hell with all of you!  Sorry, my blog, I can say what I want.  I don't wear the wristband because I support Nike or because I am convinced of Lance Armstrong's innocence.  It is beyond refute that he did use banned substance to win at cycling;



Now people are still arguing about whether or not this was a true confession.   In my own faith confession (or reconciliation) is one of the holy sacraments (baptism, communion, reconciliation, confirmation, marriage, holy orders, annointing of the sick).  In an article on AmericanCatholic.org it makes very clear that three things are required of a penitent in order to receive the sacrament of reconciliation (or confession) worthily:

1. He must be contrite—or, in other words, sorry for his sins.
2. He must confess those sins fully, in kind and in number.
3. He must be willing to do penance and make amends for his sins.

There are those who will say that he didn't fulfill the first part and no one is very sure if he is going to do the third.

I'm not going to defend what he did as an athlete.  Did I think he was incredibly awesome on the bike?  Yes.  Did I somehow secretly get motivated by watching videos of him race?  Yes.  Were there moments in my deluded state where I secretly thought, "Hey, he came back from cancer and raced, maybe I could start racing too!"  Yes.  Did I like to cheer for a fellow Texan?  HELL Yes!  Did I refuse to believe he could have used drugs to cheat after all the drugs that were pumped through him during chemo?  You better believe it.  Was I incredibly dissappointed and let down when I watched the above interview and heard him finally "come clean"?  Absolutely.

But I don't wear the yellow bracelet for him.  Say what you want about his cheating, doing anything to win mentality.  But he has done an incredible amount of good for the cancer community.  So many have been helped becuase of the foundation he began and his advocacy.  As a cancer suvivor he brought the spotlight on this disease and got corporate America to begin to invest in eradicating this disease.  So for that alone I am grateful to Lance Armstrong for what he has done to help the fight against cancer.  The Livestrong Foundation is still advocating for those battling this disease and Lance Armstrong is no longer involved in the operation of the organization. 

No, I wear the bracelet for my sisters, my mother, the children of Sunrise, my friends and all those I met along the Ride Across America who have battled or are battling this disease. I wear the band in support for them. I ride in yellow in support for the people who don't even know they have the disease and will soon be fighting their own battle. Current estimates are that 35,000 a day will be diagnosed with cancer. I wear yellow to lend them my strength in their fight. 

And I look forward to a day when I don't have to buy another yellow bracelet.  Ever.

Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road.

One of Our Own

This past Wednesday dawned way too early as we got all the kids up, dressed and fed.  It wasn't the simple fact that it was 5:30 in the morning, nor the fact that I had been on call with the Northport Fire Department last night (one call at 12:00 so that wasn't too bad) and had slept on the couch.

Instead, I think it had much to do with the fact that Amy and I didn't get much sleep over the last two nights as we were waiting for January 30th to roll around.  No, its not an anniversary of any particular event in our lives, rather it was the day that we would be taking our beautiful little boy in to Stonybrook Hospital to have the tumor removed from his shoulder blade.  None of us had really slept well for quite a few nights worried about what might happen.  William would get up a few times a night not really sure why but it was clear he was more anxious than his nine-year-old brain could rationalize.  Amy and I weren't able to sleep for the simple reason that this was OUR little boy.

Those of you who followed our Connor's Army Ride Across America (or CARAAM for short) know that we were riding for the children of Sunrise Day Camp and with the combined efforts of our entire family Connor's Army was able to raise $25,000 for the camp (by the way, if you're reading this its still not to late to donate, all you have to do is click here for more information) and send four kids to a life changing summer experience. 

What many of you may not know is how much my children invested themselves in this mission to help the kids of Sunrise.  It wasn't just giving up their summer to ride in a van and support their insane summer.  Wherever we went they were the embassadors and PR crew par excellence.  All it took was for Amy or I to engage in a conversation with someone about what we were doing for the summer, one of the kids would come up and hand them a CARAAM brochure and talk about it too.  And more often than not it was William who was being the PR rep.

The kids also had a goal this summer of riding along with me and also contributing to the effort to help the kids of Sunrise by doing a small percentage of what daddy was doing.  Sarah's goal was 10% or 400 miles.  The boys on their little 20" bikes were going to have a harder time of it and couldn't really handle steep hills so they could only join me when the going was relatively flat so they made a goal of 100 miles - 1/4 of Sarah's goal.  They would pedal along as fast as they could move their legs and any time the terrain sloped upwards William seemed to feel it the most.  But he was determined that he would get his miles in.  He was the one that was the most raring to go and even now when the weather is 20 degrees outside he wants to go on a bike ride with daddy.  He loves it and that's why he was so devastated when during our day of riding from Mount Vernon to Alexandria on the Mount Vernon Trail he pooped out and couldn't finish.  Amy had to pick him up and take him along and for the next week he would continue to fret about not being able to finish his miles, not being able to get his 100.  So during our layover in Swedesboro we made it a point to go on a ride so he could be even with James. 

My son is a fighter and yet he is one of the most empathic little boys you'll ever meet.  He was so into helping the kids fighting cancer and when we met Elijah Dalton he immediately bonded with him and they began playing as if they were old friends.  He understands that children who are sick are just like he and his brother, it doesn't matter if they have no hair or if they have other physical things going on.  And he just wants then to feel better.  That's why this week has been so hard.

You see, over the summer William, Sarah and James were spending lots of time in the pool.  We always tried to stay places where they could swim so we could make sure they got some exercise.  With all that time shirtless we became aware that William had a lump small lump on his left shoulder blade that didn't match the lump on his right.  We kept an eye on it and it didn't seem to hurt him.  But over the course of the summer we noticed it was getting larger.  It felt hard to the touch so we new it wasn't cartiledge or soft tissue but we had no idea what it was.  We returned to Northport and it still wasn't hurting him so we just kept an eye on it.

In October we noticed it was about three times the size it had been in July so we decided to take him to get it checked out.  His pediatrician suggested we go to a specialist and that would suggested another.  To make a long story short, after a lot of testing (MRI, Xray, and others) they couldn't decide conclusively what it was but the best guess they had was that it was an osteochondroma.   And it looked something like this - PLEASE NOTE, WILLIAMS' WAS NOWHERE NEAR THIS SIZE! It was perhaps 1/4 the size of this one.  I only show this picture because for some stupid reason we never took a picture of William's and this one is roughly in exactly the same place.

However, after all the testing they weren't 100% certain.  They also said that although they were reasonably sure that it was benign, it would continue to grow as he grew and if it did it could end up matasticizing at some point.  It was at that point Amy and I both said "take it out".  If there was to be any chance at all that William's growth could become full-blown cancerous we wanted it gone.  Added to that is the fact that most osteochondromas tend to be found at the end of growth plates on long bones and this one was in a scapula, not in soft tissue so the doctors are completely sure.  All William knew was that he had a tumor and he was going to have an operation which is what I think led to all the sleepless nights.

So on Wednesday Amy took William to Stony Brook Hospital and I dropped James off at intramurals at 7:00 and then I headed off to join them.  We didn't have a lot of time with him before he went in and then it was time to decide who would be with him as he dropped off to sleep from the anesthesia.  Of course mama won out and she sang him one of his favorite lullabies from when he was little;



Finally, a little after 9:00 they came out to tell us that the surgery had begun.  Now it was just the waiting.  We posted on facebook, caught up with e-mails and generally tried to think positive, healing thoughts and direct all our energy towards our brave little boy.  Finally Dr. Kahn met with us and told us that he got it all, it looked clean, he was 98% sure it was benign but that we would have to wait for two weeks until the pathology came in to be certain.

When they finally let us in to see him it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears.   From all the calls I have gone on with the Northport Fire Department I'm fairly used to seeing folks in hospital beds.  A lot of the time I help put them in there.  But those are full sized adults and they're not my little boy.  As I saw him there on his side with the IV dripping out and surrounded by rolled up blankets to keep him from rolling on to his back I felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do.  Because I know my way around the beds I could adjust them and I knew what the SPO2 meant and how to interpret it.  It made me feel like I was doing something useful.

William was in a lot of pain and it tore me up to not be able to make him feel better at all.  The nurses all fell in love with him and his pink streaked hair (which he explained was for Valentine's Day - see it up top) and he charmed them all.  His nurse kept giving him a small dosage of pain reliever every five minutes but finally she had to give him an oral as that wasn't helping.  Small wonder since the doctor's basically scooped out the bone.  Finally we were able to take him home.

William has spent the last two days at home in his pajamas with mama, watching videos and resting.  He still wakes quite often in the night because of the pain and we have to give him doses of Tylenol with Coddeine which only last about three hours.  But he is healing and he is getting better thanks to all the prayers and thoughts of our family and friends.  But I'm still feeling helpless to do something for our little boy so I have to ride.  After a summer spent riding for the children of Sunrise with my own children its now time to ride for one of my own, my little William.

So when I rolled into Syosset High School this morning, this is what the Weather.com listed as the current conditions.

 

Was I freezing?  Definitely.  Was the wind blowing faster than I could pedal?  Roger that.  But all the pain and cold I felt today was nothing compared to the pain my little boy is feeling in his bones.  So I ducked my head and just kept pedaling.  And if I was hoping for a killer tailwind to help me on the way back that would be a big negatory - I had it right on my beam the entire time.  But it was all for my boy, my brave, truthful and unselfish real boy.

 

So now I need to finish gluing on the weights for the boys' Pinewood Derby cars and get them set for the weigh-in tomorrow.  William is going to get out of the house for the first time in three days and I can't wait to hear all the stories of how his friends are going to appreciate his being back.

 

And now I leave you with the lullaby I always sang for William when he was a little boy, "New Words" by Maury Yeston from the musical In the Beginning as sung by Brian Stokes Mitchell, enjoy.

  



Stay Well Y'all, and I will see you on the road - I'm pedaling for William.



What A Difference A Year Makes

(Now where did I leave that Mallet?)

So a year ago on January 9, 2012 I wrote about the trials and tribulations I had just faced and how I was just beginning to crawl out of one of the lowest points of my personal life.  I entitled the entry "Finding My Sanity" and it primarily detailed how I was finally being able to make sense of my life after being personally attacked by a parent as a result of the casting of Beauty and the Beast all of which I chronicled here. 

Although I waxed rather optimistically in that January 9 posting, the truth was that her vindictive actions caused much more damage to our efforts to raise money for Sunrise Day Camp than I at that time anticipated.  Because of this parent's actions I wasn't able to talk about the Connor's Army Ride Across America to students, parents or even my colleagues at school until the very end.  I wasn't allowed to share this momentous undertaking with those people that I spend the most time of my life with (well aside from my own family) and it really caused a schism between myself and many members of the club.  A schism that I fear still survives in small amounts to this day.  I still get feelings that certain of that young ladie's friends who have yet to graduate are still viewing me with the same distrust, anger and ill will - the seeds of which were sown by this young lady and her mother.  And I have to say, of all the casting decisions I have ever made, this one has made in my life this one has made me the most sad because of the long term effects it had on the club and on the life of innocent children who could have been helped.

This all comes about as a result of the fact that we have recently cast the latest SHS musical and once again there are students whose lives have been affected and who are angry at me because of casting decisions I have made.  I wish I could say that I gotten used to it but I don't think I ever will.  However, a friend of mine who is retired from the High School directing game told me that he used to describe the casting process by using the analogy of putting together a puzzle.  There are many beautiful pieces, each of them completely unique unto itself and many are capable of matching up with other pieces.  However, its only when you get the right combination of pieces in the right spots that you can truly see the beauty of the complete picture.  Keeping that image in my head has helped me to keep my sanity this time.  Even thought I may find myself less patient with the kids now than I used to be, and much more ready to tell them to just shut up and either do it or don't I have learned.  This year has taught me that I need to continue to be true to myself and stop pussyfooting around those who didnt' get cast the way they wanted to be.  I can't rearrange the puzzle just becuase one piece wants to be in a different place.  So the year has made a difference.

Another difference is that the event that was once a dream has actually happened.   Every since I started the Connor's Army organization with the help of my wife Amy one of the main goals in the back of my mind was to ride across America to raise money to help the cancer community.  After working at Sunrise Day Camp three summers ago I knew that my effort to do so would best serve those kids.  The original time frame (Summer 2011) didn't work out because I waited to long to try and get sponsors and to get my logistics together.  After a second summer of working at Sunrise I knew beyond a doubt that my efforts would go to good use at the camp and I vowed that even if I had to do it alone and unsupported, summer 2012 would be the year it happened.

It wasn't easy to plan and to be honest without my wife's superior planning skills it never would have happened.  It was her logistics, her booking skills and her patience that made it possible.  Add to that the complete support of my three children (who also rode along) and we were committed (some would argue we should have been) to the plan.  After 74 days away from home and more than 6,000 miles of round trip travel, we arrived at the grounds of Sunrise on August 24th to the welcome of friends, family, staffers and campers.  We made some amazing memories along the way and I am so grateful to my family for making this possible.  Not only my immediate family but my sisters, brothers-in-law, nephews, nieces, parents, and my ACT family.  Their love  and support (and in some cases sponsorships - thank you Laura) made our journey possible and in the process (when you add in Sarah's coming of age celebration) helped us to raise $25,000 for Sunrise - enough for four campers.  It was only half of our original dream but it will still make a huge difference.

It didn't come without a cost of sorts.  The first thing we learned is sometimes no good deed goes unpunished as we chronicled in a post at the end of August.  It seems our house sitter left us in worse state than we left and it took us a long time (not to mention quite a bit of money) to dig ourselves out of the complications his staying here caused.

The other cost came in the fact I wasn't able to join the Northport Fire Department, at least initially.  I went for the interview last May and it all seemed to be very, very promising.  However, at the end of the interview with all of the chiefs they asked me if I had any questions.  I let them know our plans for the summer, why I was doing it and asked if that would be a problem.  They all agreed that I would lose too much training time and I would end up coming in as the new guy that nobody knew.  I have to admit I was a bit crushed.  Every since we moved to Northport I've seen the ambulance going by our house and I would see the bicycle EMT's at all the parades and village events.  I've always wanted to be a part of that and give back to my community but I had to wait until the kids were older and I had finished my Master's in School District Leadership.  Originally I had hoped to join last December, get my training done and be a certified EMT before we left for the cross country trip.  But alas it was not to be.  I worred and fretted that perhaps I had lost my window of opportunity and wouldn't get the chance to join.

But lo and behold, I called them when we came back and to make a short story short - I was sworn in to the Northport Fire Department on December 6th, 2012!!!!!!

Since then I've been able to go out on about 40 calls and I make it my goal to try to learn a new piece of knowledge or skill set for each call I go out on.  So far I've been successful in that goal and I'm enjoying it so much.  I'm still in the honeymoon stage in that whenever my beeper goes off Amy and the kids still say "Bye Daddy!"  I know that it won't last much longer but for now I'm glad I'm helping my community.  I've already spoken to officers in the department and I'm DEFINITELY going to be part of the bike squad starting this spring as I don't have to be certified to work on the bike squad - I just have to go on calls with someone who is.  Next goal is to become a certified EMT!!!!  All in due time!

So, its been a busy year and I haven't touched on EVERYTHING that's happened in our busy lives but that's the majority of what's been going on with me and the family and Connor's Army.  I have lots of goals this year, and one of them is to reinvent our mission for Connor's Army - any suggestions out there?????  Perhaps I should revisit the idea I had last year to combine two of my passions and create a Connor's Army Bicycle Ballet Troupe;



Stay well (and thirsty) my friends and I'll see you on the road!



How Do I Spell Gratitude?

(Sprinting his way in the opposite direction of the deep fryer)

In NYC today (only a short bicycle jaunt from my hometown of Northport) they are holding the 13th Annual Cranksgiving Ride.  It's an event that I've always wanted to do but we have our annual holiday gathering at Mark and Laura's in Verona, NJ and its an amazing time for us all to be together and appreciate our amazing family.  So we're currently watching the parade on television and then we'll head out in the car for the great trek to the kingdom of New Jersey.  Yes, we do have to deal with the New Jersey traffic but at least this time I'm not doing it on a bicycle!

One of our traditions (which we in the Connor household have been doing on a daily basis for years) is to go around the tables and say one thing that we are grateful for in the last year.  To be honest, there are so many things I am grateful for this year that I can't limit it to just one so I decided to create this little acronym instead;

T - Three thousand, seven-hundred and thirteen miles without major mechanical issues and with only one minor accident.  The only mechanical was really just a flat tire (on one of the most grueling days of the ride) and the only accident was when Sarah ran into me on the way to Floyd, VA.  But there could have been so many instances where things could have gone horribly wrong but they didn't.  And for that I am grateful.
H - Healthy children.  Spending 44 days in the saddle this summer riding for children who are battling cancer made me so much more appreciative of the fact that my children are completely healthy and (I hope) happy.  Even when they annoy me, I am grateful for the fact that I do have them here TO annoy the @#$#@ out of me sometimes!  I am truly grateful that they are in my life.
A - All the people who supported us, sponsored us, followed us, and read this blog.  I truly could not have made it through all of those long difficult days without you.  Knowing you all believed in me and that you were pushing for me was sometimes the only thing that kept me from tossing my bike on the side of the road and calling it a day.
N - New experiences and memories that I have had over the last year with my family.  As difficult as it was to coexist in a small confined space (i.e., minivan, hotel rooms, Kozy Kabins, etc.) I really felt as if I grew closer to my family instead of away.  With them I traveled to places I have wanted to visit since I was a kid (The Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, Colorado) and now I have these incredible memories of seeing my children and my wife discover the beauty that is this country.
K - Kozy Kabins, Kansans, Krispy Kreme Donuts and all other things that started with "K" that we got to experience this summer.  And yes, I know that I'm dwelling a lot over what happened this summer but it truly was a life changing experience not only for myself but for my children as well.  I think they really got the chance to see what this amazing country is all about and all the diversity that it holds.
S - Sunrises with Sarah, Sunsets with the family.  I think one of the things that I will remember the most about this summer was being with Sarah as she watched her very first sunrise.  We were on our bicycles heading to Pittsburgh, KS at something like 5:45 in the morning and I had the unbridled joy of watching her watch the sunrise from behind.  Her comments and little squeals of joy (in between the occasional puffing and heavy breathing) as she witnessed her first ever sunrise were magical.  And since this followed only about a week or so after the entire family had experienced the sunset over the Western rim of the Grand Canyon, we were in solar display heaven!  Memories like this are ones that I will take with me to my dying day and I hope they are ones the kids will remember forever.
G - Gas in the tank.  One of the hardest things about this summer's journey was the concern about gas prices.  We were very lucky in that we never hit the out-of-control gas prices that were originally forcast for the summer so we always had gas in the tank.  Well, except for that one brief period of time when Amy thought she would run out on the way to Charlottesville.  But more importantly, gas and oil prices have stayed low on Long Island which has been a big help as we are all struggling in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.  We recently started a gas rationing program here on the Island and it has helped alleviate the lines and the craziness.  People are actually beginning to be civil again to one another.  So this grateful is for gas!
I - In the moment.  One of the things that I was able to do this summer is live in the moment - something I've been striving to do for a very long time.  It was so much easier to do it when I was young but as I've grown oldere and have accumulated more responsibilites and cares (sort of like my mental and emotional saddlebags) I've forgotten to just live for the now and enjoy every moment.  This summer my children reminded me to do that.  As I experienced America through their eyes I saw how important it is for me to get back to the idea of just allowing myself to experience the here and now thoroughly.  I hope I can continue this important lesson.
V - Veni, Vidi, Vici  This summer I learned a lot about myself and I learned I CAN survive any challenge that I undertake.  It may not always have the ending that I dream about (*cough, cough* $50,000 raised for Sunrise) but I can do it.  This summer I came to some very desolate and inhospitable places in our country's landscape and I saw the challenges I had to face and yet I conquered them.  I am extremely grateful for the lessons this jounrey taught me.  Not only about myself but about my amazing wife and my incredible children.  I have always appreciated them and how blessed I am to have them in my life but because of what they helped me do and how they gave of themselves to help me reach this goal I appreciate them so much more.  I know that seems impossible but its true.  My greatest wish is to try to keep reminding myself every day of how they support me and love me, even when we make each other nuts.
I - Ice Cream!!!!!!! I know this seems like a silly thing to be grateful for but ice cream has tied our family together over the past year.  From making huge sundaes to celebrate the New Year (or the Connormonster we made when the power went out) to Amy's end of summer birthday party bash, ice cream bonds our family together.  Whether we're making our own or venturing down into Northport to see if they have any new flavors, we always enjoy it together.  And this summer the adventures we shared while looking for the perfect ice cream experience were numerous but to me, any time I could share the ice cream with my incredible family was the perfect ice cream experience.
N - New people who have come into our life and those with whom we've manage to reconnect with this year.  Our friends, old and new, have helped us weather some difficult times this year both emotionally and physically.  I am so incredibly grateful for all of these people who are in our lives and who have helped us maintain our sanity and our optimisim about the good of people in the world.
G - Gas in the tank.  One of the nicest things that has been said about me as a rider happened shortly after I came back from the summer.  I was riding with the AA crew of the Huntington Bicycle Club and I was having a good ride.  I was in shape I was pulling at times but I wasn't the fastest guy out there.  That's when my friend Michael Foresto said one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me, "He doesn't have a big engine but he's got a lot of gas in the tank!"  And that pretty much epitomizes my whole life.  I'm not flashy, I'm not the fastest, and I'm not necessarily the best.  But I can AND WILL keep going.  I found that to be true this summer and I think its been true my entire life.  I will keep going no matter what and I can keep going.  There are far too many people that I can help to give up now.

So the journey is done but the battle is not won.  I don't know yet what Connor's Army will do in the future but I know that it will be somehow related to helping the cancer community in any way that I can.  For to me, the best way to show my gratitude for the bounty that has been bestowed on me is to give back - in whatever way I can.

Stay well my friends, and I'll see you on the road!

No Good Deed.........

There is a philosphophy that you can be one of two kinds of people and there is no in-between.  You can be either an optimist and join groups like Optimist International while listening to songs like "Optimistic" by Radiohead;



or you can be a pessimist and move to Greece while spending your time listening to Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings, Op. 11 while drowning your sorrows in pints of Guinness Ben and Jerry's.



Now it is well documented that I am fairly mostly Irish in my lineage and some would say demeanor.  As it so happens, I have a magnet on my refrigerator that states, "An Irishman has an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains him through temporary periods of joy" and my wife would pretty much agree.  In the past I have had a great tendency to look at the negative and always think the worse outcome possible is going to happen.  For instance, during much of the Ride Across America I was convinced I would either be hit by a truck/car/RV or be viciously attacked by some rabid (or at least REALLY angry) stray dog.  It would often preoccupy my thoughts so much that I would be physically exhausted and stressed by the end of the day.

I'm glad to say that neither happened.  I actually did have to spray a few dogs (read my previous posts) but I didn't get bitten and all was well.  And I didn't really have any close car/truck/RV calls until twenty miles from the end - when I reached Manhassat!

But while I rode for sometimes 10 and 12 hours a day on the bike this summer I had the chance to do a lot of contemplating of many different things and one of them was my outlook on life. 

I saw a lot of people who were going through hard times.  Coal miners who were out of work and not likely to get any in the near future.  Women in their 50's who had been laid off from their jobs and were now working in convenience stores because that was the only job available.  Farmers who had to make the choice between watering their crops or watering their livestock.  The town of Joplin, MO which is still struggling to recover after the tornadoes of last year.  A young couple in Southern Virginia who are stuggling to work multiple jobs and pay the medical bills to help their 8-year-old battle neuroblastoma.

It made me realize that no matter how things get here in Northport, I can't complain.  I have a good job that I love to do.  I have an amazing wife that loves me and supports me (even in my mad quixotic pursuits).  I have children who are healthy, bright and loving.  And I have a beautiful home that we love.  I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to be optimistic about.

And herein lies the problem.  My family and I spent the summer trying to do something to make the world a little better for other - the children and their families.  One of the major hurdles we had to cross was to find someone to watch our cat Lily (you can read about her in Amy's Blog entry).  We finally found someone we could trust and we left for our journey secure in the knowledge that our home and cat would be well taken care of.  However, only a few days into her house sitting for us the young lady was bitten by something while sleeping in our bed.  She and her parents were very nervous (I guess with all the horror stories of bed bugs it's understandable) and she said she couldn't sleep over any more but she would be willing to come by during the day and take care of Lily.  Since we really needed someone here at night we starting sending out the word to find someone to replace her.

My mother-in-law had an acquaintance approach her and said her son was recently let go from his job and was going through a divorce and although he was staying with her, he stays up late at night and he's not loud but it keeps her awake and was wondering if maybe he could stay at our place for the summer and look after Lilly.  Joan met with him and said he seemed quiet and nice.  I think she said he might have been a little odd but okay.  We were relieved!  Thanks to Joan and her Mahjong Mafia we were able to get a replacement house sitter from 3,000 miles away.

The fact that we could never get in touch with him (he didn't have a phone or a computer or a job) should have been our first clue.  The only way we seemed to be able to get in touch with him was through Joan.  Since we couldn't get in touch with him we didn't get our mail when we needed it, we didn't really know how Lilly or the house were doing.  Every now and then we'd get an e-mail saying Lilly was doing okay.

So finally with a little more than a week to go we asked Joan to check in on things.  That's when she told us the house was a wreck.  Well, maybe not a wreck but it was filthy.  To make a VERY long story short, the garbage hadn't been taken out in weeks.  Well, it made it to the side of the house but not to the curb.  His children apparently had been staying at the house (children we knew nothing about, if we had we would have said, "Fine, but here are the things we would like them not to touch) and ALL of the beds and bedrooms were a mess.  The rugs were filthy and the kitchen was extremely dirty.  Aaaaaaannnndddd, apparently he had run out of garbage bags for the kitchen trash can but didn't buy any so he was just dumping it in the trash can and then dumping it outside.  When Joan went to throw something away fruit flies went everywhere!

So we were now officially freaked out!  We spent the last week of our journey not sleeping and worrying about what condition our home would be in.  Our house sitter - let's call him Joe A. - had told us that he was going on a week's vacation (a vacation that kept getting put off because his car was in the shop and he didn't have the money to get it out yet) and would be back the Monday before we returned home.  After discussing it with Joan we decided that we would tell him we were having the place cleaned and that others would look after the place when he returned so he didn't have to stay until we got home on Friday. 

Yes, we were getting the placed cleaned - by my in-laws.  They are truly saintly people and if ever we have been more grateful to anyone I can't remember when it possibly could have been.  So Joe A. gathered his things and our friends Carla and Rita took care of Lilly until Joan and Mort could take over.  My in-laws cleaned everything.  My father-in-law fixed the broken fans that he could (there was one beyond repair), scrubbed the kitchen trash can, took all the garbage out to the curb and took all the recycling to his recycling center.

My sainted mother-in-law did something she rarely does at home - cleaned!  Of course I'm kidding (since I know Joan will read this!), but she took care of getting as much of our home back in order as she could, making beds, cleaning floors, scrubbing, etc.  On top of that she slept in our home so Lilly would have company.  All above and beyond the call of duty!!!!

We rode in and finished our journey, had dinner and then we tried tackling some of the mess before we went to bed.  We didn't really get far and we decided to put it off until Saturday. 

And that's when the FUN began.

We knew we had a mess to clean up but we started discovering things.  Ground up candy in the floor, candy between the floorboards, crunched up potato chips in the seat and couch cushions, spilled jello shots in the freezer (yes, that's right - using our children's medecine cups)!  "Okay," we thought, "maybe he had a party and forgot about them".  And then we started noticing the odd things.

8 bags of frozen corn.  I love corn as much as the next person but 8 bags?????

ALLLLLLL of our food was gone.  Okay, not ALL but ALMOST every scrap of food we had left in the refrigerator, the freezer, and the pantry was gone.

Our neighbor Kathleen told us about the rats.  Apparently a problem that we have never had in the nine years we have lived here has surfaced - rats in the yard.  Our neighbor loves her bird feeder and told us Saturday morning that she hadn't been able to feed them because rats showed up about two weeks ago.  Her landlord put a rat trap out back but she wasn't sure it was working.

And then Amy saw a rat!  While she was in the kitchen she saw a rat run into the drainage pipe built into our retaining wall.  It came out and then ran into another pipe further down the wall.  Now we are used to the chipmunks doing that but rats are another thing.  So I immediately went down into the basement to look for signs of rats down there.  If they were in the house that would be VERY bad!

And I found the plastic bag.

Since the cedar closet was right next to where all the piles of trash had been I started my search there.  Right in the middle of the floor was a plastic bag.  "What the hell is this?????"  So I looked inside and I found and empty gallon container from a cheap brand of vodka.  Hmmmmmmm.  So I went upstairs and I asked Amy, "Were you saving this for some sort of project for the kids?"  Since she replied in the negative we could only assume one thing - Joe had been hiding empty alchohol bottles in the basement.  Back down I went to see if I could find any more.  No such luck.

Now when we had gotten home on Friday we had noticed an empty wine bottle in the recycling.  Apparently it had been on the counter so Joan or Mort put it in the recycling after Mort had already taken everything away.  But now we began to be curious so we looked in the area of the pantry where we kept our alchoholic beverages.  As far as we could tell the wine was all there but there we noticed the tequila bottle (which had been about half full, left over from the chili party last December) had only about an eighth of an inch left.  And then we noticed that two pint bottles of gin which were extra bottles I had left over after giving show gifts for Thoroughly Modern Millie were still on the shelf but empty!  And as we perused more of the shelf space we made a chilling discovery and we had to ask ourselves;



And then by simple deduction we started to put it all together from all the behavior and we thought we had the answer, perhaps Joe A. drinks a little - at least all of OUR stuff.  Its not that we are big consumers of hard alchohol but when we see five bottles of it gone plus an empty bottle in the basement and all the leftover jello shots (yes, we finally tasted a bit of one and it was VERY potent) we began to think that maybe he drinks A LOT.  It is sort of the only answer we can think of for all of the behaviorisms that were being reported to us.

And we cursed the spider that bit Claire!

So this week has been one of trying to clean up the mess that Joe has left us.  I spent all of Saturday cleaning the refrigerator (which was disgusting but made easier by the fact that it and the freezer were EMPTY) and the microwave (in which something was cooked and apparently exploded in a Mythbusters type experiment).  Amy, the kids and I spent the next two days cleaning floors (Sarah even got down on her hands and knees with a straightened out paper clip to clean non pariels out of the floor boards).  I spent an entire day on the bathrooms while Amy scoured the pantry and repapered (which once again was easy since there was no food).  I went to Home Depot and got plugs to block up the entrances of all the weep holes (the drains in our retaining wall).  Sadly, it would mean that the boys' sleepover would have to be indoors instead of in a tent as they so badly wanted.

We also had estimates from three exterminators who confirmed our suspicions that the rats were MOST likely drawn to our yard by the accumulation of garbage - a veritable smorgasborg right next to our house. We found out it would be about $750 to get rid of them by using bait traps for a year.  At least they confirmed my observation that there were no rats in the basement or the shed.

And we started tallying up the costs of our house sitter from hell.  Between food eaten, alchohol consumed, fans broken, trash cans needing to be replaced, light pulls needing to be replaced, various other broken items and the cost of the exterminating - a bit over $1500! 

And we began thinking, NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED, AND we cursed the spider that bit Claire!

But we had to count our blessings.  We were home and it was still standing and after some diligent extermination our rat issue will be gone!  Our fridge and freezer are cleaner than they have been in years and we've been able to do the spring cleaning that we forgot to do (in the spring).  Our family is healthy, we made it back in one piece, the van is still running and our cat is thriving and happy to see us.  Life is good.

One of the wonderful things about the summer was watching the summer Olympics on television (when we weren't watching Chopped, Cupcake Wars, or Food Star) and the closing ceremony allowed me to introduce my children to one of my favorite songs from a Monty Python movie.  However, instead of the version we all saw at the Olympic closing, I choose to share with you dear readers the original and remind us all to look at the glass half full and "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life";



And so we clean, I get to do some more riding this week and we get to spend a little more time bonding as a family before school begins again - and that is the glass being half full!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!