The Rumors of My Demise........

Growing up, one of my favorite authors (among so very many) was Samuel Clemens, most famously known by his nom de plume, Mark Twain. As anyone who has read much of his prolific output can attest, his had a somewhat rapier wit. Many of my favorite quotes have come from his writings, including the one included in the picture above. I spent two years of my life when I was in middle school (in Georgia of all places) reading as much of his writing as I could get out of the school library and other sundry places. Among some of the other works I read were these;

The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County

The Innocents Abroad

Roughing It

The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today

Sketches New and Old

Old Times on the Mississippi

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

A Tramp Abroad 

The Prince and the Pauper

Life on the Mississippi

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Pudd'n'head Wilson

How to Tell a Story and other Essays

The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg

The Diary of Adam and Eve

A Dog's Tale

The War Prayer 

Is Shakespeare Dead?

Letters from the Earth

So it's not surprising that in 8th grade I was accused by one teacher of having a "smart mouth".  I couldn't help it, I was influenced by all the sharp witicisms I was consuming from the pages of his work.  Of course, this was Martinez, Georgia in the mid-70's and my English teacher was thrilled that she had a student that was in love with word play and the power of the written word.  Not all of my teachers felt the same.

 

Although Mark Twain died in 1910, on two occasions the writer was incorrectly feared dead. Though only the second case would really be considered as a premature obituary, the first is often erroneously cited as the most famous case of the incorrect report of the passing of an individual:

1. In 1897 a journalist was sent to inquire after Twain's health, thinking he was near to death; in fact it was his cousin who was very ill. Though (contrary to popular belief) no obituary was published, Twain recounted the event in the New York Journal of 2 June 1897, including his famous words "The report of my death was an exaggeration" (which is usually misquoted, e.g. as "The rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated", or "Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated", or quite often "The rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated").
2. On 4 May 1907, when people lost track of a yacht he was traveling on, the New York Times published an article saying he might have been lost at sea.  In fact, the yacht had been held up by fog, and Twain had disembarked. Twain read the article, and cleared up the story by writing a humorous account in the New York Times the following day.

And its the first quote that I take as my inspiration for this blog entry. 

 

I have to admit I have never been a very good pen pal or correspondent of any type.   Back in the day (which as you can see below would have been somewhere along the mid spine)

 

 

I really did try to keep a few pen pals as that was before the joys of instantaneous internection connectivity but those brief forays into long range correspondance always faded after six months or so.  Therefore, it should be understandable that my natural proclivity is not able to keep up long term correspondence.  Its not that I don't know how to write.  Since high school I've received compliments on how well I express myself in the written forum.  Its just that given the choice, I would much rather read than write. 

 

There have been two notable exceptions to this natural order.  The first was during the long separations that I had from Amy when we were first together.  As young performers we would take work wherever we could get it and more often than not it meant that we weren't in the same place at the same time while doing it.  As a matter of fact, a month before we got married I was performing West Side Story in Berlin, Germany while Amy was performing Nunsense in Akron, OH USA!  Nevertheless, I would dutifully write her letters and cards to keep alive our connection.  It was part of the reality of that constant separation that caused me to leave "the business" as it became increasingly more clear to me that the only way we could have a family was if we were in the same place at the same time.

 

The other exception was this past summer when I made a concerted effort to try and write every day while on the road to let everyone know how the journey had progressed.  However even that was not a complete success as I have twelve entries in various stages of draft completion.  Although considering we were gone for 74 days, I guess that's not so bad for me.  Added to that I have five other drafts stretching back to 2011 that I started and never finished for a total of 17 unfinished drafts - but I'm working on it.  One idea I have is to collect all of those blog entries and create a book of our travels with each entry being a separate chapter.  For those of you who have followed my blog posts you know they tend to be long and verbose (despite my best efforts, this has been a lifelong "curse" I always write TOO much) so with a little judicious editing and addition they can be chapters unto themselves.

So what has all of this got to do with Mark Twain's quote?  I've been far to silent for far too long and I do know that I have followers who are interested in some of what I say as evidenced from the almost 30,000 views this blog has received.  I'm sure some of you who read my blogs somewhat regularly over the summer have probably wondered what the hell happened to me and what is going on?  To be sure, a lot has happened in my life both good and bad, most recently we had a scare of sorts with William but we just received word this past week that he is "clean" and healthy and that the likelihood of his tumor returning is pretty nil.  To be honest this has consumed most of our life here in the month of February.  The news has really brought us all back to life, pretty much the way this guy feels;
 

 

As you can imagine our lives are incredibly happy now because our little boy is healthy and clean. 

 

Another thing that has been going on is my incredible lack of motivation to ride.  I've chalked up my riding log and I've realized that I've only ridden five days since the first of the year.  I've had many colleagues at school ask me if I'm still riding and I've been incredibly embarassed to admit that I haven't.  Now I can justify a lot of the last eight weeks away by talking about how I'm just getting over the flu, how the roads were really bad because of Winter Storm Nemo, how I've been unable to ride on the weekends because I'm a member of the Northport Fire Department and I want to be able to go on calls, my nagging knee injury that made bending my leg near impossible for two weeks (which I treated myself, shhh don't tell my orthopedist), etc.

 

But in reality the answer is simply I SUCK!  I have allowed myself to fall into the post "I HAVE  ACHIEVED MY DREAM" doldrums.  Last year I logged the most miles that I have ever ridden in my life on the road (7746.26) and I've just been feeling worn out and unmotivated to get back out there.  I've been forgetting the reasons I started riding in the first place;

 

It's fun!

It's freedom!

I can make a difference!

 

So I'm happy to say I'm back and I'm getting back in the saddle and starting to pedal again to help those who need it.  For starters, I'm going to be part of the Bicycle Rescue Squad for the Doug Wood 5K Cross Country Run on April 13!  Its one of the reasons I wanted to join the Rescue Squad in the first place - to combine my passion for helping others with my passion for cycling.  Its my hope that by next year I'll be a fully certified EMT and I can really be even more of a help to folks.

 

Secondly, I'm joining my wife, daughter and one of my sons in shaving our heads for the annual St. Baldrick's event.  Amy and Sarah have formed a team called Bald and Beautiful and although they are beautiful, I'm just going to be bald.  The only problem is as of yet I haven't raised any money towards my $500 goal.  If any of you would like to help me get there, you can contribute to funding children's cancer research by clicking here.  C'mon, whose going to be the first?

 

Oh, and I got back on the bike today and rode in to work.  And that was fun.

 

So, I'm not dead yet, I'm coming back to life and I hope you'll all join me for the ride!

 

And to make sure I don't really die, at least I'm not dumb enough to do this on my commute;

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

No Good Deed.........

There is a philosphophy that you can be one of two kinds of people and there is no in-between.  You can be either an optimist and join groups like Optimist International while listening to songs like "Optimistic" by Radiohead;



or you can be a pessimist and move to Greece while spending your time listening to Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings, Op. 11 while drowning your sorrows in pints of Guinness Ben and Jerry's.



Now it is well documented that I am fairly mostly Irish in my lineage and some would say demeanor.  As it so happens, I have a magnet on my refrigerator that states, "An Irishman has an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains him through temporary periods of joy" and my wife would pretty much agree.  In the past I have had a great tendency to look at the negative and always think the worse outcome possible is going to happen.  For instance, during much of the Ride Across America I was convinced I would either be hit by a truck/car/RV or be viciously attacked by some rabid (or at least REALLY angry) stray dog.  It would often preoccupy my thoughts so much that I would be physically exhausted and stressed by the end of the day.

I'm glad to say that neither happened.  I actually did have to spray a few dogs (read my previous posts) but I didn't get bitten and all was well.  And I didn't really have any close car/truck/RV calls until twenty miles from the end - when I reached Manhassat!

But while I rode for sometimes 10 and 12 hours a day on the bike this summer I had the chance to do a lot of contemplating of many different things and one of them was my outlook on life. 

I saw a lot of people who were going through hard times.  Coal miners who were out of work and not likely to get any in the near future.  Women in their 50's who had been laid off from their jobs and were now working in convenience stores because that was the only job available.  Farmers who had to make the choice between watering their crops or watering their livestock.  The town of Joplin, MO which is still struggling to recover after the tornadoes of last year.  A young couple in Southern Virginia who are stuggling to work multiple jobs and pay the medical bills to help their 8-year-old battle neuroblastoma.

It made me realize that no matter how things get here in Northport, I can't complain.  I have a good job that I love to do.  I have an amazing wife that loves me and supports me (even in my mad quixotic pursuits).  I have children who are healthy, bright and loving.  And I have a beautiful home that we love.  I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to be optimistic about.

And herein lies the problem.  My family and I spent the summer trying to do something to make the world a little better for other - the children and their families.  One of the major hurdles we had to cross was to find someone to watch our cat Lily (you can read about her in Amy's Blog entry).  We finally found someone we could trust and we left for our journey secure in the knowledge that our home and cat would be well taken care of.  However, only a few days into her house sitting for us the young lady was bitten by something while sleeping in our bed.  She and her parents were very nervous (I guess with all the horror stories of bed bugs it's understandable) and she said she couldn't sleep over any more but she would be willing to come by during the day and take care of Lily.  Since we really needed someone here at night we starting sending out the word to find someone to replace her.

My mother-in-law had an acquaintance approach her and said her son was recently let go from his job and was going through a divorce and although he was staying with her, he stays up late at night and he's not loud but it keeps her awake and was wondering if maybe he could stay at our place for the summer and look after Lilly.  Joan met with him and said he seemed quiet and nice.  I think she said he might have been a little odd but okay.  We were relieved!  Thanks to Joan and her Mahjong Mafia we were able to get a replacement house sitter from 3,000 miles away.

The fact that we could never get in touch with him (he didn't have a phone or a computer or a job) should have been our first clue.  The only way we seemed to be able to get in touch with him was through Joan.  Since we couldn't get in touch with him we didn't get our mail when we needed it, we didn't really know how Lilly or the house were doing.  Every now and then we'd get an e-mail saying Lilly was doing okay.

So finally with a little more than a week to go we asked Joan to check in on things.  That's when she told us the house was a wreck.  Well, maybe not a wreck but it was filthy.  To make a VERY long story short, the garbage hadn't been taken out in weeks.  Well, it made it to the side of the house but not to the curb.  His children apparently had been staying at the house (children we knew nothing about, if we had we would have said, "Fine, but here are the things we would like them not to touch) and ALL of the beds and bedrooms were a mess.  The rugs were filthy and the kitchen was extremely dirty.  Aaaaaaannnndddd, apparently he had run out of garbage bags for the kitchen trash can but didn't buy any so he was just dumping it in the trash can and then dumping it outside.  When Joan went to throw something away fruit flies went everywhere!

So we were now officially freaked out!  We spent the last week of our journey not sleeping and worrying about what condition our home would be in.  Our house sitter - let's call him Joe A. - had told us that he was going on a week's vacation (a vacation that kept getting put off because his car was in the shop and he didn't have the money to get it out yet) and would be back the Monday before we returned home.  After discussing it with Joan we decided that we would tell him we were having the place cleaned and that others would look after the place when he returned so he didn't have to stay until we got home on Friday. 

Yes, we were getting the placed cleaned - by my in-laws.  They are truly saintly people and if ever we have been more grateful to anyone I can't remember when it possibly could have been.  So Joe A. gathered his things and our friends Carla and Rita took care of Lilly until Joan and Mort could take over.  My in-laws cleaned everything.  My father-in-law fixed the broken fans that he could (there was one beyond repair), scrubbed the kitchen trash can, took all the garbage out to the curb and took all the recycling to his recycling center.

My sainted mother-in-law did something she rarely does at home - cleaned!  Of course I'm kidding (since I know Joan will read this!), but she took care of getting as much of our home back in order as she could, making beds, cleaning floors, scrubbing, etc.  On top of that she slept in our home so Lilly would have company.  All above and beyond the call of duty!!!!

We rode in and finished our journey, had dinner and then we tried tackling some of the mess before we went to bed.  We didn't really get far and we decided to put it off until Saturday. 

And that's when the FUN began.

We knew we had a mess to clean up but we started discovering things.  Ground up candy in the floor, candy between the floorboards, crunched up potato chips in the seat and couch cushions, spilled jello shots in the freezer (yes, that's right - using our children's medecine cups)!  "Okay," we thought, "maybe he had a party and forgot about them".  And then we started noticing the odd things.

8 bags of frozen corn.  I love corn as much as the next person but 8 bags?????

ALLLLLLL of our food was gone.  Okay, not ALL but ALMOST every scrap of food we had left in the refrigerator, the freezer, and the pantry was gone.

Our neighbor Kathleen told us about the rats.  Apparently a problem that we have never had in the nine years we have lived here has surfaced - rats in the yard.  Our neighbor loves her bird feeder and told us Saturday morning that she hadn't been able to feed them because rats showed up about two weeks ago.  Her landlord put a rat trap out back but she wasn't sure it was working.

And then Amy saw a rat!  While she was in the kitchen she saw a rat run into the drainage pipe built into our retaining wall.  It came out and then ran into another pipe further down the wall.  Now we are used to the chipmunks doing that but rats are another thing.  So I immediately went down into the basement to look for signs of rats down there.  If they were in the house that would be VERY bad!

And I found the plastic bag.

Since the cedar closet was right next to where all the piles of trash had been I started my search there.  Right in the middle of the floor was a plastic bag.  "What the hell is this?????"  So I looked inside and I found and empty gallon container from a cheap brand of vodka.  Hmmmmmmm.  So I went upstairs and I asked Amy, "Were you saving this for some sort of project for the kids?"  Since she replied in the negative we could only assume one thing - Joe had been hiding empty alchohol bottles in the basement.  Back down I went to see if I could find any more.  No such luck.

Now when we had gotten home on Friday we had noticed an empty wine bottle in the recycling.  Apparently it had been on the counter so Joan or Mort put it in the recycling after Mort had already taken everything away.  But now we began to be curious so we looked in the area of the pantry where we kept our alchoholic beverages.  As far as we could tell the wine was all there but there we noticed the tequila bottle (which had been about half full, left over from the chili party last December) had only about an eighth of an inch left.  And then we noticed that two pint bottles of gin which were extra bottles I had left over after giving show gifts for Thoroughly Modern Millie were still on the shelf but empty!  And as we perused more of the shelf space we made a chilling discovery and we had to ask ourselves;



And then by simple deduction we started to put it all together from all the behavior and we thought we had the answer, perhaps Joe A. drinks a little - at least all of OUR stuff.  Its not that we are big consumers of hard alchohol but when we see five bottles of it gone plus an empty bottle in the basement and all the leftover jello shots (yes, we finally tasted a bit of one and it was VERY potent) we began to think that maybe he drinks A LOT.  It is sort of the only answer we can think of for all of the behaviorisms that were being reported to us.

And we cursed the spider that bit Claire!

So this week has been one of trying to clean up the mess that Joe has left us.  I spent all of Saturday cleaning the refrigerator (which was disgusting but made easier by the fact that it and the freezer were EMPTY) and the microwave (in which something was cooked and apparently exploded in a Mythbusters type experiment).  Amy, the kids and I spent the next two days cleaning floors (Sarah even got down on her hands and knees with a straightened out paper clip to clean non pariels out of the floor boards).  I spent an entire day on the bathrooms while Amy scoured the pantry and repapered (which once again was easy since there was no food).  I went to Home Depot and got plugs to block up the entrances of all the weep holes (the drains in our retaining wall).  Sadly, it would mean that the boys' sleepover would have to be indoors instead of in a tent as they so badly wanted.

We also had estimates from three exterminators who confirmed our suspicions that the rats were MOST likely drawn to our yard by the accumulation of garbage - a veritable smorgasborg right next to our house. We found out it would be about $750 to get rid of them by using bait traps for a year.  At least they confirmed my observation that there were no rats in the basement or the shed.

And we started tallying up the costs of our house sitter from hell.  Between food eaten, alchohol consumed, fans broken, trash cans needing to be replaced, light pulls needing to be replaced, various other broken items and the cost of the exterminating - a bit over $1500! 

And we began thinking, NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED, AND we cursed the spider that bit Claire!

But we had to count our blessings.  We were home and it was still standing and after some diligent extermination our rat issue will be gone!  Our fridge and freezer are cleaner than they have been in years and we've been able to do the spring cleaning that we forgot to do (in the spring).  Our family is healthy, we made it back in one piece, the van is still running and our cat is thriving and happy to see us.  Life is good.

One of the wonderful things about the summer was watching the summer Olympics on television (when we weren't watching Chopped, Cupcake Wars, or Food Star) and the closing ceremony allowed me to introduce my children to one of my favorite songs from a Monty Python movie.  However, instead of the version we all saw at the Olympic closing, I choose to share with you dear readers the original and remind us all to look at the glass half full and "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life";



And so we clean, I get to do some more riding this week and we get to spend a little more time bonding as a family before school begins again - and that is the glass being half full!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

Let Me Sum Up/Mea Culpa - Part Deux

Okay so once again I find myself apologizing to all of you out there in cyberland.  But as the Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote in his poem "To A Mouse On Turning Up Her Nest With a Plow" (composed in 1785);

"But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
            Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain
            For promis'd joy."

Back in the day when I taught 9th grade English I used to use that as an introduction to John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men;


(and yes, I know I bear a striking resemblance to Gary Sinese - if only!)

The basic gist (for those of you for whom it has been many years since you have read the novel) is that we can plan all we want but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we planned (God laughs!)

And so it is with my pledge to update this blog more often.  I really have tried but a lot of things have gone on in the last few weeks.  And then today I checked on my blog and I realized that it had been 20 days since my last post.  I didn't know whether to do this;



or go to St. Philips across the street and recite the all too familiar litany.  Of course, for those of us who may be a little rusty on the whole confession process, you can go to this link sponsored by Catholic.org.  Either way, to you my sometime blog followers, as your sometime blog contributor I apologize as it has been 20 days since my last installment.  I would welcome your comments (yes, you can post the comments you know) on this sit or you can go to OUR facebook page (and of course, the link is in the upper right hand corner of this blog) and get updates that way.  OR, you could do both - I'm just saying.

So where was I?  Oh yes, forgive me reader for I have erred and it has been 20 days since my last installment.  And, as is the case with my life, SOOOOOOO much has happened.  So once again, in the true spirit of Inigo Montoya:


In other words, LET ME SUM UP!

When last I left you oh intrepid readers my brain was pretty much mush from my efforts on the New York State Teacher Certification Examination for School District Administration.  I was pretty well wrung out and happy to have it over.  Of course, now I find out that in order to get said certification (I'm pretty sure I passed the district leader test) I also have to take the Building Leader test - another 8 hours of brain numbing torture!!!!  Talking about a self imposed lobotomy!

So what has been happening since March 6th?

First of all, on Saturday, March 12th after an amazing final tech rehearsal for SHS's production of Bye Bye Birdie, my family and I participated in St. Baldrick's Day at Napper Tandy's in Northport. We even got a write up in Newsday!  And for those who can't seem to operate your clicking finger to go to those links, in the spirit of immediate gratification here is the after photo;

(Notice William's the only one looking directly at this camera!)

There were tons of cameras there so in the above photo we're all looking at different ones!  I have to say I'm incredibly proud of my children for being so brave and doing this.  I'm especially proud of 11-year-old Sarah.  To be the only girl in her entire middle school to do this was exceptionally brave but she took it in stride and I think she may have even gained a few new friends from it.

The following week saw the entire family living much of our time at the high school as it was "Hell Week" for our production of Bye Bye Birdie. 

We had a great write up done on us by The Syosset Patch  (or you can see it here) The only down side of the entire production was that we didn't have the audience draw that we normally do.  I'm pretty sure it was due to the new way that we have instituted for ticket sales.

That brings up to this past week.  Aside from trying to recuperate from a lot of expended brain matter, I also had to catch up on my administrative classes.  We are down to our last two courses!!!!!  Soon I'll have my evenings back and I can actually see my family!

But along with the celebration there was also sadness.  We lost a camper last Saturday who had been valiantly fighting a rare form of cancer for three years.  Although I only got to know her for eight weeks (and only twice a week at that), she made a very permanent impression on me.  Here was a little girl who was obviously very sick and yet she was always smiling and she always loved taking part in the theatre and dance classes.  It wasn't until much later that I found out that dancing was one of her favorite things.  It explains why on the very last day when I had her for dance class she came up to me while I was changing the music and kissed me on the head, hugged me and said "thank you."  I was really looking forward to seeing her again this summer.  Instead I went to her wake on Monday and I was broken up by how strong her parents had to be and how much of an impression this little girl had made on so many people. 

I had found out about her passing the Sunday morning before our final show.  I actually spoke about her without mentioning her name and I told my cast that they had to remember that what they were doing was a blessing and that they had to relish every single moment on stage.  I told them that they wouldn't know if there was a little six year-old girl in the audience whose dream they were living and they needed to perform for those little ones to the best of their ability.  I then called places and I noticed that one of the young ladies in the cast was really broken up (I mean, a lot of tears were shed after that "motivational" speech because it was the last show - especially for some of the seniors).  I asked her if she were okay and she said that her six-year-old cousin has also passed away the morning before.  In one of those moments of synchronicity, we discovered it was the same girl.  We hugged each other for a moment and she was okay to go on and we called places.  The kids managed to give an incredible performance - one that they will remember for a long time.

And speaking of performances.  Something else happened.  Amy auditioned for a role in a local production of Oliver! and she was cast in the role of Nancy.  She then found out that they needed more boys to play orphans and she offered up Sarah (with her shorn hair) and it ended up they could also use the boys.  The only problem is that opening weekend of that show is also the weekend of our Spring production at SHS.  However, it looks like I'll also be taken part as a member of the adult ensemble - so in another week THE ENTIRE CONNOR CLAN WILL BE ONSTAGE TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!!
Get your tickets now because who knows when this will happen again!

We also got the final go ahead to start publicizing the fundraiser organized by my friend and colleague Peter Haughwout.  He coordinates an art cooperative called Studio 85 and in conjunction with another art group they are going to hold an art exhibit with proceeds from the entry fee going to sponsor the Connor's Army cross country ride.  You can get the information here.  An dthey even created this really cool poster for the event;

Now how cool is that?  I want one for my office it's Walt Whitman in a really funky colorway!  Since its an art exhibit at the Walt Whitman Birthplace Museum I thought it was incredibly fitting.  Walt Whitman the rock star!

But Sarah also was a bit of a mini star this past week as she was one of only two sixth graders to get a principal role in her middle school's production of Alice in Wonderland, Jr. She was cast as the littlest of three Chesire Cats and if that doesn't conjur up images of cuteness, then this picture will verify them;

And if that's not enough Chesire Cuteness for you, you can go here and get 25 other vision of how she ROCKED the costume.  Okay, am I a proud stage papa or what?

And then there was yesterday - Friday, March 25th.  A year ago I lost my little brother David.  I wrote about it at the time in a posting and even though a year has past, I still have the same regret - that I never made the effort to know him as well as I should have once we were reunited. 

He was a simple guy, a basic guy but from the little I got to be with him he was a caring guy with a wry sense of humor (as you can see from the twinkle in his eye in the above photo) .  I wish that my kids had gotten the chance to know their uncle David.  I wish I had gotten to know him much better.  Yesterday brought a lot of that back to me.  It may not be my biggest regret, but certainly one of them.
 
We also held the callbacks for our upcoming production of The Laramie Project.  It's an emotional enough show as it is but I had decided that for the callback I wouldn't give the kids cold readings but instead I wanted them to tell me a story from their life (I know, very A Chorus Line right?) that had to do with loss (of anything or anyone), of bullying or a happy memory.  With 40 people it took a while and we all cried and learned a lot about each other.  I started it off by talking about David and my regret about not knowing him better.  The kids then told their stories and it wasn't until the end that I told them that the storytelling was the callback.  I wanted to hear how they told stories since that is what the show is all about, real people telling real stories of loss and of coping.  I learned a lot about my young actors and I think with the ensemble we'll put together there will be the kind of trust that they haven't had before.  I have to send them the cast list tomorrow.  Its going to be an emotional journey but since we are using it to make a stand against bullying and intolerance, one that I think will be worth the tears.

So that in a nutshell are the ups and downs, the trial and tribulations, the hills and valleys, the good and the bad of the last 20 days.  I really wish I could post on a daily basis like The Bike Snob but I just don't have the time -- at least not until my admin classes are finished.  But its all a part of this crazy journey we call life and after all - we've gotta a LOT of livin' to do!

	04 - A Lot of Livin to Do .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

The other thing I MUST be getting back to is my bike.  With the insane weather we've had and my incredibly busy schedule I haven't put in nearly enough miles and my fitness is suffereing.  Right now if I tried to ride with the AA boys I wouldn't make it 20 miles at their pace so I have a lot of work to do.

But most of all, we are edging ever closer to raising the last of the $6,000 that we need.  Every little bit counts and friends, family and former students are helping us reach our goal.  For those of you who keep up with this please help us by keeping your ears open and either approaching companies on our behalf or forwarding the information to us about interested companies.  Come hell or high water (or both!) we're cycling America in 2012 and we're going to raise the money for the kids! 

Your support in reading this blog has been so incredible and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Hey, if we can't be grateful for the friendships in life (even the cyber ones) what's the point?

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

A Matter of Perspective - Existentialist Musings

So today I'm having another one of my periodic Existential moments to which I am prone.  This is not to say that I only have them when I am in a lying down position (Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position? - Here's the answer), but I do tend to have some existential moments when I'm in my moments of solitude.  And, wonder of wonders - many of them happen to be while on the bike.  Of course, with my Thursday commute to New Rochelle (75 miles round trip) I do tend to muse quite a bit from behind the wheel of my car.

However, back to my initial tack (yes, a nod to my nautical in-laws) of my most recent brush with existentialism.  I have never been one to do things the easy way.  When I was in high school back in Ansbach, Germany


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I wanted to be really good at something.  For some reason the thing I fixated upon was wrestling.  I guess I figured that if you were only 4'10" tall in high school that was one thing where being small would be an advantage.  Anyways, this is what I looked like back in the day;

and

I was never amazing like Freddie, Rainer or a few of the others but I was good and I worked my tail off.  Afer the first year, when I was basically a "mat rat" and would get squashed every day, I decided I was going to work harder than anyone else to get better.  I started a routine where I would get up and run 3-5 miles every single day to build up my stamina.  I would run in rain, cold and even snow and back before global warming we would get three foot snows on a fairly consistent basis in Southern Bavaria!  Nevertheless, I kept slogging away and kept working at it because I wanted to be better.  I even started lifting weights almost every day with one of my neighbors in our little basement gym we created in his storage room (all the apartments had their own storage room in the basement - it was a cool little warren of "dens").  I also got into soccer (another sport where short, guys could excel) and was not too bad at it but wrestling was really my passion.

 I never got incredible but I was good and I even would go and work out with one of the German wrestling clubs (which is how my German got sehr gut) and when my dad got stationed at Fort Hood, TX during my senior year (yes, tell me how much it sucked to go to three separate high schools in you senior year) I would wrestle with the Army team that was stationed there.  I became sort of like a mascot to them and although I couldn't compete with them, I got some incredible training.  I even thought about trying out for college teams but many of them didn't want to see me since I wasn't competing on a high school team and wouldnt't go to a regional, much less a state or national meet.  Instead I threw myself wholeheartedly into Forensics and that began the long road to eventually performing musical theatre in Southern Bavaria only 45 miles from where I went to high school in good old Ansbach! 

That of course led me to the career where I met my wife, many good friends and had a great life until I decided that settling down and having a family was much more important than the disappointment I was facing as a performer.  It's taken me many years to finally realize that the frustration I was experiencing at the time I left "the business" was due not to my own failings as a performer but rather to the capricious nature of the wheel of fortune that permeates the theatre business - being "in the right place at the right time".  Sometimes I ruminate on where I would have ended up if I would have just stuck it out another year as I was still receiving phone calls out of the blue to perform or dance captain up to three years after I "retired". 

No, my frustration with "the business" was born out of my belief (and the ethics taught to me by my career military father) that if you did the right thing, worked hard and always tried your hardest people would take notice and you would receive the rewards (job, promotion, accolades, parts, etc.) that you deserved.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way with performing but I didn't know that then and I was never really good at playing politics or networking (sometimes known as "sycophantism", "obsequiousness, "brown nosing", "ass kissing", etc.) and the other non-performing areas of the business.  I was really good at taking class, working hard and trying to be better.  I wish I were more like Sally from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown , then I probably would have weathered it out longer (and yes, even though I'm not a big KC fan, I like the number)



But I was not as thick skinned as you need to be to thrive despite all the rejection of constant auditions and never getting the roles you really want.  I think now I would be much better at it as life has taught me more about patience (okay, I don't always have the most of it, but much better than I was back then) and I have come to realize that it is not just about talent - 15 years of being on the other side of the table has taught me that as well.  When all is said and done I am one of those described by a favorite poet (James Kavanaugh) as "too gentle to live among wolves".   Despite my underlying anger at injustice and inability to follow the rules (I guess I get that from my military upbringing) I am not a violent person and I still believe that if you treat people honestly and fairly and with compassion and empathy you can be happy and people will appreciate you for the good person you are.  And I still believe that if you work hard and work at being a better person you can reach your dreams.

So here is where my existentialist questioning has come in.  And to put us all in the proper philisophical frame of mind, a little Monty Python;



I really am starting to question what is the point of working so hard when its still about who you know and what type of connections you can make.  First of all we've run into road blocks in trying to raise the funds we need for the cross country ride.  At first when the angels at Smiles for Scott came forward and made the $5,000 grant I thought "thank you God, we are on our way and we can make this happen).   Now, afer countless letters, iquiries and please, we still can't get over the $10,000 mark.  So, we had to postpone the ride until next summer. 

And now, in trying to use the entire "networking" idea I've reached out to over 1500 people on facebook.  I've asked people to follow this blog, to "like" the Connor's Army facebook page and to show support for what is really a worthwhile cause.  Instead, I've only succeeded in annoying some people, some people aren't even "liking" the page (some of whom are former students who were very supportive of the original mission") and many (about 400) haven't even replied.  Its very frustrating since I think people might believe I'm doing this for my own self aggrandizement.

To be honest with all of you (I think there are a few more than 50 of you who read this so please do me a favor and sign up to be an official follower) I'm losing hope and as my catechumin training reminds me, I find myself slowly slipping into the sin of despair.  I'm not angry at God but I am starting to wonder if what I do with my life matter to anyone.  I worked over the summer and I saw the difference that our efforts as a staff had on those kids and I really felt moved to do something more - just as I did when I first formed Connor's Army.

Now I feel like I want to somehow make it possible for more kids to be able to experience Sunrise and to help them have the experience that will help change their lives and give them hope and joy.  But the road blocks I'm running into just seem to be getting larger and larger.  How do I get over them?  How can I get people to support what we're doing?  I sometimes read facebook posts where people really write about the most innane things and they get 75 responses and "real" dialogue happens right there on their face book page.  I ask people to simply take 15 seconds to add Connor's Army to their likes and they act like they can't be bothered.

I know there are some of you who read this and I apologize for my ranting.  Amy and my good friend Laurelle both would recognize this as being in one of my "blue funks" that I am periodically prone to.  Or, as the magnet on my refrigerator says, "An Irishman has an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains him through temporary periods of joy."   Well, I wouldn't say that I'm that bad but it is getting difficult. 

	Feel Free - Message in a Bottle - Police .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I would like to ask a favor of you dear readers.  Consider this a message in a bottle if you will.  I don't need an ego stroking, its not why I do what I do, but I would truly appreciate any input you could give me.  I'm really looking for creative ideas on how to overcome these two problems; raising support and raising funds for Connor's Army.  I know I'm a good person and what I'm doing is worthwhile and you dear readers are the choir to whom I am preaching.  My question to EACH of you is "how do WE reach others"?  How do we show others that in supporting and giving to these kdis they bring back postivie energy to themselves?  I really am looking for any ideas you might have.

I am not going to give up, I'm too much of a fighter (okay, read hard headed, sutbborn, obstinate, bullish, etc.) to give up but I am feeling the need for help so I'm asking - will you help me?

Of course, in that great philisophical belief "it could always be worse" I offer to you the experience of this track racer - WARNING! THE FOLLOWING VIDEO IS A LITTLE GRAPHIC AND NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH - but I figure if he can get back on the bike and ride, I will somehow find the means to ride cross country for Sunrise!


UCI World Cup 2011 - Awang's Splinter Update from British Cycling on Vimeo.

And that's why I like riding on the road and not on the track!  Oh, and by the way I'm getting some body art done on Wednesday!  I'll be posting a blog with photos about that later this week!

Stay well and I hope to see you on the road soon!