Maybe If I Wanted to Pedal to Atlantis? (A Day to Evaluate My Life)

Okay, so today I'm reading along and I spot this article about a pedal powered submarine and I get this idea - what if I decide that instead of taking Connor's Army across the United States to raise money for Sunrise Day Camp, I go across the Atlantic and try to find Atlantis with a bicycle powered submarine!

Now granted, the overhead for this fund raising endeavor would be a lot higher, there are boats to charter, air tanks to purchase and fill with the proper mixture of Nitrox which would go into lots of these:

Not to mention all the food, shark repellent, shark cages, fuel for the boat, permits, sunscreen, etc.  Now granted, I probably would be able to get a lot more funding and interest in the project because of the simple fact that I'm trying to reach Atlantis!  Don't you think people would come out of the woodwork to sponsor this trip?  I probably would raise much more than the $50,000 for Sunrise that is my goal.  Granted, I may never really find Atlantis, but it would be one heck of an experience.

Oh well, if that fails I could try to create the first pedal powered helicopter - I mean it DOES carry a prize of $250,000!!!!!  After I pay all the construction bills, my colleagues who'll actually have to come up with the design I may end up with the $10,000 that I need for the cross - country Connor's Army ride so I can then spend the summer riding for Sunrise!  Now that sounds like the best option doesn't it, I help advance mankind from the mundanity of earthbound pedal powered transportation and fund my real passion - riding my bike to help the cancer community!

You know I really wish I could figure this out.  Today is Evaluate Your Life Day and I've tried to spend some time doing that today.  Of course, I wish I could have ridden my bike to do it (I always seem to do my best thinking on my bike) but the weather and familial schedule didn't allow for it.

Nevertheless, I did spend some time deep in contemplation of this day in a sort of Nietzschean mode, at times finding my reflection in the mirror and I looked a little like this fellow, only in color and without the mustache;

Now, I don't pretend that my thought processes of the day came anywhere close to the prolific output of this first of all the modern thinkers who thought that "art is the great stimulus to life" as can be found on his fan site.  I mean if anyone took full advantage of Evaluate Your Life Day it was definitely this man.  Of course, there were those who came along later who totally twisted his ideas and made a travesty of everything he truly believed but that's material for another blog, n'est pas?

So I've been looking at my life and wondering if I'm really doing much with it.  Yes, I can hear my wife's comments right now.  I do know that I make a difference in the lives of my students.  Every year after the last performance of the Shakespeare production we have this little ritual that has grown over the years.  The ritual used to be just giving gifts to the advisors that have helped the students with the production.  Then it morphed into the juniors all picking seniors and giving them goodbye gifts and saying a little something about them in front of the entire club.  A few years ago the seniors started a new ritual in which they gather around me in a semi-circle on the stage and they tell everyone how I changed or influenced their lives.  I do have to say that I am always a little uncomfortable about this because I don't do what I do for praise - I just want to give the kids the best high school drama experience that I can.

Anyway, they gather around to tell me how I have effected their lives and it is a truly emotional and humbling experience.  As a teacher I do what I do and I try to contstantly be the best teacher I can be.  However, sometimes its the smallest things that these amazing kids remember and they always make me seem so incredible grateful for what I do.  I can never believe that I am as good a person as they say I am so my wife has taken to video taping these events and showing them to me later.  Even now when I go back and look at them I still can't believe they're talking about me.

But still, I don't feel like I've done enough with my life.  I wish there was something more I could do.  Yes, I volunteer at Sunrise and I've raised money for the American Cancer Society but I wish there was something more substantial I were doing - not win the Nobel Peace Prize:



(How cool would it be to have one of these?)

I guess that is why this trip across the country has become such a dream of mind as well as my potential Mitzvah Project.  I feel called to do something real and tangible that I can look on and say "I did that".  Yes, I know I've helped lots of people find their passion and I can see their faces in my mind - but that is something that all teachers do, its part of the reward (for it certainly isn't monetary) of being a teacher - its why we go into it.

Nor do I want it for the accolades, I don't need someone to tell me "oh, its amazing that you rode across the country to raise money for those kids."   No, this is something I need to do for my own soul - to say I did this - I made a difference and I did something that really mattered.  I left performing because I was frustrated and I was a bit jaded by the experience of being consistently one of the best in the room but for whatever reason just not making it to the next level.  My years on the otherside of the table have taught me that it may not have had ever had anything to do with me or my talent but on a myriad of other issues - ah, hindsight is 20/20.

So I left performing, something I did do enjoy doing and I decided to become a teacher instead.  I also decided that at the level I was as a performer I didn't want to be on the road constantly while trying to have a family and be a good husband to my new wife - so I stopped.

Now, years later I have three amazing children and I know within my heart that if I didn't have this job they wouldn't be here (yay health insurance).  And yet, I still sometimes wonder if it was all worth it, will I make a difference that matters to people.  Will I be able to help the global community in any way, will my "sacrifice" mean anything?

	Creed - My Sacrifice .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I still don't know.  At this point I've even lost hope of getting sponsorships for the ride so it looks like my dream may have to be deferred, perhaps a year.  I just hope it doesn't shrivel away and die completely but I'm just at a loss how to make it happen. 

Be that as it may, life still spins madly on (thank you again Heather Burian) and I still have former students that write me and remind me that I did something good in my life (thank you Emily, Jason, Phil, Brittney, Melanie, etc., etc., etc.) and that what I do for a living at least makes a difference in the small cosmos that is Syosset High School. 

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!