So I have this song on my iPod that was introduced to me by a former extremely talented student named Heather Burian. She choreographed an end of the year project that included this song as part of the mix and she made a cd for me that included the entire version. The name of the song is "The World Spins Madly On" and its by a group called the Weepies;
Today I listened to it as I rode my bike to school. Its the first day of school and as has become my custom in the last few years, I ride the first day. Today it was raining but I just bundled up in my plastic shell (its sort of like magic shell, just not as chocolatey) and headed out the door.
The ride was great (although squishy) and I arrived at school in time to dry myself off before I went into the Little Theater - the traditional early morning meeting place for members of the Association of Creative Thespians - our school drama club.
And I was immediately slapped in the face as surely and as palpably as if someone had done it like this;
What caused this incredible slap to the face? The realization that the incredible young people I have watched grow, mature, blossom and soar with their incredible talent have gone off to bigger and better things (college). As a teacher of now 15 years, I have never gotten used to this first day of seeing familiar faces, but not ALL the familiar faces. Even the absence of the summer never really takes the edge off and this day always leaves me with a gaping hole in my heart.
And I see in my classes and in the hallways the new crop of actors that will come up in the next few years - the newest Phil Rosenberg, Emily Feinstein, Ally Grossman, Alex Mogil, Ally Giorgio, Jaimee Diamond, Erin Edelstein (or Edelle as she calls herself), Catherine Woodard, Louis Hatzipetrakos (see I can still spell it!), Dan Incalcaterra, Andrew Rubino, Megah Nabe, Jordan Ross, Katherine O'Connor, Jared Morgenstern, Caryn Lewi, Lyndsey Staib, Stephanie Israelson, Jillian Feinstein, Martina Bonolis, Robin Sutker, Alex Green, and so many others (please don't be offeneded if I didn't list your name here - after 15 years there have been so many of you!).
But these newest editions (call them ACT 15.0 if you will) can never replace those that have gone before. And then there are those former ACTers who can never be repeated because of their singular place in my heart: the entire graduating class of 1998 (my first ACT grads ever); the graduating class of 2000 (who made a huge banner for me congratulating me on my tenure!); the entire ACT group from 2001-2002 (those of us who pulled together and tried to make sense of 9/11); the graduating class of 2004 as we put together an awesome season of The Man Who Came to Dinner, West Side Story, and Romeo and Juliet; The Casts of the Laramie Project (both versions); the ACTers of 2007-2008 who were so supportive and helpful to me when I reached my goal of 2000 miles for Connor's Army. And I could literally go on and on!
All of these kids who have gone through these halls, performed in the LT, had classes with me and performed on our main stage are indelibly printed in my memory - they are a part of who I am now as a teacher, a director, a person and most importantly a father. I have been blessed over the years to have the best job ever - teaching young people who are so passionate (sometimes too much so) about what they do and who invest themselves (sometimes too much so) in what they do. They put their trust in me that I won't make them look foolish and that I have their best interests at heart. I really do try to do that on a daily basis with them. Often times I am successful but there are those times I am not and those failures on my part also weigh on my heart and soul on days like today. Will this be the year I get it right? Will this be the year that I truly use their talents to the best of their ability? Will this be the year I grow yet again as a teacher, director, father, person? Can I manage to not destroy someone's confidence in their own unique talents and abilities? The questions that weigh on my mind as I face my new charges are a swirling morass of uncertainty.
You have all taught me so much about being a person and following my own passions. Connor's Army came about because you taught me to follow my heart. You have taught me to try to listen to my own children better and be more patient with them and their zaniness. I don't always succeed but becuase you have all loved them so much and have given them such examples of what I hope they can grow up to be, I am reminded daily to be patient with them and help nurture their passions - whatever those passions may be. I may get stretched to the limit becuase of my obligations to ACT but working with you also reminds me every year why I have a family and why I love my wife and children so.
And I do know this - becuase of all of my ACTers who have come into my life I am better than I was, despite my numerous failings (and they are so many). I know that I will have more failings in my life but I do believe in my heart that I am trying to do my best with all of my children and with my ACT kids and that I will always strive to be better. When it comes to the time that I detest my job and I see all of these young, passionate people as mere pains in my ass it will become time to hang up my dance shoes, fold up my director's chair and make use of the School District Administration degree I now have waiting to be framed at home. Once I lose the passion to help these kids be their best, its time to stop.
But for now I still love what I do - I still have the best job at Syosset High School and as I rode Black Pearl home in the drizzle I even relished the feel of the wet rain in my shorts because it reminded me that I am alive, I have a great family at school and I'm headed home to the best family I could ever hope to have - a loving wife, creative and passionate and beautiful children, and a warm, comfortable house. Thank you ACT for making this life possible.
And so I ride my bike on the first day of school and I return home. Some of the faces have changed, and the world spins madly on.
Stay well and I'll see you on the road.
P.S. - If you are a former ACTer and you've made it this far - subscribe to my blog - I do talk about you all quite a bit!
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