Down With SUVs (With Apologies to the Subset That Aren't Self Absorbed)!

Okay, my apologies to any of my friends and fans (okay, all 52 of you) who might be frustrated by the lack of posting.  Forgive me readers for I have sinned and its been three weeks since my last posting.  I will now do penance by going off on a long cycling related diatribe that has to do with an incident that happened to me today. 

WARNING - SOME OF THE LANGUAGE AND IDEAS IN THE FOLLOWING WHILE NOT PROFANE MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU WHO DRIVE AN SUV) - SORRY!

So today I ws finally able to get back on my bike after a two week absence.  The family and I went away to Cooperstown and had a relaxing, rejuvenating and refreshing time!  We had the chance to see the Baseball Hall of Fame (Sarah,did so under duress!), The Farmers's Museum (we saw the New York State Carousel and William suffered his first bee sting - ouch!), we played miniature golf (twice - a moral imperative!), visited Howe Caverns  (it was SOOO cool and we got some really amazing pictures of geological formations!), we went on a haunted house/sites tour ( (not so scary but very interesting!!!).  Overall it was a great time had by all and we got back in time to still have a bit of  "vacation" before the start up of school.

So I've been out riding again this week to begin seriously training for the cross country ride.  I've been getting into the habit of leaving the house at 6:30 ish since that's realistically the time I'll be leaving when on the road next summer.

Today, however, I left a bit later than usual - about 8:00.  I had just started out and I was about 3/4 of a mile from my house, just ready to start a 30 mile psuedo- time trial.  I wasn't riding agressively, I was just doing an easy spinning cadence and I was just passing the Administrative buildings of the Northport School district on Laurel Avenue, otherwise known as The Brosnan Building and closing in on the raised crossing by the library when a woman in a large maroon SUV started beeping her horn agressively at me.

Now, I will admit that I was not hugging the shoulder at this point simply becuase there was no shoulder as you can see from the Google Maps Street View here:


View Larger Map

I was actually about two feet from the curb, taking up about a quarter of the lane.  Now, despite the fact that there was an intersection coming up in about 30 yards (if you play with the above link and follow the road up you'll see), she decided to race past me missing me by about a foot!

Now you have read posts about my Irish temper and about how I've been working on trying to calm that down.  This, however, pissed me off so I decided to sprint after her and see if I could catch her at the light about 100 yards or so up the road.  As chance would have it, I did catch her.

Trying to be as calm as I possibly could, I pulled up to the side of her behometh.  As I pulled up I noticed that she had flicked out a cigarette from her window and I thought "Oooo, would that ever tick off Sarah!"  I regained my compusre enough to ask in my most polite Sourthern manner, Excuse me ma'am.  I noticed you were honking at me back there.   Was there a problem?"  To which she replied, "Yeah, you were startting to take up the lane back there."  To which I replied (still maintaining the politness I learned from reading Bicycling Magazine), "Yes, but there was no shoulder and according to New York Stated DMV Law, I can take up the lane if I need to."  And here is where I got really pissed  off as she retorted, "Just try that next time and see what happens!"

And here is where the Southern Gentleman mentality failed me completely!  While outwardly all I said was, "Yes, and I will make sure that I have a lawyer on you so fast you won't know what happened!"  Inside I was having serious fantasies about something like this;

or perhaps this;

She then proceeded to peel out and show the ultimately in couth, refinement and tack - she flipped me off!  Now I could expect that from a 20-something or even a soccer mom in her 30',s but this was a "mature" woman in her late 50's or early 60"s!  Giving up on the idea of chasing her down again, I started to have even more lavish thoughts in my head as I settled in to finish my training ride.  Thoughts like this;

Of course, that one would entail her actually using her SUV for what it was intended - CLIMBING THINGS - instedad iof just carrying her big butt around so she can throw cigarette butts out the window!

I also thought of this fantastical possibility - if I only knew how to get a hold of a crane and a tank!!!!;

Instead I just settled into a pedaling groove and the words to this song that I had recently heard kept playing in my head;



Its by a guy named Bill Burnett who also brought us "The Happiest Song in the World" so you know he's not some hate-mongering misanthrope who likes to just rag on people indescrimately;



Of course even if I was alternating between the "Big, Fat Stupid Suv" song and "The Happiest Song in the World", I knew that my mental revenge was in a sense futile because there are way too many of these kind of people out there;

 WARNING!  THE FOLLOW CONTAINS EXTREMELY  MATURE LANGUAGE!
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It just leaves you feeling like George Castanza in that episode of Seinfeld;




The frustration leads from that fact that as a cyclist people just assume that you're trying to be Lance Armstrong and that you're doing it because you think you're better than them.  But there are a lot of us who ride because we enjoy it, and some of us are even riding becuase we're trying to make a difference in this world - helping the lives of others.  But if you just follow this link you'll go to a nice YouTube compendium of "I hate cyclists" videos.

And therein lies part of the problem all of us cyclists face - too many of these idiots (male and female) believe we should be on the sidewalks or on the RUNNING  paths.  This guy even knows the argument that cyclists are subject to th esame laws as motor vehicles and that we are supposed to be on the road but like the other idiots out there, he would much rather just run us over and "teach us a lesson"!  As many of you know, I've been hit three times (once fairly badly) and doored once  - which ended up with me riding in an ambulance and receiving fifteen stitches.  And yet I still get on my bike, despite the lunatics who want to run us off the road.

But why rag on the SUV?  Because in my own non-scientic observation its usually the SUVs that are the most agressive towards me.  They're the ones that buzz me closer, honk more and (once) throw things out the window at me.  And the thing is, most of them seem to be nothing more than glorified mini-vans that have never been used for what they were designed as this scene entitled "SUV Boot Camp" clearly illustrates;



And that fact that so many of these people on facebook who are hating against cyclists seem to also be SUV drivers just seems to add to that.  I mean, its bad enough when you get hit by a regular car but against a two ton SUV, what chance do we have.   There is a very funny video on YouTube that shows Adolph Hitler ranting against the facebook hate groups that are directed against cyclists.  Now don't get me wrong - I AM NOT GLORIFYING ADOLPH HITLER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM - but the very IRONY of having the most vitriolic hater of all time going into a spittle inducing tirade against those that hate cyclists is pretty damn funny.  I couldn't embed it here because the embed code has been disabled but you can follow this link and it should take you right to it!

But, as usual, I have to admit that my wife is right.   When I finally finished my 30 mile adrenaline/anger fueled ride at an average speed of 18.5 mph I came home and told her about my confrontation and she immediately launched into "You can't talk to people like that!"   And I guess she's right.  Think about it, I'm in the middle of nowhere during next summer's cross country ride and some idiot in a large vehicle cuts me off.  I finally catch up to them to calmly ask them what I did wrong and they hit me with the damn thing - or worse!

And that's the reason why its important to have a support vehicle during the cross country ride!  So my faithful reader, if you've made it this far please do me a very big favor.  If you haven't already done so, please go to our facebook page and add us to your likes.  We are really trying to get to 1,000 as soon as we can!

The other thing you can do to help us is to go to the web page for our Cross Country ride and donate.  It doesn't matter how small, anything you can spare would help us in our goal to make an amazing summer possible for some kids who really need some sunshine in their life!

And lastly, if you haven't already done so, please sign up to be a regular follower of this blog.  I will be updating it a lot more frequently now and I will be using this to post pictures, videos and shout outs to all of you when I'm on the road next summer!

So, thank you for reading, thank you for being part of my life, and thank you for making a difference!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!