National Bike Month - Now With Root Cyclone™ Technology!

So on their offical website this is what Dyson has to say to explain why a Dyson vacuum cleaner is different than all of the others;

Instead of relying on bags and filters to trap the dust, a Dyson vacuum uses patented cyclone technology to spin the dirt out of the air. That's one of the reasons why it doesn't lose suction, picks up more dirt from your home and expels cleaner air.

In other words, becuase of their patented technology, a Dyson (of which the Connor Clan are proud owners) picks up more dirt, ergo it sucks MORE!

Maybe its all about the pneumatic actuator.

So in the spirit of the self-metacognative , (or self actuator) in examining myself and "knowing about myself" I have come to the following conclusion;

(In patented old-school neon technology)

Now, I may not yet have the patented Root Cyclone™ Technology but if I continue on my current downward spiral (not to be confused with downward facing dog, a yoga pose that is very painful to many);

(It's not easy being flexible)

I may find myself in the realm of said technology sucking ever so much more than I do right now.


What, I say what, may you ask has prompted this stream of self-deprecation?  Well, as I wrote last week, this month is officially "Ride Your Bike to Work Month";


(See, I'm not making this up!)

and although I started out somewhat auspiciously (in the pouring rain), I've only been able to commute eight out of the 14 work days since the month started.  I haven't even been able to put in weekend "pleasure" rides!  I feel myself deteriorating and my muscles are atrophying to the point that I will look like this guy in no time at all;

(I think he later went on to a lucrative career as a Grateful Dead model)

Well, maybe with a bike helmet on instead of the top hat - they tend to fly off during fast descents.

In a nutshell, I SUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!  As of this writing (literary terminology for right this very second) I have 37 days before the Grand Depart which is the fancy French term for "the big leaving" - not to be confused with The Big Lebowski;



becasue as everyone who has read this blog knows, our big leaving is from San Diego whereas the big Lebowski is from Malibu.  Close but not quite.

But the month is yet young and as I said in my last post, it is the LUSTY month of May which means there is so much to experience yet in this wonderful month - my favorite month of the year.  Why you may ask? 

Well, you see there is this anniversary that happens every May 20th that I like to celebrate - the day when the most wonderful woman in the world decided to take a chance on me and become my wife.  Over the last eighteen years I am constantly amazed that she still loves me and without her not only would my life be incomplete, it would be nowhere near as full of amazing memories as it has been.  Left to my own devices I would probably become a hermit of some sort - she draws me out and brings out the best in me always.

And the other big thing that happens this month (aside from our annual Shakespeare production which I always look forward to) is my birthday!  I'm creeping up on that half-centruy mark and I have begun to appreciate these days in a way that I never did when I was younger.  As a matter of fact I look forward to the  morbid obsession of others about their age.  It was after a conversation about getting older that I came across this littel ditty by the group Voltaire;



Apparently its populated by 100 "Gothic Lolitas" which I think is just another version of Steampunk.  But I could be wrong.

But, there is only one cure that will keep me from sucking and from feeling as old as the poor guy in the chair and that is getting out and riding and TRAINING for the big cross country.  And don't forget, if you want to take pity on this almost quinquagenarian and help me in my Quixotic quest to help the children of Sunrise, all you have to do is go here and make a small donation.  Do it honor of my anniversary, do it in honor of my birthday, or just do it because you don't think I suck!

So to celebrate the merry month of may I'm going for a ride!  I hope to see you on the road - even if its not on your way to work!