Why I Still Wear Yellow

About four weeks ago my Livestrong bracelet broke.  "No problem," I thought to myself, "I'll just go and get another one out of my drawer."  You see, every since my sister Angela was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 I've worn one of these bracelets to support her in her fight against cancer.  When my mother and two other sisters also contracted other cancers within the next two years I vowed I would never stop wearing one until this horrible disease was beaten. 

That was the year Connor's Army was born and I vowed that I would do something to help not only my family but others in their own fights against cancer to show my gratitude for my own family's successful struggles with the disease.  I would always manage to buy a few at a time thinking if one broke I could then instantly replace it.   The disease has not yet been eradicated (like it's predecessor polio) so I'm still wearing my bracelet.  As a matter of fact, when we decided to begin our very first Connor's Army fundraiser I chose yellow as the color of our jerseys because it would match the bracelet!

I know, sounds stupid right?  I mean, I have always liked yellow, even though it's not the artsiest of colors and can make you look jaundiced if you don't have just the right skin tone.  Nevertheless, I have always liked it even though as a theatre person my wardrobe tends to runs to various shades of black.   To me yellos is a happy color, a color of rebirth and sunlight, a color of hope. If you go to Color Wheel Pro and look up their interpretations of color, they state that yellow is;

Yellow is the color of sunshine. It's associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy. Yellow produces a warming effect, arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental activity, and generates muscle energy.

"What," you may be asking yourself, "is your point and what has precipitated this color rant/meandering mental migration?"  Well, you see it all started about two weeks ago when I realized that the replacement bracelet I had put on to replace the Livestrong bracelet that had broken two weeks previously was not an adult-sized bracelt.  It was a child's, one that I had bought for the kids to wear if they decided they wanted to wear one like daddy.  Unfortunately, my children tend to run on the small size (genetics, go figure) so the youth bracelets don't fit them.  Soooo, I put them in the drawer with the other bracelets for safe keeping thinking they would be there if the kids ever wanted them.   Of course, completely forgetting that fact, when I broke my latest one I just reached in and put it on.  I figured that since I was a "slightly" built individual it would be fine.   Well, after two weeks of struggling with it tangling up in everything and cutting off my circulation I decided I needed an adult, the youth was cutting it (hmmm, is that philosophical or what - but more on that in another post).

Now I tend to go through one of these bracelets every eight to twelve months due to the fact that I never take them off - I sweat in them, stretch them over my jerseys when I ride,  When I first made my decision to wear one always I bought eight of them from a local bike shop - five adult and three youth.  So naturally, when I realized I was completely out of adult Livestrong bracelets I went to the LBS (local bike shop) where I originally purchased them only to be told, "Sorry dude, we don't carry those anymore."  Undeterred, I went to another bike shop and got the same response.  So I went to a third, another negative response.  It wasn't until I went to the fourth bike shop and was told not only did they plan on not stocking them but I was asked, "Why would you want to wear that piece of crap anyway?  Armstrong's just a big cheater who got caught!"

Well, instead of getting into a big philosophical argument with this idiot (becasue even idiots are entitled to their wrong beliefs), I thanked him and left.  What spurred me to lots of introspective brain meanderings was the fact that this counter jockey's point of view is not a solitary one.  There are many editorials out there decrying Lance Armstrong's cheating ways and how it denigrates every cancer survivor by even coming near one, much less wearing one.  There are thousands of blog entries out there that speak of the evil intent behind Nike's continuing to sell the bands and support the Livestrong Foundation, as if it is some corporate conspiracy to use the proceeds from the continued sale of these bracelets to somehow buy respectability.  Indeed, an article on the Wristbands.com website gives a few ideas of how they can be altered to "more honestly" represent the idea behind the bands.

To hell with all of you!  Sorry, my blog, I can say what I want.  I don't wear the wristband because I support Nike or because I am convinced of Lance Armstrong's innocence.  It is beyond refute that he did use banned substance to win at cycling;



Now people are still arguing about whether or not this was a true confession.   In my own faith confession (or reconciliation) is one of the holy sacraments (baptism, communion, reconciliation, confirmation, marriage, holy orders, annointing of the sick).  In an article on AmericanCatholic.org it makes very clear that three things are required of a penitent in order to receive the sacrament of reconciliation (or confession) worthily:

1. He must be contrite—or, in other words, sorry for his sins.
2. He must confess those sins fully, in kind and in number.
3. He must be willing to do penance and make amends for his sins.

There are those who will say that he didn't fulfill the first part and no one is very sure if he is going to do the third.

I'm not going to defend what he did as an athlete.  Did I think he was incredibly awesome on the bike?  Yes.  Did I somehow secretly get motivated by watching videos of him race?  Yes.  Were there moments in my deluded state where I secretly thought, "Hey, he came back from cancer and raced, maybe I could start racing too!"  Yes.  Did I like to cheer for a fellow Texan?  HELL Yes!  Did I refuse to believe he could have used drugs to cheat after all the drugs that were pumped through him during chemo?  You better believe it.  Was I incredibly dissappointed and let down when I watched the above interview and heard him finally "come clean"?  Absolutely.

But I don't wear the yellow bracelet for him.  Say what you want about his cheating, doing anything to win mentality.  But he has done an incredible amount of good for the cancer community.  So many have been helped becuase of the foundation he began and his advocacy.  As a cancer suvivor he brought the spotlight on this disease and got corporate America to begin to invest in eradicating this disease.  So for that alone I am grateful to Lance Armstrong for what he has done to help the fight against cancer.  The Livestrong Foundation is still advocating for those battling this disease and Lance Armstrong is no longer involved in the operation of the organization. 

No, I wear the bracelet for my sisters, my mother, the children of Sunrise, my friends and all those I met along the Ride Across America who have battled or are battling this disease. I wear the band in support for them. I ride in yellow in support for the people who don't even know they have the disease and will soon be fighting their own battle. Current estimates are that 35,000 a day will be diagnosed with cancer. I wear yellow to lend them my strength in their fight. 

And I look forward to a day when I don't have to buy another yellow bracelet.  Ever.

Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road.

A Lead Sail is Not Always a Bad Thing

So for the last few days I had been very nervous.  You see, I had made a cycling "date" with a riding friend of mine, Michael Foresto, to go for a ride.  Of course, this was not without a small amount of "negotiation" with the family.  Weekends are family time and there is often a lot of things for us to do together.  However, my wife realized that it was a good thing for me to get out and try to ride with others, at least once in a while.

So Michael and I had been going back and forth for about a week trying to figure out when and where we would ride and we finally settled on yesterday and we still weren't sure exactly where we would go but we agreed we would try to tackle a bunch of moderate climbs. 

Now there were a couple of reasons that I was very nervous about this, not the least of which was the fact that I think I'm not in the best of shape right now.  The first is that Michael is an amazing athlete.  All you have to do is look at a listing of his accomplishments to know that he is a pretty damn intimidating cyclist.  Back when I rode somewhat semi-regularly with the AA group of the Huntington Bicycle Club he was always one of the ones that would be off the front leaving us all panting in his wake.  Okay, maybe not ALL of us, but almost always I would be huffing and puffing.

The second reason I was nervous about the ride was because he had invited a friend of his, Glen Corso who just happens to be a world class ice speed skater (although I didn't find out about this until a little bit into the ride).  As it was, Mike and I had been facebooking back and forth and bemoaning our lack of fitness.  Since we were planning to do some hills I thoroughly envisioned myself looking like this;

(Can you see them?  I think they're over the next hill! *puff, puff*)

So I did everything I could to prepare for the ride.  I laid out everything the night before (shoes, shorts, jersey, pump, etc.), I cleaned and lubed my bike, I hydrated like crazy, and I got a good night's sleep.  We were meeting at the Dunkin' Donuts in Greenlawn (which it turns out is only a really good baseball throw from Michael's house) so I left a bit early so I could get a hit of caffeine to give me energy on the ride.

Michael and Glen got there and we rolled out and I immediately knew I would be hurting - these guys are serious riders!  We even ran into a couple of other riders who had been following us and then as they passed us up the hill Glen took off saying, "I can't just let them pull away from us like this" or something to that effect.  I thought, "Crap, I'm going to be dropped next".  It was then that I realized Michael was suffering too.  He was showing pretty classic signs of dehydration even though he had been drinking a lot of fluids.  Now you have to understand, Mike has been through a hell of a lot physically.  He was a extremely serious body builder (and you can find the pictures online to prove it) when he was in a serious accident in 1993.  He lost his left arm above the elbow but he still managed to compete in body building competitions and even race his bicycle on the track.  He is also diabetic and has some other complications that have started to hit him lately.  Yet I am in awe of him as a cyclist and with what he has been able to accomplish both as an athlete and as an exercise physiologist.  However, he was hurting and he kept apologizing by saying, "sorry to be your lead sail and your paper anchor."

Now I was not really doing much better and I was happy with the fact that we were hitting some hills but not sprinting up them the way the Open guys of HBC would be doing..  I'm still trying to get my fitness base back (yes, I know its VERY late in the season) so I was happy to just spin up the hills.  But he kept apologizing and although I am a font of useless knowledge, I never did get the reference.  Well, now that I have done some research I find it is the title of a song by a band named ATREYU and here it is;

	ATREYU - Lead Sails Paper Anchor - Track 1 .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

It may not be to the tastes of some of you since it is what is considered "metalcore" but I like it and I think I'll put it (and a few more of their tracks) on my iPod in my cycling playlist.   It certainly makes me pedal faster.

Afterwards we found ourselves back at Mike's house and we had some coffee and chatted a bit.  The more I learn about him (and Glen for that matter) the more I was humbled that I was riding with these guys.  They truly are inspirational.  Mike in particular has come through so much and still finds a way to keep pushing forward and finding better ways to do things.  We should all have his spirit and his fight.  And as for Glen, now knowing his palmares in the ice speed skating world, I'm glad I didn't challenge him to a sprint!

What does all this have to do with Connor's Army, the mission and how we can help Sunrise?  Well, basically, we can't stop fighting, we cant' stop pushing and we can't stop searching for the answer to the question, "how can I/We beat this?"  For it can be done.  It may not happen overnight and it may not happen in the time that we want it to but we can get it done if we keep pushing ahead.  We won't always feel on top of our game and we may even feel like we are holding others back, but you never know who you're going to inspire and who is going to want to push a little bit harder because they see what we are doing. 

We (and by that I mean I) can only hope that such will be the case as we go cross country next year.  There will be days when I will feel like I'm just on a treadmill and that I'm not getting anywhere but if I just tuck my head down and keep climbing/pushing/pedaling through it I can get through.  Its my hope that my example will not only raise some much needed funds for these kids but also raise some awareness to the battle these kids face every day and yet they go on and they fight through and they embrace life - so should we all!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!