How Do I Spell Gratitude?

(Sprinting his way in the opposite direction of the deep fryer)

In NYC today (only a short bicycle jaunt from my hometown of Northport) they are holding the 13th Annual Cranksgiving Ride.  It's an event that I've always wanted to do but we have our annual holiday gathering at Mark and Laura's in Verona, NJ and its an amazing time for us all to be together and appreciate our amazing family.  So we're currently watching the parade on television and then we'll head out in the car for the great trek to the kingdom of New Jersey.  Yes, we do have to deal with the New Jersey traffic but at least this time I'm not doing it on a bicycle!

One of our traditions (which we in the Connor household have been doing on a daily basis for years) is to go around the tables and say one thing that we are grateful for in the last year.  To be honest, there are so many things I am grateful for this year that I can't limit it to just one so I decided to create this little acronym instead;

T - Three thousand, seven-hundred and thirteen miles without major mechanical issues and with only one minor accident.  The only mechanical was really just a flat tire (on one of the most grueling days of the ride) and the only accident was when Sarah ran into me on the way to Floyd, VA.  But there could have been so many instances where things could have gone horribly wrong but they didn't.  And for that I am grateful.
H - Healthy children.  Spending 44 days in the saddle this summer riding for children who are battling cancer made me so much more appreciative of the fact that my children are completely healthy and (I hope) happy.  Even when they annoy me, I am grateful for the fact that I do have them here TO annoy the @#$#@ out of me sometimes!  I am truly grateful that they are in my life.
A - All the people who supported us, sponsored us, followed us, and read this blog.  I truly could not have made it through all of those long difficult days without you.  Knowing you all believed in me and that you were pushing for me was sometimes the only thing that kept me from tossing my bike on the side of the road and calling it a day.
N - New experiences and memories that I have had over the last year with my family.  As difficult as it was to coexist in a small confined space (i.e., minivan, hotel rooms, Kozy Kabins, etc.) I really felt as if I grew closer to my family instead of away.  With them I traveled to places I have wanted to visit since I was a kid (The Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, Colorado) and now I have these incredible memories of seeing my children and my wife discover the beauty that is this country.
K - Kozy Kabins, Kansans, Krispy Kreme Donuts and all other things that started with "K" that we got to experience this summer.  And yes, I know that I'm dwelling a lot over what happened this summer but it truly was a life changing experience not only for myself but for my children as well.  I think they really got the chance to see what this amazing country is all about and all the diversity that it holds.
S - Sunrises with Sarah, Sunsets with the family.  I think one of the things that I will remember the most about this summer was being with Sarah as she watched her very first sunrise.  We were on our bicycles heading to Pittsburgh, KS at something like 5:45 in the morning and I had the unbridled joy of watching her watch the sunrise from behind.  Her comments and little squeals of joy (in between the occasional puffing and heavy breathing) as she witnessed her first ever sunrise were magical.  And since this followed only about a week or so after the entire family had experienced the sunset over the Western rim of the Grand Canyon, we were in solar display heaven!  Memories like this are ones that I will take with me to my dying day and I hope they are ones the kids will remember forever.
G - Gas in the tank.  One of the hardest things about this summer's journey was the concern about gas prices.  We were very lucky in that we never hit the out-of-control gas prices that were originally forcast for the summer so we always had gas in the tank.  Well, except for that one brief period of time when Amy thought she would run out on the way to Charlottesville.  But more importantly, gas and oil prices have stayed low on Long Island which has been a big help as we are all struggling in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.  We recently started a gas rationing program here on the Island and it has helped alleviate the lines and the craziness.  People are actually beginning to be civil again to one another.  So this grateful is for gas!
I - In the moment.  One of the things that I was able to do this summer is live in the moment - something I've been striving to do for a very long time.  It was so much easier to do it when I was young but as I've grown oldere and have accumulated more responsibilites and cares (sort of like my mental and emotional saddlebags) I've forgotten to just live for the now and enjoy every moment.  This summer my children reminded me to do that.  As I experienced America through their eyes I saw how important it is for me to get back to the idea of just allowing myself to experience the here and now thoroughly.  I hope I can continue this important lesson.
V - Veni, Vidi, Vici  This summer I learned a lot about myself and I learned I CAN survive any challenge that I undertake.  It may not always have the ending that I dream about (*cough, cough* $50,000 raised for Sunrise) but I can do it.  This summer I came to some very desolate and inhospitable places in our country's landscape and I saw the challenges I had to face and yet I conquered them.  I am extremely grateful for the lessons this jounrey taught me.  Not only about myself but about my amazing wife and my incredible children.  I have always appreciated them and how blessed I am to have them in my life but because of what they helped me do and how they gave of themselves to help me reach this goal I appreciate them so much more.  I know that seems impossible but its true.  My greatest wish is to try to keep reminding myself every day of how they support me and love me, even when we make each other nuts.
I - Ice Cream!!!!!!! I know this seems like a silly thing to be grateful for but ice cream has tied our family together over the past year.  From making huge sundaes to celebrate the New Year (or the Connormonster we made when the power went out) to Amy's end of summer birthday party bash, ice cream bonds our family together.  Whether we're making our own or venturing down into Northport to see if they have any new flavors, we always enjoy it together.  And this summer the adventures we shared while looking for the perfect ice cream experience were numerous but to me, any time I could share the ice cream with my incredible family was the perfect ice cream experience.
N - New people who have come into our life and those with whom we've manage to reconnect with this year.  Our friends, old and new, have helped us weather some difficult times this year both emotionally and physically.  I am so incredibly grateful for all of these people who are in our lives and who have helped us maintain our sanity and our optimisim about the good of people in the world.
G - Gas in the tank.  One of the nicest things that has been said about me as a rider happened shortly after I came back from the summer.  I was riding with the AA crew of the Huntington Bicycle Club and I was having a good ride.  I was in shape I was pulling at times but I wasn't the fastest guy out there.  That's when my friend Michael Foresto said one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said about me, "He doesn't have a big engine but he's got a lot of gas in the tank!"  And that pretty much epitomizes my whole life.  I'm not flashy, I'm not the fastest, and I'm not necessarily the best.  But I can AND WILL keep going.  I found that to be true this summer and I think its been true my entire life.  I will keep going no matter what and I can keep going.  There are far too many people that I can help to give up now.

So the journey is done but the battle is not won.  I don't know yet what Connor's Army will do in the future but I know that it will be somehow related to helping the cancer community in any way that I can.  For to me, the best way to show my gratitude for the bounty that has been bestowed on me is to give back - in whatever way I can.

Stay well my friends, and I'll see you on the road!

A Lead Sail is Not Always a Bad Thing

So for the last few days I had been very nervous.  You see, I had made a cycling "date" with a riding friend of mine, Michael Foresto, to go for a ride.  Of course, this was not without a small amount of "negotiation" with the family.  Weekends are family time and there is often a lot of things for us to do together.  However, my wife realized that it was a good thing for me to get out and try to ride with others, at least once in a while.

So Michael and I had been going back and forth for about a week trying to figure out when and where we would ride and we finally settled on yesterday and we still weren't sure exactly where we would go but we agreed we would try to tackle a bunch of moderate climbs. 

Now there were a couple of reasons that I was very nervous about this, not the least of which was the fact that I think I'm not in the best of shape right now.  The first is that Michael is an amazing athlete.  All you have to do is look at a listing of his accomplishments to know that he is a pretty damn intimidating cyclist.  Back when I rode somewhat semi-regularly with the AA group of the Huntington Bicycle Club he was always one of the ones that would be off the front leaving us all panting in his wake.  Okay, maybe not ALL of us, but almost always I would be huffing and puffing.

The second reason I was nervous about the ride was because he had invited a friend of his, Glen Corso who just happens to be a world class ice speed skater (although I didn't find out about this until a little bit into the ride).  As it was, Mike and I had been facebooking back and forth and bemoaning our lack of fitness.  Since we were planning to do some hills I thoroughly envisioned myself looking like this;

(Can you see them?  I think they're over the next hill! *puff, puff*)

So I did everything I could to prepare for the ride.  I laid out everything the night before (shoes, shorts, jersey, pump, etc.), I cleaned and lubed my bike, I hydrated like crazy, and I got a good night's sleep.  We were meeting at the Dunkin' Donuts in Greenlawn (which it turns out is only a really good baseball throw from Michael's house) so I left a bit early so I could get a hit of caffeine to give me energy on the ride.

Michael and Glen got there and we rolled out and I immediately knew I would be hurting - these guys are serious riders!  We even ran into a couple of other riders who had been following us and then as they passed us up the hill Glen took off saying, "I can't just let them pull away from us like this" or something to that effect.  I thought, "Crap, I'm going to be dropped next".  It was then that I realized Michael was suffering too.  He was showing pretty classic signs of dehydration even though he had been drinking a lot of fluids.  Now you have to understand, Mike has been through a hell of a lot physically.  He was a extremely serious body builder (and you can find the pictures online to prove it) when he was in a serious accident in 1993.  He lost his left arm above the elbow but he still managed to compete in body building competitions and even race his bicycle on the track.  He is also diabetic and has some other complications that have started to hit him lately.  Yet I am in awe of him as a cyclist and with what he has been able to accomplish both as an athlete and as an exercise physiologist.  However, he was hurting and he kept apologizing by saying, "sorry to be your lead sail and your paper anchor."

Now I was not really doing much better and I was happy with the fact that we were hitting some hills but not sprinting up them the way the Open guys of HBC would be doing..  I'm still trying to get my fitness base back (yes, I know its VERY late in the season) so I was happy to just spin up the hills.  But he kept apologizing and although I am a font of useless knowledge, I never did get the reference.  Well, now that I have done some research I find it is the title of a song by a band named ATREYU and here it is;

	ATREYU - Lead Sails Paper Anchor - Track 1 .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

It may not be to the tastes of some of you since it is what is considered "metalcore" but I like it and I think I'll put it (and a few more of their tracks) on my iPod in my cycling playlist.   It certainly makes me pedal faster.

Afterwards we found ourselves back at Mike's house and we had some coffee and chatted a bit.  The more I learn about him (and Glen for that matter) the more I was humbled that I was riding with these guys.  They truly are inspirational.  Mike in particular has come through so much and still finds a way to keep pushing forward and finding better ways to do things.  We should all have his spirit and his fight.  And as for Glen, now knowing his palmares in the ice speed skating world, I'm glad I didn't challenge him to a sprint!

What does all this have to do with Connor's Army, the mission and how we can help Sunrise?  Well, basically, we can't stop fighting, we cant' stop pushing and we can't stop searching for the answer to the question, "how can I/We beat this?"  For it can be done.  It may not happen overnight and it may not happen in the time that we want it to but we can get it done if we keep pushing ahead.  We won't always feel on top of our game and we may even feel like we are holding others back, but you never know who you're going to inspire and who is going to want to push a little bit harder because they see what we are doing. 

We (and by that I mean I) can only hope that such will be the case as we go cross country next year.  There will be days when I will feel like I'm just on a treadmill and that I'm not getting anywhere but if I just tuck my head down and keep climbing/pushing/pedaling through it I can get through.  Its my hope that my example will not only raise some much needed funds for these kids but also raise some awareness to the battle these kids face every day and yet they go on and they fight through and they embrace life - so should we all!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!