And the World Spins Madly On/To All of Those I've Taught Before

So I have this song on my iPod that was introduced to me by a former extremely talented student named Heather Burian.  She choreographed an end of the year project that included this song as part of the mix and she made a cd for me that included the entire version. The name of the song is "The World Spins Madly On" and its by a group called the Weepies;



Today I listened to it as I rode my bike to school.  Its the first day of school and as has become my custom in the last few years, I ride the first day.  Today it was raining but I just bundled up in my plastic shell (its sort of like magic shell, just not as chocolatey) and headed out the door.

The ride was great (although squishy) and I arrived at school in time to dry myself off before I went into the Little Theater - the traditional early morning meeting place for members of the Association of Creative Thespians - our school drama club.

And I was immediately slapped in the face as surely and as palpably as if someone had done it like this;



What caused this incredible slap to the face?  The realization that the incredible young people I have watched grow, mature, blossom and soar with their incredible talent have gone off to bigger and better things (college).  As a teacher of now 15 years, I have never gotten used to this first day of seeing familiar faces, but not ALL the familiar faces.  Even the absence of the summer never really takes the edge off and this day always leaves me with a gaping hole in my heart.

And I see in my classes and in the hallways the new crop of actors that will come up in the next few years - the newest Phil Rosenberg, Emily Feinstein, Ally Grossman, Alex Mogil, Ally Giorgio, Jaimee Diamond, Erin Edelstein (or Edelle as she calls herself), Catherine Woodard, Louis Hatzipetrakos (see I can still spell it!), Dan Incalcaterra, Andrew Rubino, Megah Nabe, Jordan Ross, Katherine O'Connor, Jared Morgenstern, Caryn Lewi, Lyndsey Staib, Stephanie Israelson, Jillian Feinstein, Martina Bonolis, Robin Sutker, Alex Green, and so many others (please don't be offeneded if I didn't list your name here - after 15 years there have been so many of you!). 

But these newest editions (call them ACT 15.0 if you will) can never replace those that have gone before.  And then there are those former ACTers who can never be repeated because of their singular place in my heart: the entire graduating class of 1998 (my first ACT grads ever); the graduating class of 2000 (who made a huge banner for me congratulating me on my tenure!); the entire ACT group from 2001-2002 (those of us who pulled together and tried to make sense of 9/11); the graduating class of 2004 as we put together an awesome season of The Man Who Came to Dinner, West Side Story, and Romeo and Juliet; The Casts of the Laramie Project (both versions); the ACTers of 2007-2008 who were so supportive and helpful to me when I reached my goal of 2000 miles for Connor's Army.  And I could literally go on and on!

All of these kids who have gone through these halls, performed in the LT, had classes with me and performed on our main stage are indelibly printed in my memory - they are a part of who I am now as a teacher, a director, a person and most importantly a father.  I have been blessed over the years to have the best job ever - teaching young people who are so passionate (sometimes too much so) about what they do and who invest themselves (sometimes too much so) in what they do.  They put their trust in me that I won't make them look foolish and that I have their best interests at heart.  I really do try to do that on a daily basis with them.  Often times I am successful but there are those times I am not and those failures on my part also weigh on my heart and soul on days like today.  Will this be the year I get it right?  Will this be the year that I truly use their talents to the best of their ability?  Will this be the year I grow yet again as a teacher, director, father, person?  Can I manage to not destroy someone's confidence in their own unique talents and abilities?  The questions that weigh on my mind as I face my new charges are a swirling morass of uncertainty.

You have all taught me so much about being a person and following my own passions.  Connor's Army came about because you taught me to follow my heart.  You have taught me to try to listen to my own children better and be more patient with them and their zaniness.  I don't always succeed but becuase you have all loved them so much and have given them such examples of what I hope they can grow up to be, I am reminded daily to be patient with them and help nurture their passions - whatever those passions may be.  I may get stretched to the limit becuase of my obligations to ACT but working with you also reminds me every year why I have a family and why I love my wife and children so.

And I do know this - becuase of all of my ACTers who have come into my life I am better than I was, despite my numerous failings (and they are so many).  I know that I will have more failings in my life but I do believe in my heart that I am trying to do my best with all of my children and with my ACT kids and that I will always strive to be better.  When it comes to the time that I detest my job and I see all of these young, passionate people as mere pains in my ass it will become time to hang up my dance shoes, fold up my director's chair and make use of the School District Administration degree I now have waiting to be framed at home.  Once I lose the passion to help these kids be their best, its time to stop.

But for now I still love what I do - I still have the best job at Syosset High School and as I rode Black Pearl home in the drizzle I even relished the feel of the wet rain in my shorts because it reminded me that I am alive, I have a great family at school and I'm headed home to the best family I could ever hope to have - a loving wife, creative and passionate and beautiful children, and a warm, comfortable house.  Thank you ACT for making this life possible.

And so I ride my bike on the first day of school and I return home.  Some of the faces have changed, and the world spins madly on.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.

P.S. - If you are a former ACTer and you've made it this far - subscribe to my blog - I do talk about you all quite a bit!

Viewing the World through a Meisnerian Approach

Sanford Meisner (1905 - 1997)

Disclaimer:  Okay, so I know I said I was going to try to update this blog a bit more but life keeps getting in the way.  As of right now I have two other blog entries that are as of yet unfinished that I hope to finish in the next day or so and then I'll post those as well.  In the meantime, I really wanted to get this "Eureka" moment out to all (52) of my followers.  Of course, if you want to invite YOUR friends to follow that would be great!

And now on to our (ir)regularly scheduled blog:

For those of you who don't know, the gentleman in the photo above is Sanford Meisner one of the pioneers of American theatre. 

For Meisner, acting was about reproducing honest emotional human reactions. He felt the actor’s job was simply to prepare for an experiment that would take place on stage. The best acting, he believed, was made up of spontaneous responses to the actor’s immediate surroundings. Meisner explained that his approach was designed "to eliminate all intellectuality from the actor’s instrument and to make him a spontaneous responder to where he is, what is happening to him, what is being done to him."

The primary tool Meisner employed in preparing his students was spontaneous repetition. Among his many exercises was one in which two actors looked directly at each other and one would described a feature of the other. After this, the two actors would simply say the phrase back and forth. Because the phrases (such as, "You have soft eyes") came from a physical reality apparent to the actors, the statement retained meaning no matter how often they were repeated.

Another one of Meisner's tenets is that the foundation of acting is the reality of doing. So you may be asking yourself what exactly does that mean? The reality of doing means to actually do something not "pretend" you’re doing it. For example if you are suppose to be listening really listen not pretend to listen.  The point of the Meisner technique is to act TRUTHFULLY under imaginary circumstances. Note the word truthfully.

Meisner, of all the decendents of Stanislavski, was very focused on one of the most ignored elements of Stanislavski's system - Communion.  For Stanislavski, communion menat not only the communiction between scene partners, but between the actor and himself, and between the actor and the audience, although Meisner was most interested in it as it related to scene partners.  He realized that two actors could be in a scene, have created great characters, be playing great actions, be emotionally truthful and still fail the scene - what gives crackling energy and tension to a scene is the interaction between characters.

Okay, bear with me - it does all have to do with life, cycling and the bigger picture.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to perform in two separate productions in the space of three days.  One of them was the annual SHS dance concert in which Jessica Farina, Marisa Sanders and myself performed a pas de trois to Adele's "Someone Like You".  If you're not familiar with the song, it goes like this;



I would show you the video of us dancing but quite frankly, I hate to see myself dance.  Everyone who saw it enjoyed it but I fear that my technique ain't what it used to be (of course, not much of me is what it used to be but that's fodder for another blog).  Anyway, the story was pretty much that of the lyrics - a woman is singing about the man that used to be in her life but for whatever reason has moved on and married someone else.  The protagonist is talking about how she regrets not being with him and that she knows someone will come along and she's hoping it will be someone like him.  Pretty deep stuff for a singer/songwriter who is only 23 years old!

Despite all three of us feeling bleh about our technique it went as well as it did mainly becuase the connection we kept with each other.  I know that for myself I was acutely aware of where the other two dancer were on stage and what I had to do to adjust to partner them or to stay in unison with them.  Never mind that the only chance we had to rehearse together were stolen moments in the hall during third period, eighth period, or a few times at the end of Jessica's sixth period class.  We were able to support each other because of the connection we had developed in working on this piece.

Then we had the other performance I was involved with which was The Star Playhouse's Production of Oliver!  Unfortunately, I don't have any photos of me in the show since they were taken on opening night and I was tending to the closing night of The Laramie Project at SHS.   About the only thing I made it into was a publicity still;

(Yep, that's me in the back left tapping into my Irish roots - everyone said I made a great drunk!  I guess it was too much Strasberg training and all that sense memory work!)

But there are some great shots of the family in action.  This first is from "Food" and William and James are the little guys down front with Sarah being the third standing from left;

(Couldn't you just eat them up?)

And here they are again in "Consider Yourself"';

(Can you hear the people sing?)

And here is my lovely wife in one of her show stopping moments kicking up her heels in "Oom Pah Pah";

(I told you Gin NOT Beer!)

And finally in her heart wrenching performance of "As Long as He Needs Me";

(I could just stare at this one forever)

I would watch her every night from the wings so grateful that she was my wife, because quite frankly, I need her.  It truly was a joy to be able to watch my family perform from the on stage and wing view.  I had the chance to do that last year with Amy in A Chorus Line but it was so much fun to be able to watch the boys (and Sarah) perform in their first show from the wings - they were so good (and that's not just a proud daddy talking - they really are amazing on stage).

The only down side of the experience (aside from the long rehearsals and going over "Consider Yourself" about 200 times) was that I really didn't have a part in the show.  As a matter of fact, one of the women who I performed A Chorus Line with came to see the show (not knowing I was in it) and after the show she said, "you were in the show?" - ahh, that hurt.  However, I did learn something important in this show.  As someone who was not a role, I was left to my own devices to create a character and to create some sort of reason for being in the scene.  It was important for me to do this without resorting to the type of DelSartean tactics of my peers on stage.   I realized that I had to do exactly what I've been telling my students to do - create a connection on stage!  So, resorting back to Stanislavski's circles of attention, I kept trying to focus myself on expanding concentring rings around me to maintain contact and focus on everything around me starting with the closest environ and work my way outwards, sort of like this;

(The Serenity of Focus)

And I found that by focusing on what was around me and where I was supposed to be I was in the moment - and I was connected to my fellow actors.  Now granted, much to my chagrin I did allow myself to engage in a little theatrical tomfoolery!  When Dodger comes in and tells them that Oliver was snatched in Londonderry I usually would go off on a tangent about Lingonberries and how I loved them on pancakes, especially on the little flat ones with powdered sugar and you roll them up like my brother-in-law Per does.  Now remember we ARE supposed to be drunk and in a bar so I was also saying this in my best Jack Sparrow impersonation;

(Yes, but why is the rum gone?)

But when it was all said and done I realized that even when you're given no direction, its up to you as an artist to create that connection with your fellow actors and with the world you are creating on stage.  Without those connections you are adrift.

(WARNING!  ESOTERIC CONNECTION TO LIFE ALERT!)

And that's when I had my ephiphany that has continued to strike me through the course of this week.  Too much of the time I think many of us (okay, I know I do) go through life so focused on our our immediate needs that we forget to connect with those around us - we forget to have that communion that is so important.  We go through life "pretending" to have conversations but we're really focused on other things.  Instead of listening and responding to the information we're being given, we are already thinking about our "lines" and what we'll say when its our turn to speak.

I think this also goes for activitis and hobbies, don't pretend to do things - do them!  And that is why I now have a renewed purpose to make this cross country ride happen for the kids.  I think for too long I have liked the idea of it and hoped that somehow another "angel" like Smiles for Scott would come forward and offer to help us.  Well, I recently learned that the phrase "God helps those who help themselves" isn't really in the Bible but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take the initiative and try to do the work on our own.  It may be that no more major "angels" come forth.  It may be that I have to go out and find a whole lot of little "angels" instead.  I know they're always watching so maybe I can get one with "training wings" (you have to forward to 7:33 to get the connection but it's really a great scene and the stadium scene always makes me cry);



The point being I have to stop "pretending" to plan this ride and actually get around to planning it.  I have the maps, I just need to get the fundraising done.  Its a long process but it means I have to get to writing more e-mails, letters, and make personal appeals to try and raise this last bit of fundage.

And on another note, a dear colleague of mine Jeff Rozran has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.  He just found out today that it is now stage four but he is positive that he is going to beat it.  I've spent far too little time talking to Jeff.  Yes, we coment in the hall and he comes and sees the shows and gives great praise to the kids but I don't ask him enough about what is going on.  I only found out yesterday about his cancer when everyone else has known for weeks.  And its all because I get my blinders on and focus on my lines instead of really listening to what is happening around me.

So today I rode in honor of Jeff, never mind the fact that it was 92 degrees and incredibly humid.  I'll ride again tomorrow, even though its going to be hotter and more humid, because in comparison to all the pain Jeff is about to go through, it is nothing.  I will channel positive energy and strength to him with every pedal stroke I take - and I will really do it and not pretend.

Well, my vow is to now do my best to have a deeper communion with my family, my friends and with my mission to raise $50,000 for the kids of Sunrise Day Camp - and if some angels do want to help, I won't mind the divine intervention.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.