Starting a New "Century" - Closing in on a Goal

Okay, so it's not exactly the route that I'm hoping to take next summer but it's pretty close!  Actually, the route that I'm hoping to take this summer in my ride for Sunrise Day Camp follows this route pretty closely but then when it gets outside of Washington, DC we'll head north for Swedesboro, NJ (Angel and Per), Verona, NJ (Mark and Laura) and then head over to Wheatley Heights, NY to end up at the camp.  This route will come to us through the Adventure Cycling Association's maps that they offer on their website.

Yet, with this posting two things are happending.  The first I "talked" about on Tuesday, we are no in our second "century" of postings as this is posting 101.  When I started blogging four years ago I never thought I would be able to continue this long as I've never been very good at keeping up correspondence (sorry Danielle and Emily, I do have e-mails coming your way) or been very good at reflective journals  (sorry Dr. Maurer) but I have been able to keep blogging.  There have been stretches where I haven't blogged for months or only two a month (witness the month of July) but recently I've found a way to keep a little more updated.

The second goal is one that I'm not sure I'll reach but I'll give it a shot.  As of today's ride home I have a combined 2,785 miles on my bicycles.  I don't know that I'll be able to get in any long epic rides over the break (I think about three would do it) but I'm going to give it a try.

You see, my goal this year was to ride 3,000 miles and try to do so in all weather.  My accident really threw me for a loop and I didn't get much riding done then and I was a little on the wimpy side the first part of the school year more often than not finding an excuse for not riding in the morning.  Then I was sick with some sort of upper respiratory issue which knocked me off the bike for another week and a half.  So I lost some time.  I think without the bike issue and the respiratory thing I would be well past 3,000 by now.

But stuff happens and sometimes, as we saw in the following episode of "Mythbusters", when it happens the excrement DOES fly everywhere (WARNING, FAST FORWARD TO 10:27 TO AVOID SOME REALLY DISGUSTING STUFF);



Well, I don't think it will hit the fan if I don't make it the last 215 miles before January 1 but I will be bummed.  But if we look on the bright side of life and remember the glass is always half full then there shouldn't be any problems at all, right?  At least very few (c'mon, name what children's "novel" that is from you Seussical fans!).

However, I am finding more and more ways to use my bicycle and make it more of an every day part of my life.  I've also been "in training" in a sense in that I'm trying to ride more, even if the weather conditions are a bit "adverse".  For example, I've been riding in 20 degree weather no matter now breezy.

Well, today I took on a new challenge.  Traditionally (well, at least for the last 14 years) I make it a point to bring in Dunkin' Donuts and Munchkins to my dance and acting classes.  Today was to be no exception but for the fact that I was riding my bike (Pearl to be exact) in to school today.  I was going to need to transport five dozen donuts and three boxes of 50 munchkins.  With a little preplanning (I went into a DD and borrowed a couple of boxes to "measure") I figured that it would all fit in a standard milk crate with some bungee cords and elastic netting.  So I got to school where all the equipment was stashed, loaded up the crate, cycled to the Syosset DD (I got a few strange looks but mostly from people in their Mercedes SUV's), purchased the sugary goodness, loaded up and rode back.  No one was around to take a picture when I first got back so i had to wait until I changed into my festive attire and it looked a little like this;

I sent it to Amy and a few friends and their common retort was, "you look like a lumberjack who is moonlighting as one of those Chinese food delivery guys in the city."  Well in honor of all of you and of the holiday vacation coming up I leave you all with this little video clip, enjoy;



Well, even though I am going to wear spandex (and not women's clothing) I'll be cavorting with me pedals while wearing lots and lots of layers! Wish me luck and here's hoping I make it to 3,000!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road (but probably without the donuts!)

Ride Me to the Moon - And A Happy 100 To Us!

So tonight I left school at 4:40 PM and by the time I got 1/4 of the way home it was almost pitch black and I found myself riding to the moon.  Okay, so it wasn't quite like the picture above and I wasn't trying to smuggle a small alien in the basket of my bicycle (extra terrestrial or illegal).  And to be honest, I only went airborne once or twice as I was bumping over potholes in the near pitch blackness (I really need to get a better headlight if I'm going to commute at night).  But as I looked up while heading due East on the way home the vision I saw was more like this;

Now, a little known fact about me and my musical tastes.  At one time in my life I was very into Dinah Washington and I had more than a few of her albums on tape (yes, this was before CD's were popular, back when the walkman was the coolest thing to have) and this was one of the songs I used to listen to a lot:

So this song was playing through my head as I saw myself on a dark ribbon of road punctuated periodically by the headlights of the cars behind and the orange moon stretching just above it.  It was as if I could pedal right to the moon if I kept going!

Now I have to mention here that my association with the moon today started at 2:15 in the morning as Amy and I woke up to watch the first total eclipse of the moon on a Winter Solstice since 1638 and we thought we'd wake up the kids to have them witness it as well - c'mon how often do you get the chance to see that.  I think they've calculated that the next time this will happen is 2094!

So we woke the kids up and this is what we saw:

And it made me so happy that I could share this with my kids, even if I knew we were all going to be loopy and sleep deprived the rest of the day.

But now as I rode home riding to the moon I was grateful to be alive, grateful to be able to just see the moon stretch before me, feel the cold air (it was 21 degrees) and the road under my tires.  And I'm reminded of why I escaped relatively unscathed from my accident.

But there others who can't ride to the moon.  People whose immune systems are compromised and becuase of that they can't be riding outside in the freezing weather, they can't take the chance that they're going to fall in the dark and suffer a severe case of road rash.  People like my friend Dana who needs experimental treatment in order to survive the latest attack from cancer.  The children from Sunrise Day Camp, some of whom I came to find out this past summer, have never ridden a bike themselves because they've never been well enough to learn.  For them time is not always on their side - which is another reason why I want to ride for them this summer.  I can put myself out there and hopefully give them a chance to enjoy a summer playing and running as much as they can.  Now that Allan Rosenburg at Coinland.com has offered to sponsor us again we are $1000 closer to this goal - now we only have $7000 more to go to reach our goal and make this cross country trip a reality to help these kids!

And now for the second part of the title.  WITH THIS POST, CONNOR'S ARMY HAS NOW POSTED 100 TIMES SINCE 2006!!!!!  WOOHOOO!!!!

I think this deserves a bit of a celebration;



Yes, we rock!  And its all thanks to all of you!  Keep spreading the word!  And speaking of rockin' I will leave you with this last little sound bite from Pink Floyd in honor of our lunar eclipse!  Enjoy:

	Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Stay well everyone and I'll see you on the road!

Pay It Forward

So about ten years ago a movie starring Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt hit the theaters.  It was called Pay it Forward and the premise of the movie is young Trevor McKinney (played by Haley Joel), troubled by his mother's (Helen Hunt) alcoholism and fears of his abusive but absent father, is caught up by an intriguing assignment from his new social studies teacher, Mr. Simonet (Kevin Spacey). The assignment: think of something to change the world and put it into action. Trevor conjures the notion of paying a favor not back, but forward--repaying good deeds not with payback, but with new good deeds done to three new people. Trevor's efforts to make good on his idea bring a revolution not only in the lives of himself, his mother and his physically and emotionally scarred teacher, but in those of an ever-widening circle of people completely unknown to him.

In a scene from the movie Trevor explains his plan to his classroom;


As those of you who follow this blog know, I do a lot of my best thinking when I'm riding my bike.  Last week I wrote about a dear friend of mine who has been stricken again by that omnipresent monster cancer.  She is a great teacher and choreographer but unfortunately she doesn't have health insurance to cover her treatments.  On Sunday another friend of hers organized a conference call for people to try and brainstorm how to help raise the $85,000 she'll need for treatments.

If you're reading this you probably know that I am currently looking for sponors to help underwrite the costs for a cross country cycling trip that I want to do to raise $50,000 for Sunrise Day Camp.  All my own fundraising efforts (and those of my amazing wife Amy) have been going into trying to raise the money we are going to need to accomplish that task.  We don't make a lot of money as I'm a public school teacher and we are a single income family.  If we did make more money we wouldn't be needing these sponsors so badly, but we don't so we do need these sponsors in order to make this mitzvah project a reality.

However, while I was riding in this morning and reaching my usual state of flow, I began thinking about my friend and what she needs in order to beat this @#$@ disease and I started sobbing.  As I was feeling the tears freeze on my cheeks something became very clear to me - I'm alive for a reason.  I know I often make light of the day I made God laugh but the reality is had any of a couple of dozen things gone differently that day I wouldn't be alive right now.  One of the doctors in the ER told us that she had seen many similar accidents in her ER experience in the city and most of the cyclists ended up breaking something (collar bone, arm, ribs, neck) and at least three instances she remembered ended up with the cyclist dying. 

The memory of that day and what could have been went through my head as I was riding and I thought "God kept me alive that day for a reason, and maybe this is it."  You see, I went back and forth with the insurance company for about two months in regard to my personal injury settlement.  I originally didn't even know I was entitled to one (I've never really been in an accident before, surprise, huh?) but the claims adjuster mentioned that I would be eligibable for a personal injury settlement in one of our initial conversations.  To make a long story short, we "negotiated" to the point where the insurance company paid me a good amount of money for my "pain and suffering", not a lot mind you, but more than I make from my stipends for my after school theatre program.

I won't lie to you, times are hard and some of that money went to pay taxes and bills.  We are going to use a small portion of it for the trip and that leaves just a little bit left over.  Yes, times are hard and my family could use the money but I think one of the things I'm supposed to do with it is to help a friend in need.  Right now, she needs the money more than we do and it is time to perhaps serve one of the purposes for which God has kept me alive - paying it forward.  If it helps her to be able to stay around longer with those of us who love her (even if we don't get to see her) then the reason for my accident is clear - it is so I can help others.

And so I shall.  It is my greatest Christmas wish that more sponsors step forward and help us raise the money we need to be able to do CAXC (Connor's Army Cross Country) and help eight more children and their families.  We're going to pay it forward and hope that others can help us by doing the same.  AS I mentioned on Friday, Jason Lederman put up a great PSA as part of Project for Awesome 2010 that you can access by clicking here or just watch this:


Thank you Jason from the bottom of my heart for this and for believing in Connor's Army.  It really means so much to my family and to myself!

I know there are at least a few of you out there who follow this blog.  At last count we had 47 followers.  We could really use more to follow us and show potential sponsors that we have people that pay attention to us.  But more importantly, PLEASE help our Christmas wish come true, help us pay it forward to kids whose families are really struggling in these economic times.  Unlike my friend, they may not have others who can step forward and help them with thier financial need and they need us to find the money so they can be normal kids for a summer.  If each of us can try to reach out to three people and those can reach out to three more and those can reach out to three more and each of those can raise just $125 in sponsorships for us together we can all come up with just enough to sponsor CAXC and make a difference!

So what do you say my friends?  Can we pay it forward?  Every little bit will help!

Stay well, and I'll see you on the road.

Desiderata

As I mentioned yesterday, there are three times in the year that I really don't like being me - the three days that I have to post the cast lists for the shows we do at my high school.  However, oddly enough today was a much better day than I thought.

First of all, I had a great ride in today.  I feel much less like a Stay Puft Cyclist after three days of riding in freezing weather.  I don't feel quite as squishy as I was a week ago and my cycling efforts are less labored, although with my cold induced asthma it's hard to tell.  But I don't seem to be breathing quite as heavily as I climb up Stillwell these days.  But today's ride was almost magical.  It wasn't the fastest I'd ever ridden but I was able to just focus on my technique and keeping a good pace and really finding my state of flow. 

Of course, I was dreading walking in the door because I was dreading the conversations I would have to have today.  I did end up having a few but I was completely honest with the young actors I spoke with - I respect them too much and appreciate what they give to me onstage too much to do less.  It was after I spoke to one that I found myself looking at a copy of "Desiderata" which I had taped to the back of my door last year after my brother David died.  I found my eyes drawn to the lines,"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."

And I came to the realization that I, like these kids, spent a good chunk of my time as a performer constantly comparing myself to others, which is why I always felt I had to prove myself.  I still do.  I still feel like I'm not a good teacher, director, dancer, husband, father, friend (the few I have), person.  I probably never will.  But then I read the rest of the poem;

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

And the next to last paragraph struck me like a tangible, palpable force "be gentle with yourself.....and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."  And I realized that for all my feelings of shortcomings and for all of my fears of how I have hurt my young charges, I have not done anything out of anger or vengeance or spitfulness.  I truly have tried to be the best teacher and director I can be and the universe is unfolding as it should.  It gave me a sense of peace and I've decided I need to read it every day before I start work - perhaps in ten years or so it will sink in.

And today my former student Jason Lederman (one of the few people who I know that actually reads this blog on a consistent basis) posted this video on Youtube that he shot a few days ago.  It's part of Project for Awesome 2010 and it looks like this;



And I found such a reason to be grateful and full of humility today.  For in five years, no one will remember what musical we put on this year or how difficult the casting process was, but with any luck and some angels that shower us with sponsorships, the lives of eight children will be iredicably changed forever and in five years they will remember what we did and how people they will never meet made that possible.  And for that I am truly grateful and hopeful.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires!

Okay, so normally I don't talk about work on my blog except to talk about going there and back on my bicycle.  Part of that is becuase many people I come into contact where I teach read my blog (or at least they tell me they do, I'm not really sure.  And IF you do, why in the heck haven't you encouraged other people to read it too?  IF they do, then why have they not signed up to be followers, it isn't that hard and it will show potential sponsors that their product will get exposure - but I digress, big surprise, huh.) and as someone certified to teach English Literature I can tell you that the written word is too often subject to many interpretations that were never intended but the reader may feel are implied (look at scholarly "interpretations" of Shakespeare's works for example).

So, bottom line is although I have what I think 98% of the time is the best job in the world, there are those times that I really hate doing what I do nine months out of the year.  This usually comes about three times a year when I have to post the cast lists for the shows we produce at Syosset High School.  I have been at it for 14 years now and that means 41 times I have been part of a process that by its very nature hurts the feeligns of some of the most incredible young people you would ever want to have the good fortune to meet.  These students are passionate, creative, intelligent (mostly), talented, energetic and they always challenge me to be a better director.  However, I hate more than anything the thing that causes them pain and the fact that I am the instrument (or at least the wielder of the instrument) that causes that pain usually means I don't sleep for at least a week before the cast list goes up and the day the list goes up I am miserable.

Of course, those young people who have not been cast in the roles that had hope for don't care about that.  They are dealing with their own pain and they really could care less that I agonize over all the decision, constantly second guessing each decision.  I have colleagues (and as I now understand it a fair number of parents) who feel I only cast in a spirit of nepotism and cast my "favorites", my ACT kids - talent and ability be damned.  For this I gave up a successful career as a performer myself? 

But on the flip side, when the show is finished and they all were amazing and worked up to their potential everyone is happy with what they had done.  I sure hope it is that way with this show because this one tore me up more than any casting has done in a long time.  The entire ride into work today - YES I RODE IN 23 DEGREE WEATHER, 15 DEGREES WITH THE WIND CHILL - all I could think of was how this was going to effect some of the kids and how upset they would be.  I thought of past casting decisions I had made where there were tears and pain caused by my typed words and I started to cry because invariably it would happen again.  Some of the more cynical among my colleagues just brush it off and say, "the kids have to learn somewhere."  In my mind, they have the real grind of the business to do that for them.  The percentage of actors who "make it" is small, only about 6% of Equity members make more than $75,000 a year!  But I, like these young ones, did it for a very long time not because of the money, but because I loved it more than anything else.   But that doesn't make them (or me) feel any better now when they are in pain.

In my adoptive home state of Texas (click here to go to the official website) there is a phrase, "putting out forest fires".  Yes, I said adoptive because for those of you who don't know the entire Connor migration story (and no Heather Burian, I wasn't born on the side of a volcano in Germany) - I was born in Columbus, SC and moved to Gastonia, NC then to Monterrey, CA then to Augusta, GA then to Germany (you can check my facebook friends if you need proof) then to Texas!  (and no, contrary to popular belief, they can't REALLY secede from the United States - much as some would wish we would)

(It's like a whole 'nother country!"

Anyhoo, the phrase "putting out forest fires" in the Texas vernacular means dealing with lots of little issues that if left unchecked could turn into full fledged conflagarations;


Tomorrow I will try to talk to my wonderful students and explain that its nothing they did wrong, and I'm not trying to punish them but its just that they might not have been the best person for a particular role.  Its the least I can do to try to help them realize its not them, its the nature of what we do.  Perhaps if a casting director or two would have taken the time with me I wouldn't have gotten so discouraged with the business and I would still be performing like a few (only a handful actually) of my friends who still are doing it.  But I do want my young charges to know that I do feel their pain and I do feel for them - even if they don't believe it.

So tomorrow I'm going to ride in again.  My colleagues think I'm crazy and they think I've got a death wish.  Again, I just explain that if I am going to ride cross country in all conditions and try to do it in 64 days, I can't let little things like wind, rain or possible hail deter me (gee, remember when the US Postal service wouldn't let it deter THEM?).  Yes, its cold but you layer, and layer, and layer and before you know it, you're sweating even though the wind chill is 8 degrees.

Okay, no great music in this post, sorry.  I'll try to get some in tomorrow's posting.  For now, if you are one of my young thespians past or present, I'm sorry for any pain I ever caused you because of this heinous process known as casting.  It was never deliberate and it was never meant to hurt you.

Okay, my friends (c,mon someone comment so I know you're out there) I WILL  see you on the road!