Relative is as Relative Does

I have had a long association with the movie Forrest Gump.  When it first came out I think I saw it three times.  Then way back when Amy and I were "single" (which is what we call the period before we had children) we used to go away for our yearly "honeymoon" which basically meant we would take a brief vacation with just the two of us  to celebrate our anniversary.  On our second "honeymoon" - well, technically the third since Ireland was the first and Cape May was the second - we travelled to Savannah, GA to exhilerate in the Old South charm of the city that provided us settings for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and JFK among so many others.  Also the birthplace of Johnny Mercer of "Moon River" fame.  And since I had in the not so distant past performed for nine months with Andy Williams in the "Moon River Theatre" it was pretty cool to make that connection.

But the connection we really had to make was sitting on the bench in the spot where they filmed the bench scenes for Forrest Gump.  I'm sorry to say that I don't have the digital photos to share since we don't have on file anything before 1999 but use your imagination and imagine me where Forrest is sitting above.  Of course, when it comes to the movie, I guess the character I would most resemble is Lieutenant Dan (a.k.a., Gary Sinise below with his Lieutenant Dan Band)

(Gary Sinise)

(Not Gary Sinise)

As a matter of fact, that's what a lot of my ACT students used to call me when I first started teaching at Syosset High School.  Since the movie had only come out in 1994, it was still fresh in their minds.  Especially this scene;



Now where was I?  Oh yes, Relativity.  I'm not necessary speaking of the Theory of Relativity (not to be confused with Theory of a Deadman - a Canadian rock band) which as we know was developed by cyclist Albert Einstein while on a cycling jaunt;

(Let's see if I divide how fast I'm going by the number of wheel revolutions.....)

Nope, I'm talking about the feeling we all get when we accomplish something we've been planning for so long and then it happens and you're left with that feeling of "Now what?"  That feeling of wanting to still be relevant.  I've written about it in the past, in fact on numerous occasions. 

And I'm not alone in this feeling.  Recently I was speaking to a long time suporter of Connor's Army who runs a few philanthropic activities of her own.  I won't mention her name her in order to protect her anonymity (but you know who you are) and she was relating how frustrating it feels to do so much work and not reach the goal she had reached for herself.  I certainly do understand.  I had set a goal for myself of raising $50,000 last summer - the goal of trying to send ten campers to Sunrise Day Camp.  We only reached half of the amount when all was said and done.  And I have been feeling so incredibly adrift for the year since we got back because I felt like my family and I worked so hard and sacrificed so much (both financially, physically and emotionally) and now its as if we never did it.  No one remembers what we've done or appreciates any longer what a normal American family did just becuase it was a good thing to do. 

And then there have been the last three weeks at Sunrise Day Camp.  This past week alone have been an amazingly rejuvenating experience as I have been reminded daily of why my family and I gave up our summer, why I risked completely rupturing the disc in my back, why we risked out healthy pedalling in 115+ heat.  I have seen the joy in the faces of the kids that are attending the camp.  I'll never know which kids have been able to have the experience of Sunrise because of my efforts but these past three weeks have been a daily reaffirmation of why my fundraising makes a difference and continues to be relevant.  Moments such as seeing the looks of complete joy when the campers got the chance to experience the carnival with all the bouncy rides during the second week of camp.  I realized that except for the fundraising I and others had done, some of these campers would never experience that kid of joy.  Yes, here on Long Island we get spoiled by all the parties at Pump it Up and other establishments.  But for many of our campers who come from a more urban environment, this was the first time they had ever had the chance to do this sort of thing.  And there will be many more such experiences this summer.

And then there are the things the kids have said to me over the last three weeks.  The first week, five or six campers thanked me for what I did last summer.  Then the second week I was sitting at lunch with some campers from the Leadership group and one of the campers said to me, "I want to thank you becuase you've really inspired me.  I want to do something to make a difference."  As I simultaneously tried to hold back the tears and not choke on my sandwich I had enough blood flow in my brain to be truly thankful for that moment.  Becuase if there was one kid who was brave (and self aware) enough to voice that thought, there are probably more who are having the same thought and just haven't said anything.  And that made me feel definitely relevant.

And then this past week we suffered through and incredibly heat wave.  It wasn't like what my family and I went through in middle America last summer but it was hot and it was stiffling and it was hard on these campers.  And yet, one of the campers came up to me on Thursday and said, "We have drama with you today, I'm so excited!".  Now normally that wouldn't be such a big deal.  Except for the fact that this girl is one that I've known for three years now and who hardly ever cracks a smile. when she sees me.  Yet this time she was smiling and saying how much she was looking forward to doing drama with me!  Now that is certainly relevant and was just the reminder I needed that what I do at Sunrise matters to someone.

So yes, I will still continue to try my best to make a difference in the lives of others, particularly those fighting their individual battles with cancer.  And I will now also get the chance to help make a difference in the lives of my neighbors in Northport as part of the Northport Fire Department.  And I will continue to try to make a difference in trying to help instill the love of drama in just one more young person.  No, I may never again be in the papers (or host the weather for that matter), but that's really not what its about or why I do any of this.  To be relative, I have to act relative and try to make a difference every day.  No matter if it's not good enough for anyone else but me.

And as I voice these thoughts, I'm glad to say I'm back on my bike and training almost every day in order to be in shape for my next assignment as part of the Northport Rescue Bike Squad - you never know when my being able to pedal fast might help someone in need!  And if all goes well, I will start EMT-B classes in September!

So Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road!

Oh, and for a little dessert after reading all of this about being relative, here is a clip of a song called "All or Nothing" from the band Theory of a Deadman. Hey, they're not bad for a bunch of Canadians (although the road in the video looks strangely familiar);



TTFN

Start the Change!

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (more commonly known as Mahatma Gandhi) once wrote, "You must be the change you want to see in the world."  Here at Syosset High School we have an event that has been going on for about five years now called Junior Day.  I probably can't do it justice here in one blog entry, you really have to experience it for yourself.  It is truly an emotional day and part of what makes it so special is that the entire them of the day is to "Be the Change", to create change in our community in the way we treat each other by starting the change in our own behaviors. 

The day starts with each adult advisor being given a family of six or seven students, most of whom we are not familiar with and one of the first things we do after ice breaker activities is to complete the following statement, "If you really knew me ......" with the idea of sharing with those in the group what is behind the mask that we put on every day.  While I am not at liberty to share what my kids shared I can speak about my own story.

What I shared with everyone is the fact that I go throughout my day feeling incredibly lonely.  I guess that's why I'm so sensitive to what went on with my daughter Sarah in her 5th and first part of 6th grade year.  She felt as if she had no friends, she was never invited to birthday parties and she had a miserable experience feeling as if she was alone.  What made me so sensitive to that fact was that I feel the same way and have for many years. 

Now, much of this is my own fault because I get so focused on what I'm doing at work that I get blinders on and I don't take the time I should to socialize with my colleagues.  I'm friendly with many of my fellow teachers in the building but aside from Peter Haughwout, Damon Tomolino and one or two others, there aren't that many I could just go and have a beer with.  I've gone riding with Dave Steinberg and have done field trips with others but aside from Pete there aren't any whose houses I've gone to or who have been to my house.  The truth is I don't really have any friends, only acquaintances and that realization just makes me lonelier and lonelier.  I have almost 1300 facebook friends (many of them former students, people I went to high school in Germany with, people I've known from the various summer camps where I've worked, people I've directed in Long Island productions) and over 1200 likes on my facebook page but no close friends.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not about to turn this into a pity party for one so you can keep reading;

(Should I RSVP for my own party?)

I didn't start to talk about being lonely but that's what ended up happening.  In talking to the kids I realized that my feelings of loneliness are because of a pattern I created in myself, a pattern that I was born into.  For those of you who have read my blog before, you know that I've spoken in the past about being an "Army Brat" and that for my entire life my father was a career soldier.  As a matter of fact, there is even a poem entitled "I Am a Military Brat" that was written in 1975 by Deborah W. Giusti;

I am an Army Brat. My hometown is nowhere, my friends are everywhere, and if I haven't been someplace yesterday, I am sure to go there tomorrow. I grew up with bugle calls and artillery salutes and the knowledge that home is where the heart is and the family--with no dependence on the dwelling.


Mobility is my way of life. I have found security and happiness in motels and guest houses, in duplexes and apartments around the world. Some would wonder about my roots, yet they are as deep and strong as the mighty oak's. I sink them quickly, absorbing all an area offers and hopefully giving enrichment in return.


Like all Army dependents, I can say "Hello," "Good-bye," and count to 20 in five languages. I can tell of the shores of Maine, the marketplaces of Mexico, the Buddhas of Japan; and my knickknack shelves look like those of an import shop, for my memories span the globe.

Travel has taught me to be open. By age nine I had seen more of the world than most people do in a lifetime; I had touched many and allowed their cultures to touch me. Shaking hands with the universe, I found a brotherhood in all men.

Just as there is joy in meeting, so is there pain in parting; and although practice makes perfect, there is no way to perfect "Good-bye." Farewells are never easy. Yet, even in sorrow comes strength and an ability to face tomorrow with anticipation. And if when I leave one place I feel that half my world has been left behind, I also know that the other half is still waiting to be met.

As an Army Brat, I go out to others extending hand and heart. Friendships are formed in hours and kept for decades. I will never grow up with someone, but I will mature with many, and the help that I offer today will be returned farther down the road. Be it inevitable that paths part, there is constant hope that they will meet again.

I feel fortunate to live in a society of tradition drawing from the past to enhance the present - where silver baby cups announce life, horse-drawn caissons pronounce death and the living in between is dedicated to the service of God, man and our nation.

Love of country, respect and pride fill my being when Old Glory passes in review. As I stand to honor that flag, so also do I stand to honor all soldiers, most especially to the man whose life created mine -- my father. Because of him I have shared in the rich heritage of Army life.


Now, as Army wife and mother, I have passed on that legacy to my children. I wish for them a wealth of experiences and knowledge and love, so that their lives will be blessed as mine, and I pray that one day they will join me in boasting, "I am an Army Brat!"

Though it was written in 1975 many of the sentiments still echo the reality of military brats today.  However, unlike some other Army Brats my friendships didn't last for decades and I now find myself without the friends of my childhood.  So part of my story to these high school juniors was to hold onto those friendships that they have now with those that know them so well and that have grown up with them over the years.  Hold fast to the memories and the connections or you could end up like me - plenty of acquaintances, but no real friends.  I am just fortunate that my patient wife is also my best friend, yet it would be nice to have others to rely on in times of stress and hardship.

And yet, I have begun the process of "Starting the change" this year.  Amy and I have reconnected with our Texas friends Pat, Stephen, Marci, Laurelle and James.  It is my most sincere hope that we can keep this reconnection going and not let it fizzle out like far too many of my friendships have done.

After lunch we came back and spoke together a bit but then we participated in an activity called "crossing the line" in which a series of statement were read and if they applied to us we were to leave the group of 200+ gathered there and cross a line then turn around and face those left standing.  This is always a very revealing moment as we are all asked to honestly respond and bare our faults and insecurities.  The idea is not to make us targets but to show that we all share some of the same secrets and fears but we pass each other every day not knowing that someone else shares our feelings, hopes, fears and insecurites.  Comments like, "I don't like what I see in the mirror", "I don't feel as though I am a good person", "I have tried or have thought about hurting myself", "I have been hurt by someone close to me", "I have had an eating disorder" and so many others.  Most of which I found myself crossing the line for.   And in my head I'm thinking, "with all of this wrong with me, that's why I don't have any friends".

Again, this is not a pity party but I have bared my soul enough on this blog that I hope you, my reader will understand.  At the end of the day we were to write letters to people and say things to them that we felt needed to be said.  I wrote two, one to a colleague and one to my best friend - Amy.  These could be letters we delivered or didn't deliver - the important thing is that the feelings were to be expressed, even if not shared.  I did receive two letters from some of my ACT kids speaking of how much I mean to them and how much they look up to me which made me cry but of course I don't feel deserving of their accolades.

But the point of all of this is that I have to start the change within myself and keep on trying to keep up with the change, not forget to be an active part of this.  So, Pat, Stephen, Marci, Laurelle, James, Pete and others - you're on warning because you're my friends and I'm not letting you go!

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CYCLING??????  What does this have to do with Connor's Army?

Well, just as some of the most famous people in our history have been inspired by the bicycle (look back at the top for Mahatma Gandhi enjoying a spin), for instance Albert Einstein;

Ernest Hemmingway;

The Beatles;

and The Muppets;

I too have been inspired while riding my bike to school and back in the rain yesterday.  You see, while riding back at about 4ish in the afternoon I found it was already dark due to a little thing we like to curse call pain in my ass daylight savings time.  What started as a gentle drizzle soon became a constant, driving and very cold rain.  That coupled with the lack of visibility made me a bit nervous but I had to red lights blinking away on the back and a white one blinking away on the front and I was wearing a reflective rain jacket - I figured I was pretty safe.  And I was until the idiot on Pulaski decided to buzz me and pass me only a foot away - his side mirror nearly clocked me!

It was while enjoying the adrenaline rush of that particular moment that I had one of those "Eureka" moments (and for the record, I'm not talking about the town on the Northwest coast of California or an alloy of copper and nickel with a high electrical resistance) in which I realized that I have already started the change that needs to happen within me for the cross country ride.  The last four or five times that it has been predicted to rain I've been riding to start getting myself used to riding in any adverse condition.  When I'm halfway across Kansas I can't just decide not to ride becuase of weather - I have to change the way I think about what is "good" riding weather.  So what if it looks like this;

or even this;

I need to just suck it up and do it - because there will be eight kids fighting cancer who don't understand how I could just give up and not pedal because of rain or wind.  And going forward I can't let weather deter me - I have to start the change!

And I'm going to make more of a concerted effort to stay in contact with my friends and to try to make friends out of acquaintances at school.  It won't be easy but I hope that I can by starting to take more time to talk to them and get out of my office and be with people rather than holed up in my Theatrical Lair (its kind of like a Bat Cave but without the flying rodents, high tech gadgetry, a butler, or cool caped costumes).  Again, I have to start the change!

And lastly, now that so many people are liking the Connor's Army Facebook Page I have to start being more aggressive (read that to be more shameless) about approaching sponsors.  I have to follow up on leads and offers of help so that we can attract and secure the kind of sponsorships we need and the kind of fundraising we need to get this $50,000 raised.  So if you get multiple messages from me about donating, please don't think I'm being a pain in the ass pest, just know that I have to start channeling all this positive energy for Connor's Army into really making a change in the lives of eight young people - I have to start the change!

BUT I NEED YOUR HELP DEAR READER to make this happen!  Please, if you are reading this and you know people who might be interested in helping us, spread the word!  Help us start a change in a young person's life that could have positive consequences the likes of which we'll never know but that will have such an impact on that young person's future!  Join with me and together we can start the change!  Invite your friends, family, other facebook groups.  Ask your boss if your company can sponsor us.  Repost the link to the Sunrise Donations Page where people can give to help these kids.  Let's together change the world, eight people at a time!

And now, becuase I haven't given you a song in a while something that as a group we shouldn't do but its a great song nonetheless and I like John Mayer's cover of it - "Waiting for the World to Change";

	John Mayer - Waiting For The World To Change .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Stay well and I'll see you on the road in rain, sleet, snow, and maybe the dead of night!