Relative is as Relative Does

I have had a long association with the movie Forrest Gump.  When it first came out I think I saw it three times.  Then way back when Amy and I were "single" (which is what we call the period before we had children) we used to go away for our yearly "honeymoon" which basically meant we would take a brief vacation with just the two of us  to celebrate our anniversary.  On our second "honeymoon" - well, technically the third since Ireland was the first and Cape May was the second - we travelled to Savannah, GA to exhilerate in the Old South charm of the city that provided us settings for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and JFK among so many others.  Also the birthplace of Johnny Mercer of "Moon River" fame.  And since I had in the not so distant past performed for nine months with Andy Williams in the "Moon River Theatre" it was pretty cool to make that connection.

But the connection we really had to make was sitting on the bench in the spot where they filmed the bench scenes for Forrest Gump.  I'm sorry to say that I don't have the digital photos to share since we don't have on file anything before 1999 but use your imagination and imagine me where Forrest is sitting above.  Of course, when it comes to the movie, I guess the character I would most resemble is Lieutenant Dan (a.k.a., Gary Sinise below with his Lieutenant Dan Band)

(Gary Sinise)

(Not Gary Sinise)

As a matter of fact, that's what a lot of my ACT students used to call me when I first started teaching at Syosset High School.  Since the movie had only come out in 1994, it was still fresh in their minds.  Especially this scene;



Now where was I?  Oh yes, Relativity.  I'm not necessary speaking of the Theory of Relativity (not to be confused with Theory of a Deadman - a Canadian rock band) which as we know was developed by cyclist Albert Einstein while on a cycling jaunt;

(Let's see if I divide how fast I'm going by the number of wheel revolutions.....)

Nope, I'm talking about the feeling we all get when we accomplish something we've been planning for so long and then it happens and you're left with that feeling of "Now what?"  That feeling of wanting to still be relevant.  I've written about it in the past, in fact on numerous occasions. 

And I'm not alone in this feeling.  Recently I was speaking to a long time suporter of Connor's Army who runs a few philanthropic activities of her own.  I won't mention her name her in order to protect her anonymity (but you know who you are) and she was relating how frustrating it feels to do so much work and not reach the goal she had reached for herself.  I certainly do understand.  I had set a goal for myself of raising $50,000 last summer - the goal of trying to send ten campers to Sunrise Day Camp.  We only reached half of the amount when all was said and done.  And I have been feeling so incredibly adrift for the year since we got back because I felt like my family and I worked so hard and sacrificed so much (both financially, physically and emotionally) and now its as if we never did it.  No one remembers what we've done or appreciates any longer what a normal American family did just becuase it was a good thing to do. 

And then there have been the last three weeks at Sunrise Day Camp.  This past week alone have been an amazingly rejuvenating experience as I have been reminded daily of why my family and I gave up our summer, why I risked completely rupturing the disc in my back, why we risked out healthy pedalling in 115+ heat.  I have seen the joy in the faces of the kids that are attending the camp.  I'll never know which kids have been able to have the experience of Sunrise because of my efforts but these past three weeks have been a daily reaffirmation of why my fundraising makes a difference and continues to be relevant.  Moments such as seeing the looks of complete joy when the campers got the chance to experience the carnival with all the bouncy rides during the second week of camp.  I realized that except for the fundraising I and others had done, some of these campers would never experience that kid of joy.  Yes, here on Long Island we get spoiled by all the parties at Pump it Up and other establishments.  But for many of our campers who come from a more urban environment, this was the first time they had ever had the chance to do this sort of thing.  And there will be many more such experiences this summer.

And then there are the things the kids have said to me over the last three weeks.  The first week, five or six campers thanked me for what I did last summer.  Then the second week I was sitting at lunch with some campers from the Leadership group and one of the campers said to me, "I want to thank you becuase you've really inspired me.  I want to do something to make a difference."  As I simultaneously tried to hold back the tears and not choke on my sandwich I had enough blood flow in my brain to be truly thankful for that moment.  Becuase if there was one kid who was brave (and self aware) enough to voice that thought, there are probably more who are having the same thought and just haven't said anything.  And that made me feel definitely relevant.

And then this past week we suffered through and incredibly heat wave.  It wasn't like what my family and I went through in middle America last summer but it was hot and it was stiffling and it was hard on these campers.  And yet, one of the campers came up to me on Thursday and said, "We have drama with you today, I'm so excited!".  Now normally that wouldn't be such a big deal.  Except for the fact that this girl is one that I've known for three years now and who hardly ever cracks a smile. when she sees me.  Yet this time she was smiling and saying how much she was looking forward to doing drama with me!  Now that is certainly relevant and was just the reminder I needed that what I do at Sunrise matters to someone.

So yes, I will still continue to try my best to make a difference in the lives of others, particularly those fighting their individual battles with cancer.  And I will now also get the chance to help make a difference in the lives of my neighbors in Northport as part of the Northport Fire Department.  And I will continue to try to make a difference in trying to help instill the love of drama in just one more young person.  No, I may never again be in the papers (or host the weather for that matter), but that's really not what its about or why I do any of this.  To be relative, I have to act relative and try to make a difference every day.  No matter if it's not good enough for anyone else but me.

And as I voice these thoughts, I'm glad to say I'm back on my bike and training almost every day in order to be in shape for my next assignment as part of the Northport Rescue Bike Squad - you never know when my being able to pedal fast might help someone in need!  And if all goes well, I will start EMT-B classes in September!

So Stay well my friends and I'll see you on the road!

Oh, and for a little dessert after reading all of this about being relative, here is a clip of a song called "All or Nothing" from the band Theory of a Deadman. Hey, they're not bad for a bunch of Canadians (although the road in the video looks strangely familiar);



TTFN

A Year in the Life!

 

 

Back in the mid-80's there was a TV miniseries called A Year in the Life which followed the various members of the Gardner family of Seattle during the course of one year. The major event of that year was the sudden and unexpected death of wife and mother Ruth Gardner.  Now I can't say I personally ever watched the show because I was at teh time an "older than average" student (I was 23 and a sophomore) trying to get myself back into the academic swing.  I was totally out of it, in the six years since I had graduated from C.E. Ellison I had accumulated an A.A. in Communications and had completed an acting course at the National Shakespeare Conservatory but getting back into the academic grind, plust tring to keep up with the demands of being a dance performance major, plus working a part-time job to pay the bills didn't really leave me with a lot of TV watching time.  I did have some house mates who were into the show and they seemed to really get into the trials and tribulations of this Seattle family.

 

But what does all of this have to do with me, you faithful (and sometimes happenstance) readers and Connor's Army?  A year ago today my family and I dipped our rear wheels in the Pacific Ocean, pointed our bikes eastward and began the first of 46 days of pedaling across America in the hopes of raising money to send as many campers as we could to Sunrise Day Camp.  It was midway through the seven miles of an average gradient of 6% climb that I wondered whether I was going to make it the next 3,000 + miles.  That first day I lost contact with the support team (my family) on the way to Pine Valley adn I was really thinking I might have bitten off more than I could chew - that I would let down the camp, my family and myself.  I won't go into all the details of what kept me motivated to go in this post - those of you who have followed us know the answer to that and those of you who don't know what would motivate a family of five to spend the summer slowly traversing the country stuffed into a mini van are welcoe to read all the other entries at www.connorsarmy.blogspot.com.  I sometimes go back and read those pre-ride entries and realize that I had no freaking clue what I was getting myself into.

 

On that very first day a year ago I was slapped in the face with the cold (or rather really, really, really hot) reality of what was happening.  Although that first ride was only 45 milesit was a wake up call that this was not going to be easy.  It was exhilirating and exhausting all at that same time.  During the summer that would follow I would have days when I wanted to throw my bike down and give up; where I would find road companions and experience a moment that was so incredibly special it is indelibly etched in my mind.  I learned so much about my children , had some incrediblye bonding moments with them and truly learned that without my wife I would be nothing.  Her love and supported sustained me across the deserts, the mountains, the prairies and the scary state that is New Jersey.  I will never be able to express to her how much I am grateful to her for all she has done for me.

And now a year later it all seems like a dream.  Not a day goes by when I don't have a flashback of some amazing sight I saw along the 3713 miles of my journey.  Some I was able to record on video;

while others are forever installed in my brain like the view from the top of Mesa Verda or the view from the Blueridge Parkway;

I won't lie, I really wish I was on my bike again.  For two years I had a purpose, a goal, a reason to gete on my bike and log the miles in all kinds of weather.  I was pedaling for those who couldn't - the adults, the kids, those for whom cancer was a personaly enemey, not just an abstract word with negative connotations.  Their stories and faces are what drove me to continue to push through the pain and through the discomfort because it was nothing compared to what they were going through.  But as I've written in the past we're now a year away from that life-changing experience and I've been feeling adrift every since we returned.

Yes, there was the horror of what we found as we came back and we threw ourselves into getting ourselves back into "civilian" mode.  But now it's a year later and we have found ourselves slouching back into the old familiar dance.  The year at Syosset was full of ups and downs as the program continues to grow but the casting conflicts once agan created division in the ranks and left me feeling battered, loathed and unappreciated.  A huge let down after feelign I had made a real difference in the world last summer.

In an endeavor to continue making a difference I joined the Northport Fire Department this past December.  It's something I've been wanting to do for a very long time because of various emergencies that have happened in our lives.  I never want to ever be in a situation again where its an emergency and I don't know what to do or how I can help.  Of course, I had to wait until I finished my Master's and until the Ride Across America was finished.  In the six months since I started I've been on many rescue squad calls, I've been trained to drive the ambulance, I've been CPR/AED certified, I've been taught what to do during Rapid Interventioin Training and Spinal Chord Injuury in an Aquatic Environment, I've learned to take vitals and so much more.  I feel proud knowing I can help those people in Northport who are in need.  I haven't yet started my official EMT-B training but that will start at the beginning of September if all works out.  I've already starting working as part of the EMT Bike Rescue Squad and I really can't wait to combine my passion for cycling with my desire to help others.

And we had a real scare this year with William which really brought last summer's journey into a personal perspective when it was discovered he had a tumor on his shoulder blade.  It was benign but he still needed to have surger to reomove it which necessitated scooping out th ebone.  He is completely out of th ewoods now but there was about a month there where we were frightened to death.  We know there was only a small chance he was malignant but because of our experience with cancer (both personal and Sunrise) that small chance loomed overhead like a glistening guillotine of doom.  But he's been cleared now and all the subsequent check ups have been clean.  We're still slightly holding our breaths but breathing much easier when we do.

And there was the loss of our dear Lily cat.  As much as she could be weird and finicky about eating and pooping, she truly became part of our family, particularly during this last year.  When we came home in August she seemed to be so happy to see us.  It took a few days for her to realize we were really home for good and once she accepted the fact that we weren't leaving again, she really became so much more affectionate.  Once December came and I was on call once a week I amde a practice of sleeping on the couch so Amy wouldn't be awakened by the beeper going off.  And Lily made it HER practice from that first night to always sleep on my stomach or chest.  Sometimes it was maddening as she would hope off and on throughout the night giving me little rest.  But it became something that was comforting to me when on call.

At the end of February she started taking a turn for the worse and Amy took her in to the vet numerous times.  She was never the healthiest of cats from the day we brought her home and as she was a rescue cat we were never sure exactly how old she was.  We tried various vets and various treatments over the years but we were never able to exactly pinpoint her exact condition.  She was always thin and small for her age but around April 20th she stopped eating periodically.  We were used to this in her and we changed her cat food which worked for a while.  But then around May 2nd she stopped eating altogether and not even drinking much water either.  At that point we knew that we would have a very difficult decision to make very soon.  On Saturday the 4th she was in pretty bad shape.  We knew the vet was closed for the weekend and we knew that Monday we were going to have to take her in to have her put to sleep.  We didn't want to wait too long as we had with Boo so we would call the vet first thing.

 

On Sunday she was so weak she could hardly stand at all and when she walked she would list to the side and occasioinal fall over.  We knew the end was near.  We weren't even sure if she would last the night.  I wasn't on call that night but I slept on the couch just so she wouldn't be alone in case she passed in the night.  I cradled her on my chest all night so I could feel her breathing.  I dozed off sometime around 2:00 in the morning and when I woke up at 6:00 she was still wtih us.  I left for school and Amy called the vet the first thng and made an appointment to bring her in.  They told her 11:00 was the first time they could fit Lily in so Amy picked up the kids from school so they could go and say their last goodbyes.  They waited with ehr in the waiting room and petted her, told her how much they loved her and then said goodbye as the assistant came in to take her in.  The vet came back moments later to say Lily had already passed, most likely while in the waiting room.  It helped the kids to know she passed on her own, probably while being petted and knowing she was loved.

 

A few days later we had a funeral for her and buried her under the dogwood tree in the front yard.  We each wrote a list of things we loved about Lily and shared them with each other before puttin gthe lists in with her and covering her with dirt.  The kids were really broken up (as we all were) but we were also happy to know she was no longer in pain.  We lost a member of our family, the first pet the kids can really, truly remember but we were so glad that she passed knowing she was loved and cherished.  And here is a photo of one of the ways we will always remember our lovable, quirky little Lily cat, drinking out of any glass we happened to leave on the table;

 

 

 

The year was full of other ups and downs - a winning baseball season for the boys (their first ever), outstanding NYSSMA scores for Sarah and James, surviving Sandy, more car troubles than I can really enumerate in this post, a great prom weekend with Amy in the city, Sarah moving up to High School, me turning FIFTY (shhhhh!) - but through it all we've been a family.  I'm still grateful to Amy every minute of every day for the love and suport she gives me in all my misadventured piteous overthrow, for beign the incredible mother to our childeren and for being such an amazing role model.  If the year has taught me anything, it taught me that I would be nothing without her.  I kmw I am one of the luckiest people in the world becausd of my wife and children and I would not "trade my state for that of kings".  Shakespear's Sonnet 29 has long been one of my favorites but until this year I haven't really been able to appreciate these words;

 

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

 

Now when I look at my wife and children I truly get it.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I still feel restless and irrelevant and unusre of what to do next with my life and with Connor's Army.  I still RECycle for Sunrise adn I am still searching for ways to use my bicycle to help the cancer community, particularly the one on Long Island.  But as I spend this summer at Sunrise, reminiscing (and longing to repeat) that trip across America I'm still searching for the next purpose.  It seems in today's world with instant access to everything on the internet that relevance is only as current as what you've done lately.  Right now I'm looking for that next moment of relevance, that next way that I can make a differenc.  Any ideas?  Ti's charity to shew.

 

Stay well my friends and I'm hoping to see you back on the road.

Straddling the Great Divide!

I'm 50 years old.  There, I said it.  I've been in denial for far too long.  And it's not denial of this sort;

No, I've been holding back from admitting it for far too long and it feels good to finally get it off my chest.  I feel like I've joined the ranks of FA (Fifty-somethings Anonymous) rather than the dubious fraternity of Alpha Alpha Rho Pi.  I mean, my birth certificate says I'm 50 and my driver's license says I'm 50.  However the mirror - most of the time - doesn't show me 50 (I still have almost all of my hair, not much grey, I can still bend over and touch the floor and do the splits) and I certainly don't feel 50.  My wife likes to say that I'm still a 17-year-od boy (and not always in a good way) and some might accuse me of having a case of Peter Pan syndrome.  But the truth of the matter is that I really don't feel my age - especially when I compare myself to most other 50-something men I know.

But there are those moments when I realize I am straddling the great divide.  Not like I did last summer;

when I reached the top of Wolf Creek Pass, nor is it quite like the great Colossus of Rhodes we see pictured above.  But I AM now at the halfway point of my life.  As I fully intend to live at least 100 years this is it, just as the song says, "halftime goes by, suddenly you're wise";



To ease me into the midway point of my life wew celebrated my birthday WEEKEND with not just one day of having fun, but FOUR days of fun.  It started with me conducting "God Bless America" with the Ocean Avenue 4th and 5th graders at the Long Island Ducks Friday night.  It was rainy and completely dreary so we decided to skip the beginning of the game (we actually were watching it online until we knew the third inning started) so we timed it to get there at the bottom of the fifth inning.  There were only about 300 in attendance and it was cold but William and James had a great time and the small group of kids sounded great! 

On Saturday it was pouring so I couldn't go out for a ride.  So instead the family and I continued to "get our geek on" and watched two and a half Star Trek movies - last half of The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home, and The Final Frontier! Oh, and we managed to squeeze in an epic game of Risk!  The end result was that I was the Supreme Ruler of the World.  Too bad Amy still doesn't recognize that fact.

Sunday was a rather incredible day as it began with a snuggle in bed with one of the Connor progeny and the other making Challa bread French Toast for us in the kitchen.  In the afternoon I was able to engage in my yearly ritual - riding one mile for every year of my existence!  This time I did the 50 miles in LESS THAN THREE HOURS - How's that for a guy whose life is half way over?!?!  After cleaning up we got to watch some more Star Trek with the whole family (The Undiscovered Country) and I finally got to watch the first Lord of the Rings movie with Sarah.  Of course the ultimate irony was that a call came in and since I hadn't gone on any all weekend I decided I should go.  I only wish we could have fit in a game of D&D to totally get my 17-year-old geek on but that would require a dungeon master, which we didn't have at hand.

And then there was today!  The great climactic day of my full weekend celebration.  Due to various scheduling problems (it is Memorial Day weekend) we weren't able to have a party here this weekend so the entire Village of Northport threw me a party instead.  Okay, not really but today is Memorial Day and it IS my birthday and there is a parade!  As a member of the Northport Fire Department I get the honor and priviledge of marching in the various parades.  So I dressed up today in my Class A uniform and headed down to the station.  I was one of the lucky few who got to ride up onto the staging area on 2-9-2 which is our 1938 Mack pumper truck.  We got to ride on the running board holding on to the rails just like they did in the days of yore and we waved to the kids on the street.  It was such a great way to start the day!

When we were getting ready to march one of the chiefs told me to take one of the flags so it ended up that I had the honor of being one of two people who led the fire departement down Main street to the town park for the parade.  I was leading with Will Scherr (another probie) and it was high school all over again.  You see, Will is about six inches taller than me and it brought to mind memories of Ed Trevorrow and I playing the sousaphone together in the marching band.  Ed was also six inches taller than me - at least this way with Will being taller the American flag was taller than the Village of Northport flag - as it should be. 

So I marched the parade with the honor of leading the department and as I marched I pretended all the cheers were for me in honor of my birthday.  Then, as a flag beareer I was part of th ecolor guard that stood up in fornt of the whole village at the town park as part of the Memorial Day observance.  It was really a great feeling to represent my department, my village and my country in such a huge undertaking.

Then it was time to party!!!  The NFD threw a big bar-b-que for the department members and their families back at the station so as soon as I started walking back I called the family and told them to meet me.  For some reason it was taking a long time for them to get there so I decided to go ahead and start eating and so I sat down and bonded with some of the more senior members of the department.  Finally Amy and the kids showed up and after the kids had something to eat Amy disappeared - that should have been my second clue.  I turned around and Amy was bringing out a huge sheet cake and she got everyone to start singing "Happy Birthday" - if I wasn't sure if people knew it was my birthday before, they sure knew it now!!!!  Apparently she had cleared it with the chiefs before hand and that's why she was late - they had to pick up the cake at Stop and Shop!  If my fellow members didn't know I was a member of AARP before, they do now!  And you know what?  I'm okay with that now.  I don't look my age, I don't feel my age, and once again Amy will tell you I don't act my age.

And then there was birthday dinner.  Despite the fact I had consumed hamburgers, the plan was to go to Smokaburger for dinner.  However as we were parked outside we thought, "what about 5 Guys?"  So, after the long trek to 5 Guys we get in and realize there was nothing for Sarah to eat.  So we pile back in the car and head back to Smokaburger. While there we realize we should just get it to go so we could watch yet another Star Trek, The Final Frontier.  So we get it to go and becuase we were so starved we ended up with a veritable Smokaburger Smorgasborg, i.e., too much food!  But before dessert (more cake) I got some of the best presents I've ever received from my wonderful family.  From the kids I received the lego Ambulance and bicycle set to commemorate the accident that ended my last Gold Coast attempt..  For those of you unfamiliar with your Lego Encyclopedia it looks like this;

Now whether I'm supposed to be the guy on the bike or the EMT I'm not sure.  But we did discover that I can put the EMT on the bike and I can be part of the bike patrol!  And my lovely bride gave me my very own blue light (yes, folks I am a K-Mart special) for going on calls.  It really isn't something I need most of the time but it will be very helpful when I need to get to Station 1 at night and people are moving slowly.  So my gifts were really all about being an EMS provider, now to go on some calls!

But the kids' gift reminded me of a very important aspect - to keep being a kid.  But maybe that's okay.  In the days leading up to this weekend I was feeling sort of depressd that we weren't having a 50th birthday party (a long sotry - another blog entry in itself) and I was feeling fatalistic about the big 5-0 (and it wasn't even the Hawaiin variety).  Of course the fatalism may just be the Irish in me;

I've also been reading (and sometimes reciting) "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" which has been one of my favorite pieces of poetry since I was 22-years-old yet I never really "got" it until now.  Of course, I'm not sure anyone ever gets all of T.S. Eliots seminal work but now after almost 30 years I sort of get it.  Really.  There are those days when I particularly feel the line "I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled...."  I think especially after 8700 miles on the bike in the last year my legs and spine definitely feel shorter.  And yes, there are times when in my dreams I do hear "the mermaids singing each to each".  And I do have those moments when I regret the things I have not done and the dreams I did not follow.  But I'm also in a very good place right now and I have a really good life and an amazing family.  I have the next half of my life to make up for not being as good a father/husband as I should have been the first.

I guess the main hting is that I still feel young(ish).  Part of that I attribute to mykids - they keep me young as I try to keep up with them.  They remind me of what my life is supposed to be about.  It's not always easy to remember but I am trying.  As long as I can try to stay young at heart, I'm hoping to stay young(er) in body.  As someone once said, you do have to grow older, but you don't have to grow up.  So if I'm going to live another 50 years, I guess this begins my second childhood.  Now where's the cheerios?!?

Stay well all of you - I'll see you on the road (fortunately this time around without training wheels).

One of Our Own

This past Wednesday dawned way too early as we got all the kids up, dressed and fed.  It wasn't the simple fact that it was 5:30 in the morning, nor the fact that I had been on call with the Northport Fire Department last night (one call at 12:00 so that wasn't too bad) and had slept on the couch.

Instead, I think it had much to do with the fact that Amy and I didn't get much sleep over the last two nights as we were waiting for January 30th to roll around.  No, its not an anniversary of any particular event in our lives, rather it was the day that we would be taking our beautiful little boy in to Stonybrook Hospital to have the tumor removed from his shoulder blade.  None of us had really slept well for quite a few nights worried about what might happen.  William would get up a few times a night not really sure why but it was clear he was more anxious than his nine-year-old brain could rationalize.  Amy and I weren't able to sleep for the simple reason that this was OUR little boy.

Those of you who followed our Connor's Army Ride Across America (or CARAAM for short) know that we were riding for the children of Sunrise Day Camp and with the combined efforts of our entire family Connor's Army was able to raise $25,000 for the camp (by the way, if you're reading this its still not to late to donate, all you have to do is click here for more information) and send four kids to a life changing summer experience. 

What many of you may not know is how much my children invested themselves in this mission to help the kids of Sunrise.  It wasn't just giving up their summer to ride in a van and support their insane summer.  Wherever we went they were the embassadors and PR crew par excellence.  All it took was for Amy or I to engage in a conversation with someone about what we were doing for the summer, one of the kids would come up and hand them a CARAAM brochure and talk about it too.  And more often than not it was William who was being the PR rep.

The kids also had a goal this summer of riding along with me and also contributing to the effort to help the kids of Sunrise by doing a small percentage of what daddy was doing.  Sarah's goal was 10% or 400 miles.  The boys on their little 20" bikes were going to have a harder time of it and couldn't really handle steep hills so they could only join me when the going was relatively flat so they made a goal of 100 miles - 1/4 of Sarah's goal.  They would pedal along as fast as they could move their legs and any time the terrain sloped upwards William seemed to feel it the most.  But he was determined that he would get his miles in.  He was the one that was the most raring to go and even now when the weather is 20 degrees outside he wants to go on a bike ride with daddy.  He loves it and that's why he was so devastated when during our day of riding from Mount Vernon to Alexandria on the Mount Vernon Trail he pooped out and couldn't finish.  Amy had to pick him up and take him along and for the next week he would continue to fret about not being able to finish his miles, not being able to get his 100.  So during our layover in Swedesboro we made it a point to go on a ride so he could be even with James. 

My son is a fighter and yet he is one of the most empathic little boys you'll ever meet.  He was so into helping the kids fighting cancer and when we met Elijah Dalton he immediately bonded with him and they began playing as if they were old friends.  He understands that children who are sick are just like he and his brother, it doesn't matter if they have no hair or if they have other physical things going on.  And he just wants then to feel better.  That's why this week has been so hard.

You see, over the summer William, Sarah and James were spending lots of time in the pool.  We always tried to stay places where they could swim so we could make sure they got some exercise.  With all that time shirtless we became aware that William had a lump small lump on his left shoulder blade that didn't match the lump on his right.  We kept an eye on it and it didn't seem to hurt him.  But over the course of the summer we noticed it was getting larger.  It felt hard to the touch so we new it wasn't cartiledge or soft tissue but we had no idea what it was.  We returned to Northport and it still wasn't hurting him so we just kept an eye on it.

In October we noticed it was about three times the size it had been in July so we decided to take him to get it checked out.  His pediatrician suggested we go to a specialist and that would suggested another.  To make a long story short, after a lot of testing (MRI, Xray, and others) they couldn't decide conclusively what it was but the best guess they had was that it was an osteochondroma.   And it looked something like this - PLEASE NOTE, WILLIAMS' WAS NOWHERE NEAR THIS SIZE! It was perhaps 1/4 the size of this one.  I only show this picture because for some stupid reason we never took a picture of William's and this one is roughly in exactly the same place.

However, after all the testing they weren't 100% certain.  They also said that although they were reasonably sure that it was benign, it would continue to grow as he grew and if it did it could end up matasticizing at some point.  It was at that point Amy and I both said "take it out".  If there was to be any chance at all that William's growth could become full-blown cancerous we wanted it gone.  Added to that is the fact that most osteochondromas tend to be found at the end of growth plates on long bones and this one was in a scapula, not in soft tissue so the doctors are completely sure.  All William knew was that he had a tumor and he was going to have an operation which is what I think led to all the sleepless nights.

So on Wednesday Amy took William to Stony Brook Hospital and I dropped James off at intramurals at 7:00 and then I headed off to join them.  We didn't have a lot of time with him before he went in and then it was time to decide who would be with him as he dropped off to sleep from the anesthesia.  Of course mama won out and she sang him one of his favorite lullabies from when he was little;



Finally, a little after 9:00 they came out to tell us that the surgery had begun.  Now it was just the waiting.  We posted on facebook, caught up with e-mails and generally tried to think positive, healing thoughts and direct all our energy towards our brave little boy.  Finally Dr. Kahn met with us and told us that he got it all, it looked clean, he was 98% sure it was benign but that we would have to wait for two weeks until the pathology came in to be certain.

When they finally let us in to see him it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears.   From all the calls I have gone on with the Northport Fire Department I'm fairly used to seeing folks in hospital beds.  A lot of the time I help put them in there.  But those are full sized adults and they're not my little boy.  As I saw him there on his side with the IV dripping out and surrounded by rolled up blankets to keep him from rolling on to his back I felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do.  Because I know my way around the beds I could adjust them and I knew what the SPO2 meant and how to interpret it.  It made me feel like I was doing something useful.

William was in a lot of pain and it tore me up to not be able to make him feel better at all.  The nurses all fell in love with him and his pink streaked hair (which he explained was for Valentine's Day - see it up top) and he charmed them all.  His nurse kept giving him a small dosage of pain reliever every five minutes but finally she had to give him an oral as that wasn't helping.  Small wonder since the doctor's basically scooped out the bone.  Finally we were able to take him home.

William has spent the last two days at home in his pajamas with mama, watching videos and resting.  He still wakes quite often in the night because of the pain and we have to give him doses of Tylenol with Coddeine which only last about three hours.  But he is healing and he is getting better thanks to all the prayers and thoughts of our family and friends.  But I'm still feeling helpless to do something for our little boy so I have to ride.  After a summer spent riding for the children of Sunrise with my own children its now time to ride for one of my own, my little William.

So when I rolled into Syosset High School this morning, this is what the Weather.com listed as the current conditions.

 

Was I freezing?  Definitely.  Was the wind blowing faster than I could pedal?  Roger that.  But all the pain and cold I felt today was nothing compared to the pain my little boy is feeling in his bones.  So I ducked my head and just kept pedaling.  And if I was hoping for a killer tailwind to help me on the way back that would be a big negatory - I had it right on my beam the entire time.  But it was all for my boy, my brave, truthful and unselfish real boy.

 

So now I need to finish gluing on the weights for the boys' Pinewood Derby cars and get them set for the weigh-in tomorrow.  William is going to get out of the house for the first time in three days and I can't wait to hear all the stories of how his friends are going to appreciate his being back.

 

And now I leave you with the lullaby I always sang for William when he was a little boy, "New Words" by Maury Yeston from the musical In the Beginning as sung by Brian Stokes Mitchell, enjoy.

  



Stay Well Y'all, and I will see you on the road - I'm pedaling for William.



Happy Times to Tribune - A Third of the Way!

Miles Ridden Today - 119   Average Miles Per Hour - 16.66

Yesterday was one of the best days so far on the ride.  No, it couldn't compare to any of our days at Grand Canyon.  Nor did it match the day of exuberance I felt when I crossed the Continental Divide.  But it was an incredible day in which I finally got to ride with my daughter and had the chance to make something out of nothing with my family.  Ordway's a lovely little town but there was absolutely nothing to do there except play in the fountain.  As with far too many small towns we've already come across, the downtown area is desolute and you have to wonder what keeps it alive out here miles from the next town.

But we had an amazing time celebrating being together as a family and we watched the food network (once again, "Next Food Network Star" and "Cupcake Wars") before falling asleep in our lovely old-fashioned hotel which was air conditioned.  Of course, as is my habit I was terribly concerned about my bicycle so I chained it up underneath the outside staircase to make sure it didn't dissappear.  I know, I've got too much of an untrusting nature about the bikes but as I've mentioned before, my biggest fear is that someone jacks my bicycle and I'm stuck without a way to finish this ride.

We decided to try something a bit different today and go by the same game plan we followed yesterday which was for me to leave early (to let Sarah sleep) and meet up with Amy later in the morning where Sarah would join me.  The idea was for her to be with me when we cross the Kansas border.   Since I knew I'd have a long ride today I got up at 5:00 am and had a short breakfast of cereal and hard boiled eggs from the local grocery store.  There was no real coffee maker in the room (I did use the small one cup brewer as I was getting ready but it wasn't enough caffeine) so I stopped at a convenience store that was just outside the town where I got a really good cup of dark coffee!  Yeah, that's the ticket!  I also made sure I had plenty of extra water in my bag because as you can see from our route below, there wouldn't be much between Ordway and Tribune, KS! 

As a matter of fact, one of the things that our hostess warned me about was the fact that most cyclists who pass through here tend to not pack enough water;

As you can see, Eastern Colorado is hot, flat, featureless and so much fun to ride!  If I passed five cars in an hour I was lucky and it was great to just ride and watch the sunrise!  Of course, once the sun came up it was a totally different matter.  It was then that I really started feeling the heat and more importantly, the dehydration.  I kept passing things that looked like they should have been towns but were really nothing more than a couple of houses in the same local with miles and miles between them.

Finally, Sarah and the family caught up to me in Eads.  By all indications on the map there was supposed to be a service station and a small convenience/grocery store.  Wrong!!!!!  Once again I found reason to curse the folks who (failed to) update the maps at Adventure Cycling Association.  However, the city park they mention on their maps WAS there and at least it had a port-a-potty that Sarah could use before we headed out on the road.  She was a bit nervous about using it (I couldn't blame her) and while we had our brief reunion the boys suddenly discover a ton of the hugest ants I've ever seen.  As boys are always wont to do, they became fascinated by the little critters until we forced them back into the van.  It was all we could do to keep William from squishing them as if he were a giant destroyer!  I swear to God, my children are Calvin, Hobbes and Suzie! 

But what is so endearing on this trip is even though they get on each others' nerves, they have really done some incredible bonding during this trip and seeing (and hearing) the boys wish Sarah good luck on today's ride was so sweet.  They truly do love each other and although they like to push each other's buttons, we've really seen so many little instances of them caring for each other and supporting each other.  I truly hope we can continue this when we return home.  Of course, on the flip side, the boys were also incredibly jealous I was only riding with Sarah so I have to make sure on the next ride day they get some miles in!

Fortunately, the ride with Sarah today was uneventful.  How could it not be?  We were rolling through some of the flattest country we'll see this entire journey.  She was fascinated by all of the dust devils we passed and it was fun to watch multiple dust devils twirl about in their little naturalistic pas de deux.  Finally, 40 miles later, we reached the Kansas border and since we were so far ahead of Amy and the boys (they had stopped to look at water towers and photograph a few - Amy's new hobby on the road) we stopped in the shade of the sign.  Since it was nearly noon, that wasn't much shade at all.  After about 20 minutes we finally saw the familiar black van with the blue tarp coming our way!  And Sarah and I part at the Kansas border but not until Amy gets a picture of us together.

And once again I was on my own.  I do love riding with Sarah but I find it does slow me down a lot.  My average speed for today's ride was only 16.66 mph because during the 41 miles with Sarah we averaged only about 13 mph.   But on the plus side I have somebody to talk to amidst the monotony of the landscape;



Which I obviously did not have during that video since Sarah had left me at the Kansas border.  Fortunately, I only had 18 miles left to ride.  But what an 18 miles it was!!!  For the first time I actually got a tiny bit of a tail wind and the road was totally and completely flat!  So for 16 of the 18 miles I traveled fairly consistently at 25 mph!  I was flying and it was great, I felt good and even managed to take some video;

So I sped along eastward until I finally reached Tribune, KS the home of the Horace Greeley museum.   Who was Horace Greeley?  Only the founder of the Liberal Republican party.  Of course to me, that just sounds like an oxymoron.  Although Tribune is the county seat of Greeley county there is no indication he ever came to Kansas.  Go figure.

Tonight we are staying at a wonderful little cottage that has been provided for us by our hostess who often provides housing for those traveling on the TransAmerica route.  I'm hoping to change out my chain tomorrow since it's been over 1,000 miles now and my shifting is getting a little wonky. 

But one thing I definitely want to do is relish these moments with my children and my amazing wife.  Yes, there may be many wonderful moments in our future life, but right now we are definitely having the time of our lives.


And today's report;


FFL - 2 Deer, 3 Rabbits, 9 Birds of indeterminate species, 1 Skunk, 8 UFO’s
RRL - Toilet bowl (why do I keep finding these things in Colorado?), one couch

Stay well and I'll update more from the road!

For another perspective on our journey check out Amy's blog at http://www.crosscountrymama.blogspot.com//
To help us get the kids to Sunrise go to https://www.wizevents.com/register/register_add.php?sessid=1809&id=1056
Check out our website at http://www.connorsarmy.org/