Simple Gifts

A long time ago in a place called Southern Methodist University, a young dance major got involved with the SMU Catholic Campus Ministry.  Often, he and a few of his compatriots would dance at various mass services in a style of dance called "Liturgical Dance".  One of the staples of the repetoire as a Liturgical dance "company" was a tune called "Lord of the Dance".  And no, it has nothing to do with this guy:

(Notice Mr. Flateley's heavy use of mascara and orange self-tanning product)

Rather, it was a tune that is based on a much older Shaker hymn.  It sounds like this;

	Alton Thompson / Tao Yuan Symphonic Winds - Traditional USA: Lord of the Dance .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

It still never fails to bring a tear to my eye as I remember what it is about and how the words are all about the divinity of dancing.  It always makes me grateful for the opportunities and the gifts that I have been given in life becuase of dance.  But it in itself was inspired by a much older song, "Simple Gifts"

"Simple Gifts" was written by Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett, Jr. in 1848. It was first published in The Gift to be Simple: Shaker Rituals and Songs. "Simple Gifts" was a work song sung by the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing (more commonly called the Shakers, an offshoot of the Quakers).

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

Refrain:

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come round right

'Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
'Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we'll all live together and we'll all learn to say,

Refrain:

'Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
'Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of "me",
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we'll all live together with a love that is real.

Refrain:

On Thursday night we open our production of Our Town with an incredibly talented cast of young actors.  They have been working amazingly hard and becuase of their efforts and the message of this show I am becoming more grateful each day for what I have been given in life.  I only wish I could hold on to these moments.

At the end of the play Emily asks the narrator, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they life it? -- every, every minute?"  To which the narrator replies, "No.  The saints and poets, maybe -- they do some."  And since we first began rehearsing this play I've been constantly reminded by those words, only the saints and poets really understand.  The rest of us often find ourselves drifting through this river of life trying to stay out of the rapids.

But in working with the actors on this show I've been more aware of what a blessing it is to be surrounded by young people who are so willing to make a difference in the world.  That is why I chose "Simple Gifts" (sans lyrics) as our curtain call song when they make their bows (and I have to here admit that it was my lovely wife Amy's idea) because of the idea of "'Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn".  Althought I am "the teacher" I learn so much about myself as a performer each day and though I long for it with a passion, I'm glad that I at least get to guide others as they create art through theatre and dance.

I've also tried to look at my quest to cycle cross country through the eyes of simplicity.  I have been sending out so many pleas to company and corporations and except for the grant from Smiles for Scott, we haven't received any offers of assistance.  I really, really don't understand this.  If all of those people could only see the difference this camp makes in the life of a child with cancer they would understand my need to give this gift.  I'm not asking for the funding to get a $6,000 carbon road bike, to stay in five star hotels, to rent a tour bus, to equip me in the latest cycling wear.  I'm truly asking for help funding me in getting just the basics (I'm using a fifteen-year-old steel frame that I found in the trash as my transportation on the trip) so we can make this a reality.

So, I know I have 44 followers.  I don't know how many of you read this on a consistent basis but for those of you who do, can you ALL help me with something.  Can EACH of us make the commitment to try to get three more people to sign up as followers?  THEN,   can we ALL make an effort to contact at least TWO businesses with a request that they become sponsors for the Cross Country Ride?  They don't have to sponsor much.  I don't need 88 $5,000 donors.  If we all could get ONE $350 each, that would be enough to make this a reality. 

What do you say?  Can you all help?  We are quickly running out of time to be able to give the simple gift of childhood to these wonderful kids.  I will be back on the bike this week pedaling away but I truly need your help, I really can't do it without you.
I thank you my friends.  I thank you for your support, your love, and the simple gift of your friendship.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.

The Raisin is Drying Up

Last month I wrote about Lanford Wilson's poem "A Raisin in the Sun" and how it related to my life.  The whole idea of a dream deferred and what that would mean to the Connor's Army Cross Country (CAXC) dream.  Then we got the blessing of a sponsor to help us start underwriting the potential costs of the trip.  The folks from Smiles for Scott (http://www.smilesforscott.org/) came forward and offered to help us in our time of need.
Well right now we are at another plateau in our journey, from which I'm not sure we'll be able to move.  We've reached out to people as far away as California and there seems to be no one who is able or willing to step forward and help us any more in this.  We estimate we'll need at least $10,000 more to barely get by and $15,000 to make it a sure thing.

Now, realize my family would be going along as my support team but we would be paying for them out of our own pocket.  But there would still be the costs of a rental van for me and my equipment, hotel/hostel/campground fees for each night, fuel for the vehicle and costs for spare parts that I'll need to take along in case I'm in the middle of nowhere and I need to do repairs.

I am NOT planning on buying any new bikes for the trip or buying fancy gear.  I plan on doing all the bike work myself (except for that work which one of my sponsors, Adams Cyclery in Northport will be providing to help with the set up), and ALL sponsor monies left over after the trip that we don't use will go to Sunrise Day Camp.  So you see, we are not looking to scam people or rip people off or live it up with the high life on the way across country.  We are used to living extremely frugally (is that really a word) and we'll continue doing so.

And yet, we can't get anyone interested in this project.  I really have been working on this and e-mailing and facebooking and doing all I can but I need help.  Amy and I can't do this alone.  But the problem is, no one is helping us.  We are really starting to feel alone in the world, that there must be something wrong with us as people that no one will come forward and offer to help.  We know that there are people that we know (especially on facebook) that have business and know people in business but none of them offer to help. 

We're not doing this to get ourselves in the paper.  We're not doing this so people will look at us and say, "Wow, your family is so incredible, we want to do newspaper articles and a spread in Family Circle/Redbook/The New York Times Magazine on you!"  We just really feel that we need to give back to the world and these children at this camp are in need of help.  Yes, there are other donors out there that help them but of all the causes I have been involved with, none are as important as giving children the gift of hope.  Children who are struggling with one of the most frightening of all diseases and are asked to take on the same treatment and responsibility as people three, four, five times their age.  And yet they face it with all the strength and courage they can muster.  Its only right that they should be provided with a place in the summer where they can forget about the disease for a while and just be kids at camp.

But we can't help them because we can't get people interested in this cause.  At least not people we know or people that have connections.  And what happens to a dream deferred?

Will this dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Will it fester and die?
Will it explode?
Or, to quote another poet, will it exit with a whimper and not with a bang?

I don't know and I'm at my wits end.  I need help.  If anyone IS reading this, look into yourself and see if you believe in this cause.  If the answer is yes, please cast the net about you and see if there is anyone YOU know that might be able to financial help us make this dream a reality.

I hope I'll see you soon, on the road.

What Keeps Me Rolling - Or At Least Upright (most of the time)

So for those of you who know me, you know that  I converted to Catholicism in college.   Some of my big influences during the time of my coversion were one of my fellow RA's (whose name I can't remember but who who I used to tag along with every Sunday), John (the owner of Mustang Donuts where I worked part time)

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and my friend and fellow SMU dancer Michael Shef who faithfully attended with me as I was trying to figure out what all these words were about.  He was really a great example and one of the first New York Catholics I'd ever met - thanks for the guidance Mike!  These three were really the ones who encouraged me in my quest to become Catholic and this trio, along with Father Michael Duca of the SMU Catholic Campus Ministry, were intstrumental in my journey as a catechumen.

While at SMU at learned all about the Jesuit form of Catholicism and that philosphy, coupled with the all accepting college mentality, formed my ideas of my religion.  When I moved to New York City I was lucky to find a similar atmosphere when I joined the congregation of St. Malachy's otherwise known as "The Actor's Chapel".  Again, a community of people who believed in a liberal form of catholicism that encouraged love and acceptance.

However, when we moved out to Long Island we found that the Rockville Center Diocese was a little less than liberal and each of the various congregations I was able to find out here never has felt like home.  Although Father Kelly (the priest who baptised our daughter Sarah at St. Malachy's) also serves the community of Rocky Point, its a bit of a haul.  And its really sad because I have a Catholic church that is literally a baseball's throw (and for any of you that remember me from my Ansbach High School days, you'll remember that I had a pretty good arm as a center fielder so I can throw - I just couldn't hit worth beans, it was long before I realized I needed glasses, not that it would have likely made a difference, but I'm getting off task again aren't I?) from my front yard.  Yes, we go as a family on Christmas Eve and Easter but on a persoanl level I like to go to feel a connection with something bigger than myself but I never feel like the church is "Home".

So I have come to the conclusion that I am Spiritual but I'm not Religious.  I believe in ALMOST all of the precepts of Catholicism but I can't bring myself to doom people to an afterlife of purgatory becuase they love someone the church tells them they shouldn't.  Nor can I bring myself to condemn women for decisions they make with their own bodies or damn people that take precautions (whether married or unmarried) to ensure that women don't have to make those decisions in the first place.  If I blindly followed all the precepts of the church I wouldn't have my three incredibly bright, beautiful and intelligent children who were conceived with the aid of science - a science the church officially does not condone.

I'm reminded of the advice given to me by John who was one of my sponsors as I went through the catechumen process.  John had been educated at The University of Notre Dame and was one of the most religious adult catholics I knew (aside from my parents).  He and his wife Mary would almost never work on Sunday mornings unless they had gone to mass the night before.  Anyway, I voiced my concerns to John about a month before I was to be baptised and he shared with me advice that a Priest at Notre Dame had given him when he voiced similar concerns, "The Pope is the leader of the church but he is still human and he has to guide millions of people from hundreds of cultures and thousands of backgrounds.  All he can do is to give general guidance for the whole church.  The most important thing to do is to listen to that small quiet voice inside of you that will guide you to what is right and what is wrong.  If you listen to it and access it through your beliefs then everything will work out, its only when you no longer hear that small quiet voice that you need to worry."  It took me years to understand that accessing that small quiet voice is what we call prayer, honest true prayer not the bargaining with God prayer that is really just designed to get our butt out of a sling.  I try to do that on a daily basis, using prayer to ask for guidance, strength, wisdom, patience and occasionally to help me deal with the rest of the human race.

Yet sometimes that's not enough.  As my incredibly patient wife Amy (and now my children whom she encourages to poke fun at me) can attest, I have a variety of superstitions.  Many of them don't always work - my biggest being not washing my Dallas Cowboys jersey after they win a game until they lose one, needless to say my jersey has been incredibly clean this year - I may take to wearing all black instead every Sunday for all the good my jersey has done this year.

Of all my rituals perhaps some of my cycling rituals are the most laughable - at least from her standpoint.  I always put on my Lance Armstrong II cycling shoes on the same exact way - the right foot first becuase that's the one with the Texas flag.  I like my water bottles to match.  They don't have to be great ones, I just like them to match or I'll only use one.  And I have to wear my Madonna del Ghisallo medal.  One of the things that my spirituality gives me (you knew that whole preamble about religion had to somehow relate to cycling) is the belief that we can commune with the saints.  Many of the world religions believe in benevolent spirits of our ancestors that hear us and help us in times of need and many of them believe in the power of intercession with these spirits.  A large part of my spirituality truly believes that there are spirits amongst us that hear us and protect us from the stupid things we do in life.  I honestly believe there are guardian angels and others that divert really bad things from happening to us sometimes, at least to me.  I'm not sure why they keep saving my butt but I know beyond a doubt that they have on numerous occasions.

But back to the medal.  Who is the Madonna del Ghisallo?  She is the patron saint of cycling and I have a silver religious medal of her that I had blessed by a priest and I wear next to my crucifix every time I ride.  I had her with me the day of my accident on July 11th and I truly believe that without her I probably would have lost an arm or worse in that accident.

I always put her on around my neck when I get ready to go and she definitely saved my tail on numerous occasions, including TWICE today!  Once when I was in Huntington on my training ride and as I was riding "as far right as is practicable" on the side of the road past a long line of stopped cars when suddenly a car decided it needed to parallel park and turned right into my path.  Something in me allowed me to stop and he stopped his car and I rode on.

Then later, as I was almost home an elderly woman almost "t-boned" me as I was going through an intersection.  I guess she just decided she was faster than me (not to be confused with those who think they're cooler than me) and she was going to make that turn.  Fortunately I screamed loudly enough that it scared the bejeezus out of her (or maybe just soiled her Depends) and she stopped while I passed unscathed about two feet in front of her car.

And I owe it all to the medallion I wear around my neck, which looks like this;

I really believe (in my superstition addled mind) that it is becuase of this divine intervention that I have survived and stayed upright on my bicycle for as long as I have.  As I write this, I have logged a little over 2400 miles of riding this year and my goal is to get as close to 3600 as I can (the distance it would be if I could ever do my cross country ride for Sunrise).  With a little luck, health, and some more intercession, I may just make it!

And I will see you, my friends (and our blessed Madonna del Ghisallo), on the road!

At Last!

So for those of you who have been following the saga of how I made God laugh, today I got some very good news.  After a lot of discussion with the insurance company, we have finally come to a settlement.  All I can say is:

	Etta James - At Last .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Yes, Etta you sing it girl!

It has been a long process, much longer than I thought it would be.  I owe so much thanks to my sister Tamara because without her advice I never would have been able to negotiate the troubled waters that are the insurance agency pitfalls.  I would have felt a lot like this:

So I owe her a lot of thanks for providing me guidance and helping me through this.  I can't yet reveal the settlement but I will say that I learned a lot about negotiating with insurance companies.  I really would have been taken advantage of except I took the time to do the research and, in the words of the instructor who ran our internship seminiars - the incomparable Dr. Schneider, I "asked the people who know."  I had my sister and her supervisor (who so graciously offered his expertise and for that I am incredibly grateful) go over all of the information I had, all of the "offers" the claims adjuster was offering (including all of her arguments as to why I wasn't entitled to what I was asking for as a settlement), and review what I was asking in terms of a settlement.  I even consulted a bicycle injury lawyer who told me I had a case but unless I was asking for extremely high monetary compensation it wasn't worth it for me to retain his services - how is that for the oxymoronic idea of an honest lawyer?   In the end we settled for exactly in the middle of the two numbers we started with in the first place - true negotiation.

On another note, next Wednesday I get to start being not just a written and visual advocate but a  vocal one as well.  I have been invited to speak to the Syosset High School Driver's Education classes on the topic of "Sharing the Road".  I'm thinking about putting together a powerpoint presentation with images of my bike and me from my last accident - I mean it IS before breakfast so maybe the images won't be TOO graphic.

But what I will be sharing with them is the experience that I just settled and also the other two times I've been hit on my bike - almost always by inattentive motorists.  Its a great thing to be able to talk to new drivers and make them aware that if they aren't always attentive to cyclists what the possible consequences can be.  I mean I'm lucky becuase I haven't been "seriously" injured (aside from some stitches) but I have friends who have been and those are some of the stories I can talk about as well.  I'm also hoping that by putting a personal face on cyclists to them they may become a little more aware.  If it saves at least one cyclist from getting hit by a car then it will all be worth it.

And on another note, I have officially given up this year's football season may the 2010 Cowboys Rest In Peace.  Now I'm looking forward to the start of next year's cycling season - at least in the meantime I have Cyclocross!!!!

Oh well, time to get back on the road - I'll see you there.

Lessons Come From All Places

With all due respect to my colleagues across the globe who think they are the be all and end all of knowledge (there aren't really any that I know personally but people tell me they are out there) that reign supreme over their little fiefdoms once the door is shut, this post is about something we all need to think about - how do we CONTINUE to learn?

Sure, we can take classes such as continuing education courses, online enrichment courses or entire in graduate study courses like the one I'm currently enrolled in at The College of New Rochelle in Educational Leadership.  One of the elements of the mission statement for the program states, "Leaders never stop learning and honing their skills."

Why do we need mission statements to do this?  Shouldn't we always thrive to continue learning and growing every day?  I know as a cyclist I do.  Every since my accident, I have learned to REALLY look for ANY sign that someone is going to open a door.  The first time I got hit on my bicycle I learned never to trust that they are NOT going to make a right turn when they pass me before an intersection (because when you do trust them they make a sudden "Oh, yeah I want to go that way" and you end up as a side sticker on their vehicle).  Of course, I didn't TOTALLY learn that lesson until the second time it happened (Father's Day 2009) when a late for work Pet Shop employee turned into me as he was trying to get into the parking lot to open the shop (it was 9:02 and he was late, my bad). 

And there was the time when I was nine when I learned that when you are making a home made bow and arrow set at the lake in the middle of nowhere because you're bored of fishing, its never a good idea to make the arrow notches with the arrow (and knive blade) facing towards you - if the wood splits, the sharp (and rusty) knife could travel the four inches to your thumb.  I had ten stitches to remember that lesson.  And the time that I learned its not a good idea to ride your Texaco tanker truck on your stomach down a really large hill.  The truck looked like this;

while I looked kind of like this:


(This is not really me, but it's pretty close to what I looked like every time I rode my truck)

And you have to imagine that cute little rash over most of the front of my body and my arms.  I was only about five at the time so it took 15 or so times (and about five Texaco trucks) to have that lesson sink in but I did learn that human skin and asphalt don't mix very well. 

So my fellow practitioners of Zen-type positive thoughts, as evolving humans we need to remember that lessons can be found everywhere we look.  I myself am learning lessons on a daily basis from my students.  Indeed there are many days where I feel much more like Ralph Macchio/David Carradine than Pat Morita/Keye Luke.  My students teach me new things all the time and a case in point is my college acting class over the last two days (shout outs to Jillian, Hannah, Alex, Paige, Joe, Karthik, and Katherine).  If we are open to the messages of the universe, knowledge can come from any corner of it.

One of the things I have been learning about in the last few days came from this video that one the students in my College Theatre class showed us in his playwrights presentation.  He chose the playwright Suzanne-Lori Parks (Topdog/Underdog) and she was recently the keynote speaker at a national Theatre Educator's conference.  In it she had this to say;

During her interview I was struck by her words, "we need to find ways to continue and not just to survive, but to thrive" to give back to each other and not just try to get by.  I think that is a lesson that Amy and I are working on a lot this year - to make sure that we and our family experience life as we live it, maybe not every, every moment (can you tell I've been working on Our Town) but at least most of the time.  We ALL get so tied up in the day to day survival that we forget to experience and to enjoy the experience.  My students are teaching me the need to do that.  I am seeing so many of my seniors stressed out to the max this year - AT THE TENDER AGE OF 17!   They are so worried about college and admissions and resumes and auditions that they are not enjoying the every day friendships that they have.  As a result I see (and hear) too many of them "enjoying" themselves in what can best be described as "questionable" ways.

And doesn't that happen in life?  How many people come home from a stressful day at the job only to break open a beer or mix a drink (or two, or three).  Yes, I know it is their Constitutional Right (I think it comes under pursuit of happiness) but is it healthy?  Is it thriving?  Or is it just surviving?

Another lesson that has been taught to me is the reminder that theatre folk, even the young ones, are unlike any other folk I know.  ACT was approached a few days ago with a proposition.  In case you're not aware, many disturbing studies have been coming out lately showing that bullying is on the rise, including ones that show that half of high school kids admit they've been bullied.  Other people purport to tell us how to stop the bullying but how do we really get it to stop.  Others brush it off by saying its always been around and that's just the nature of kids.  However, with the rise of technology bullying is taking on cyber speed and cyber brutality.   It has even touched close to home and I remember being bullied as a child myself, often running home one of seven different routes just to avoid the five or six kids who wanted to pound on me or torment me.  This type of thing kept happening to me until I was thirteen and I finally snapped and ended up fighting one of my tormentors and breaking his cheekbone.  People left me alone after that.  However, in this day and age where the NRA has rampant members everywhere exercising their right to arm bears, I wouldn't always suggest beating up your tormentors as the way to handle the issue - especially if you happen to be in a small Southern town like I was.

Anyway, back to my story.  ACT was approached with the idea of perhaps putting our Shakespeare production on hold this year and instead bringing back a production we had done five years ago, The Laramie Project.  This would be part of a school wide initiative that would involve lots of student groups coming together to make a stand against bullying and intolerance and making a definitive statement that bullying is wrong!  As much as I like to call them "my kids" I really wasn't going to make this a unilateral decision and dictate the actions of the club - the seniors especially deserve a voice in their final show. 

So we had a meeting yesterday morning and I explained how we were asked to do this and the pros and cons but I told them to then discuss it and let our club president know their decision.  Well Jillian was tireless in making sure everyone got a voice with the result that we are going to take on this play again.  Now I can't say it will be the same production as we had with Alex Mogil, Jaimee Diamond, Shanna Ossi, Robin Sutker, Daniel DiLauro, Ally Giogio, Erin Zanfardino and all those others incredible actors but it will be amazing none the less.  I have a really talented group of actors this year and I know that they will do the memory of Matthew proud and if we change things so that just one student doesn't get bullied anymore then it will all be worth it - the chance to use our talents to make a difference.

So the more and more it looks like the cross country ride will happen (more of that in a future blog) riding to thrive and not just survive is one of the main reasons I ride and, more importantly, why I feel the need to ride my bike to help others.  I ride to keep my sanity.  I ride to figure out my life.  I ride so I can thrive.  I ride for the others who no longer can ride and for those who are no longer with us because of cancer.  I ride because by riding I can make a difference.

I'll see you on the road!