Yin and Yang Keeps All in Harmony

I'm not sure if Buddha ever rode a bicycle (even though he could have built his own out of bamboo).  Of course to do that he might have to travel to the exotic land of Brook - lyn to do so which is a far trek from Shangri La.  And under no circumstances should this be confused with the group Sha Na Na which started as a group called "The Kingsmen" back in 1969.  They had their own television variety show for a while.  If you never saw them, this is what they look(ed?) like performing "Get A Job" in 1973 which they actually performed in 1969 at Woodstock - yes THE Woodstock;



And what does all of this have to do with anything you may ask?  Its all about the Yin and Yang of Life.  Let's take a little journey, shall we?

For many of you who know me,  I have spent most of my life growing up in a Korean-American household.  This means I've gotten some really different influences in my life that I'm very grateful for but at the same time probably contributed to the Gemini/bi-polar mess that I am.  For those of you who have followed this blog, you know that I spent my misspent high school years in Germany at Ansbach American High School.  While there I participated in a variety of activities including sports (football, wrestling, soccer, baseball), band (marching, concert, jazz) and drama/forensics.  I was a very busy boy and yet I still managed to keep my grades up enough to be in the National Honor Society.  I have no idea how that happened. 

Anyway one of the other things I did while there to tap into my Korean heritage was to take Tae Kwon Do lessons.  Now I probably could have taken a form of Karate, or Kung Fu but my cousin was living with us at the time and he had some previous experience with Tae Kwon Do as well so I worked with him and with a teacher who was stationed at the base.  He was completely old school and we worked our butts off almost every day for two years.  We learned forms, we learned to use weapons and we learned to fight in a controlled environment.  I even went to a tournament once and I did okay but no trophy.  The point was he was old school and he treated us fairly but firmly and we respected him and really learned the material.  With my cousin's help I worked very hard and I advanced to second degree green belt in two years but that's as far as I got.  Now when I mean "old school" I don't necessarily mean this;



or even quite like this (sorry, this one is from Brazil so its in Portuguese - but if you've seen the movie you know what's going on);




So, no he didn't use anything to trick us into it rather he just made us work hard although I wouldn't have been adverse to this "old school" technique;



No, it was just hard work and lots of practice, drilling and sparring.  And we NEVER used pads.  We used mouthpieces most of the time but never EVER with pads.  I remember my cousin clocking me in the mouth with a spinning back roundhouse kick that knocked me off my feet.  That was cool to see coming at you but not so much when it hit.  My point is that "old school" training or even "back in the day" training (to see when that was just check below)

(you see it ranges from the front haunches to the mid spine - borrowed from Bikesnob NYC)

when you were really training to learn the art and the reason behind the technique and the traditions behind it you would never see five-year-old black belts trave;ing around and giving demonstrations or young Circassian boys getting their black belts in Tae Kwon Do;



Yes, they may have learned the "moves" but the maturity and understanding to use it correctly is not always there.  Nor the respect or the patience or the multitude of other things.  Now some may say, "well its not REAL, its only a junior black belt" but to the kids when they are bragging/telling others there is no distinction made.  They simply say "I'm a black belt".  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous but let's be realistic here and see the real problem.  Everyone is after quick results and instant gratification.  A black belt in five years (that's assuming they started right out of the womb).  Where is the balance?  Where is the harmony?  How can there truly be any?

Why do you ask am I even talking about any of this at all?  Well today was a day of experience the true nature of Yin and Yang and the ebb and flow of balance.  Today was a day of sadness for me, much more than I thought I would have but it truly was difficult for me.  I had been preparing for it all week but  when it actually came it was a bit more than I excpected.  You see, today was my last day at Sunrise for the next two years.  Next summer I won't be at camp since at this time next year I should be somewhere in Western Virginia getting for the final push up the coast.   Yes, at long last it will REALLY happen, either solo or supported but next summer Connor's Army XC happens.

As exciting as that will be it was saddening to know that I won't be back, especially when so many of the campers told me how much they would miss me and drama.  This year I was the only drama teacher so I got to see every single kid in camp from the smallest Acorns to the oldes CIT's and all the counselors in between.  I saw some kids who couldn't be bothered to try drama become some of the first to volunteer or to come up to me during the day and say "what are we doing in drama today?"  Although I reall missed being able to teach dance as well, being the only drama teacher this summer really allowed me to make some connections - connections I hope will last me two years.

To counter act this Yin (blackness, negativity, sadness) was a good deal of Yang (whiteness, positivity, happiness) to even everything all out.

To begin with, after months of having pain in my lower back area and putting off going to the orthopedist, I finally went yesterday morning and found out I have sacralization of my L5 vertabrae.  Although I'll have to go to physical therapy (the Yin) I won't have to have surgery (the Yang) at least for now - Yay!

Secondly, we finally have our donation link up on the Sunrise Day Camp home page!  You can see it by going here - and if you happen to feel moved to make a donation - even better.  Go Yang!

Thirdly, I have been working with a camper who is a high school student (i.e., Leadership) and he came to camp with very little swimming experience.  He is an accomplished athlete and has great power but hasn't really swam much in the past.  I've been working with him to try to get him from level two (the small three foot pool with elementary/middle school kids) to the big pool (i.e., four to six foot).  We've had our ups and downs and he has gotten so close on so many occasions but the swim instructors were hesitant to put him up above.  Well today he made it!!!!!!   He was so incredibly happy and they let him stay there.  I was so proud of him and what he's accomplished!  Again, go Yang!

And lastly, we've been working on trying to get a sprinkler system and a patio put into our back yard.  The patio is not so important but I just don't want my grass to completely die while we're away next summer so we're putting in a system to keep it watered during the two months we're away.  We just found out that the company putting in the system might be interested in sponsoring us!  Woohoo!  Even if it's not much, every little bit helps and we'll be able to have the money we need to pay for gas!!!!!!

Now all this good news/bad news may not completely give me inner peace like our friend here;



but it really makes the sadness of not seeing my Sunrise family for two years (except for the occasional Sunrise Sunday) a little easier to bear (get it?).

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.

A Lead Sail is Not Always a Bad Thing

So for the last few days I had been very nervous.  You see, I had made a cycling "date" with a riding friend of mine, Michael Foresto, to go for a ride.  Of course, this was not without a small amount of "negotiation" with the family.  Weekends are family time and there is often a lot of things for us to do together.  However, my wife realized that it was a good thing for me to get out and try to ride with others, at least once in a while.

So Michael and I had been going back and forth for about a week trying to figure out when and where we would ride and we finally settled on yesterday and we still weren't sure exactly where we would go but we agreed we would try to tackle a bunch of moderate climbs. 

Now there were a couple of reasons that I was very nervous about this, not the least of which was the fact that I think I'm not in the best of shape right now.  The first is that Michael is an amazing athlete.  All you have to do is look at a listing of his accomplishments to know that he is a pretty damn intimidating cyclist.  Back when I rode somewhat semi-regularly with the AA group of the Huntington Bicycle Club he was always one of the ones that would be off the front leaving us all panting in his wake.  Okay, maybe not ALL of us, but almost always I would be huffing and puffing.

The second reason I was nervous about the ride was because he had invited a friend of his, Glen Corso who just happens to be a world class ice speed skater (although I didn't find out about this until a little bit into the ride).  As it was, Mike and I had been facebooking back and forth and bemoaning our lack of fitness.  Since we were planning to do some hills I thoroughly envisioned myself looking like this;

(Can you see them?  I think they're over the next hill! *puff, puff*)

So I did everything I could to prepare for the ride.  I laid out everything the night before (shoes, shorts, jersey, pump, etc.), I cleaned and lubed my bike, I hydrated like crazy, and I got a good night's sleep.  We were meeting at the Dunkin' Donuts in Greenlawn (which it turns out is only a really good baseball throw from Michael's house) so I left a bit early so I could get a hit of caffeine to give me energy on the ride.

Michael and Glen got there and we rolled out and I immediately knew I would be hurting - these guys are serious riders!  We even ran into a couple of other riders who had been following us and then as they passed us up the hill Glen took off saying, "I can't just let them pull away from us like this" or something to that effect.  I thought, "Crap, I'm going to be dropped next".  It was then that I realized Michael was suffering too.  He was showing pretty classic signs of dehydration even though he had been drinking a lot of fluids.  Now you have to understand, Mike has been through a hell of a lot physically.  He was a extremely serious body builder (and you can find the pictures online to prove it) when he was in a serious accident in 1993.  He lost his left arm above the elbow but he still managed to compete in body building competitions and even race his bicycle on the track.  He is also diabetic and has some other complications that have started to hit him lately.  Yet I am in awe of him as a cyclist and with what he has been able to accomplish both as an athlete and as an exercise physiologist.  However, he was hurting and he kept apologizing by saying, "sorry to be your lead sail and your paper anchor."

Now I was not really doing much better and I was happy with the fact that we were hitting some hills but not sprinting up them the way the Open guys of HBC would be doing..  I'm still trying to get my fitness base back (yes, I know its VERY late in the season) so I was happy to just spin up the hills.  But he kept apologizing and although I am a font of useless knowledge, I never did get the reference.  Well, now that I have done some research I find it is the title of a song by a band named ATREYU and here it is;

	ATREYU - Lead Sails Paper Anchor - Track 1 .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

It may not be to the tastes of some of you since it is what is considered "metalcore" but I like it and I think I'll put it (and a few more of their tracks) on my iPod in my cycling playlist.   It certainly makes me pedal faster.

Afterwards we found ourselves back at Mike's house and we had some coffee and chatted a bit.  The more I learn about him (and Glen for that matter) the more I was humbled that I was riding with these guys.  They truly are inspirational.  Mike in particular has come through so much and still finds a way to keep pushing forward and finding better ways to do things.  We should all have his spirit and his fight.  And as for Glen, now knowing his palmares in the ice speed skating world, I'm glad I didn't challenge him to a sprint!

What does all this have to do with Connor's Army, the mission and how we can help Sunrise?  Well, basically, we can't stop fighting, we cant' stop pushing and we can't stop searching for the answer to the question, "how can I/We beat this?"  For it can be done.  It may not happen overnight and it may not happen in the time that we want it to but we can get it done if we keep pushing ahead.  We won't always feel on top of our game and we may even feel like we are holding others back, but you never know who you're going to inspire and who is going to want to push a little bit harder because they see what we are doing. 

We (and by that I mean I) can only hope that such will be the case as we go cross country next year.  There will be days when I will feel like I'm just on a treadmill and that I'm not getting anywhere but if I just tuck my head down and keep climbing/pushing/pedaling through it I can get through.  Its my hope that my example will not only raise some much needed funds for these kids but also raise some awareness to the battle these kids face every day and yet they go on and they fight through and they embrace life - so should we all!

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

Happiness is......

"What is the meaning of life?  To be happy and useful."

                                                Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

So with all of this talk about recession and debt ceilings and the doings (or not doings as the case may be) of our government it makes me wonder what it takes to be happy in today's society.  One school of thought is that you need to have more stuff and have all the toy and luxery items you could ever possibly desire and once you attain them you'll have happiness.  Unfortunately, the pursuit of "stuff" can lead you to feel like a rat in a maze:

(And we keep on going....where's the cheese?)

But what happens when you do get all the money and the stuff?  What would you do with it?  Would you purchase the world's most expensive yacht?

(At least gold doesn't tarnish!)

However, as I have a tendency to get seasick - a fact that causes my wife (who grew up sailing) no end of chagrin - that probably wouldn't be so feasible for me.

Or possibly you could purchase the world's most expensive home?

(I always wanted a home where I could park my 160 bikes cars)

And I have to say it would be great to have all that space but as it is in Mumbai, India it would be a real pain to commute by bike.  I'll have to pass on the house.

Ahhhhh but what about the bike?  Despite Lance Armstrong's assertions in his book, sometimes it is about the bike! And this sweet little ride, priced at a mere $102,417.60, is a gold fixed-gear from Aurumania;

(Forget the teeth bling, ride this through the 'hood)

Now I have to say I was hoping Andy Schleck would be able to pull it off!  I was really rooting for him and his brother to pull off the 1-2 on the podium of the Tour but alas it looks like Cadel Evans (yes, of "touch my dog and I'll kill you" fame)



will be the winner.  Despite Andy's amazing ride on Thursday he and brother Frank will take the podium 2-3 instead.  So its clear that all their money and the backing of the new Leopard-Trek team did not bring them happiness.

Or, for those of you with the 160 bicycles to park in the house in Mumbai, would you prefer to have one of these little babies custom installed on your property?   Would that make you happy?

So its clear that money can buy you lots of stuff?  But will all the stuff make you happy?

(This guy is obviously in search of some minimalism)

Its' truly hard to tell which side of the fence George Carlin is on;

Now according to my wife, I fall into that category of having way too much stuff.  Of course, I don't quite fall into the "Mythbusters" category of happiness that can be summed up in this Marine Corps bumper sticker;

(Not practical but I sure would like to shoot one - at targets, of course)

No, I think I adhere more to the warm puppy and surrounding yourself with family school of happiness.  Its taken me a long time to get there and I really am trying to be more "content" with what God (or fate, or karma or the Great Spirit or Earth Mother) have given me.   Perhaps a trip back to our youth and the simplicity of "Peanuts" would be a helpful reminder;



14 Happiness (From _You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown_).m4a

Powered by mp3skull.com

Perhaps its as simple as that.  To have someone who you love to be with and not worry about all the stuff and the what, just the who!

I'm reminded of this every day this summer at Sunrise as I go into the building we call "The Cooler".  There is a sign posted outside the trooper room (which are the kindergarten aged campers) that says, "Happiness is not something you experience, its something you remember".  And maybe its as simple as that, its about making memories of happy times that can last you when all the stuff loses its charm (or gets lost, broken, sold, worn out, boring).

For instance one of my all time favorite riding moments happened just this morning as I was riding back home.  I was about 18 miles into a 30 mile ride when a rabbit that was on the side of the road got startled by my presence.  I was cooking along at 25 miles an hour so I thought he (she?) would just hop into the bushes and that would be the end of it.  However, my bunny friend ran along side me only three feet from my bike for a good 50 feet.  Ultimately, in our impromptu drag race I think the bunny one, but only becuase it jumped into the bushes.  I've had lots of great bike memories and many of them are chronicled in the pages of this blog (including gorgeous sunrises, climbing mountain passes and finishing my first century) but of the memories that will cause me to smile for a long time this has got to be up on the list.

I'm hoping that next summer we'll have a lot more of them to show as I replay the greatest hits in my mind.  We are getting closer every day to our departure date from San Diego.  Right now I'm in the process of starting to use all the gift cards I've been given over the years to outfit Pearl for the journey.  I'm still hoping for an angel or two to come forward and help us with our sponsorships but I know we'll be able to get Pearl ready for her journey.

In my many eclectic readings I have come across another quote that I think describes the missions of Connor's Army perfectly.  It is by the writer Leo C. Rosten and he writes, "I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be "happy." I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

My fellow counselors and specialists at Sunrise do this every day during the summer.  I'm hoping to take it one step further next summer and make just a bit more of a difference that I have lived.  If I can do that and make some memories with my family on the journey, then that will be happiness.

Well that's all for now.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road!

Far Too Long - The Long and Winding Road

So all I can say is I'm sorry!  Looking at my blog I see that June 8th was the last time I wrote anything.  Tha'ts not to say that so much hasn't been swirling in my head, its just finding the time to sit down and put it down on paper, er, cyberspace.  I think part of my issue is that I feel like EVERYTHING I write has to be meaningful when in reality the purpose of this blog is not to provide enlightenment but rather information.  This blog was really conceived as a way to keep those of you who support Connor's Army updated on how things are going with our various fundraising efforts in fighting cancer.  Somewhere along the journey I got it into my head that if I wasn't scintillating or incredibly entertaining people would read my blog.  I think in the last few days I've realized that although we only have 52 OFFICIAL followers (and you incredibly special people know who you are), chances are there are many more people who do follow our blog (or at least did) and just didn't sign up.  Maybe some of you check periodically but have seen that nothing much has been going on.
Well, that is all going to change today.  First of all, A LOT has been going on in the last six weeks.  Too much to put all into one large blog entry so I'll break it up in installments as the days/weeks go on.  If you are new to our reading this blog, you can catch up on where we are by reading some of the older postings.  There are a lot (though not as many for 2011 as I really should have) and they can really tell you a lot about who we are and where we've come from.

Secondly, you can now sign up to be notified by e-mail whenever a new entry goes up so you don't have to keep wasting your time checking back to see if there is a new update - but of course, if that has been your personal cure for insomnia, I don't want to deprive you of that simply joy.  Speaking of which, here is a nice recording of it for those of you who missed it when I posted it before;

	Beautiful Small Machines - Simple Joys - MASTERED .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

A little electronica remix by the group Beautiful Small Machines - check them out if you've never heard of them at their website.  They describe themselves thusly on their myspace.com profile;

Beautiful Small Machines may be synthetic, but they’re not stupid. Caught somewhere between the 70’s, 80’s and deep space, this electro-pop duo (Bree Sharp, Don DiLego) learned about comedy from adult swim and heartache from Philip K. Dick and they’re spewing it all back out at you like a bunch of mandroids on whiskey and psycho-pharmaceuticals. Fun, Sad, Creepy and Clever – Beautiful Small Machines is the retro-future.

But I digress - which, if you've followed my blog is not that uncommon - my friend Danielle and I (actually she's a former student whose become a family friend now) usually go into these long rambling stream-of-consciousness correspondences so I think I've discovered that my brain just works that way - I make connections and my mind follows.  It might be a Gemini thing, I'm not sure.

Anyway, back to the point.  An incredible amount of exciting things have happened in the Connor household since my last blog entry.  The first is that (as it is for most everyone) it is summer vacation!!!!!!!  Now I love my job and I think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world to be able to do what I do with students who are so passionate about creating art and to be able to raise a family doing it.  But I do enjoy the (only slightly) more laid back pace of summer.  I don't have to worry about attendance or schedules or grades - I can just enjoy the days.

Now, my enjoying the days is different than someone elses.  Of course, given my own devices I would be either riding my bike all day or reading (right now I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation to see the last movie and in case you - like me - are wondering why Tobuscus hasn't done a parody of the trailer yet, here is a fairly good substitute).  Or watching movies like this one;




But I am fortunate in that I do have a great job for the summer as well - one that rejuvenates me and reminds me what life is all about - working at Sunrise Day Camp!  To see the difference this camp makes in the lives of these campers is truly a humbling experience.  This year is a little different in that I'm only teaching drama instead of dance and drama but in doing so, I work with EVERY single camper in the entire camp from ages 3 1/2 (the Acorns) to 16 (the CIT group) and to see these kids have fun with drama and see them create and play really reminds me of why I do what I do during the year!  It makes next summer even more important.

And the second reason for the title of this blog now becomes clear - it is going to be far too long before we get on the road!  It will be a long and winding road to get to where we need to go and I appreciate all of you that have supported us.

For those of you new to reading this blog, we have had a few "missions" over the years since Connor's Army was created.  We've raised $13,000 for The American Cancer Society, we've held a few Victory Rides (the most recent one to benefit Sunrise Day Camp) and we've even enlisted Sarah to help in our efforts.

Our latest mission is our most important one yet - we are going to raise $50,000 for Sunrise!  It won't be easy and we still have a lot of underwriting sponsorship we need to procure to make it completely happen but we're well on our way.  We have some supportive sponsors already, we have 780 followers on our facebook page (yes, you can click on the blue to add us to your likes or just click on the button in the upper right of the page), and today we just had our first article in a national bicycling magazine - Bicycle Times.  They are now one of our sponsors and we're hoping to reach even more sponsors now.

Why "far too long"?  Because as of right now we are not scheduled to leave San Diego until June 23rd, 2012.  Its a long way off and there is lots of work to be done but part of me can't wait to get started with the riding.  This past year we lost three of our Sunrise campers to this damnable disease.  I've lost another couple of friends to the disease and one of my colleagues, Jeff Rozran, is now fighting his own battle with lung cancer.  This journey cannot begin soon enough for with every pedal stroke I'll be fighting this disease for my family, my friends, my colleagues and my campers.

We have a little less than a year now and we still need sponsors.  We keep hoping that a few more "angels" will step forward and offer to help us.  Its become very frustrating becasue we keep reaching out to various businesses but we never receive an answer.  Not even a "no" just silence.  And although the sound of silence can sometimes be a wonderful thing and can help you reach that state of inner peace;



(Everybody say Ommmm)

or maybe yours looks more like this;

(Everybody say Kung Fu Panda)

However, the sound of silence has not brought any inner peace to us.  It has really perplexed us and left us wondering what we have to do to find the truth of the matter is that we need help to be able to make this happen.  If any of you reading this have any ideas, let us know as we are willing to try any angle to help us raise the funds we need to make this happen.  We know that now we are starting to make the PR connections the donations to the camp can start to flow into the camp.  Our hope is that people will see what we are trying to do and will open their hearts and their purses to these children.  I mean, if we could raise $12,000 with me just commuting 2,000 miles in an entire year, we should be able to generate $50,000 for me doing the same thing in just 70 days.  But we need to find an angel (or two).

	Thrice - Send Me An Angel .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

And that is part of why this is far too long.  The mileage doesn't bother me - I know we can do it.  I just want us to get started, to get started in fight and to get these campers the funds that will make an incredible summer possible for them.

And now one last song to get us all in the mood.  Every day as they cross the camp, a group of campers called the Timon Boys sing their own version of a classic Queen song, "We Will Rock You".  Instead of "We will" they sing "Timon Boys" will rock you!  So bear that in mind as you listen to an oldie but goodie;

	Queen - We Will Rock You .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Stay well and I'll see you on the road (and in this blog MUCH more often)!

Viewing the World through a Meisnerian Approach

Sanford Meisner (1905 - 1997)

Disclaimer:  Okay, so I know I said I was going to try to update this blog a bit more but life keeps getting in the way.  As of right now I have two other blog entries that are as of yet unfinished that I hope to finish in the next day or so and then I'll post those as well.  In the meantime, I really wanted to get this "Eureka" moment out to all (52) of my followers.  Of course, if you want to invite YOUR friends to follow that would be great!

And now on to our (ir)regularly scheduled blog:

For those of you who don't know, the gentleman in the photo above is Sanford Meisner one of the pioneers of American theatre. 

For Meisner, acting was about reproducing honest emotional human reactions. He felt the actor’s job was simply to prepare for an experiment that would take place on stage. The best acting, he believed, was made up of spontaneous responses to the actor’s immediate surroundings. Meisner explained that his approach was designed "to eliminate all intellectuality from the actor’s instrument and to make him a spontaneous responder to where he is, what is happening to him, what is being done to him."

The primary tool Meisner employed in preparing his students was spontaneous repetition. Among his many exercises was one in which two actors looked directly at each other and one would described a feature of the other. After this, the two actors would simply say the phrase back and forth. Because the phrases (such as, "You have soft eyes") came from a physical reality apparent to the actors, the statement retained meaning no matter how often they were repeated.

Another one of Meisner's tenets is that the foundation of acting is the reality of doing. So you may be asking yourself what exactly does that mean? The reality of doing means to actually do something not "pretend" you’re doing it. For example if you are suppose to be listening really listen not pretend to listen.  The point of the Meisner technique is to act TRUTHFULLY under imaginary circumstances. Note the word truthfully.

Meisner, of all the decendents of Stanislavski, was very focused on one of the most ignored elements of Stanislavski's system - Communion.  For Stanislavski, communion menat not only the communiction between scene partners, but between the actor and himself, and between the actor and the audience, although Meisner was most interested in it as it related to scene partners.  He realized that two actors could be in a scene, have created great characters, be playing great actions, be emotionally truthful and still fail the scene - what gives crackling energy and tension to a scene is the interaction between characters.

Okay, bear with me - it does all have to do with life, cycling and the bigger picture.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to perform in two separate productions in the space of three days.  One of them was the annual SHS dance concert in which Jessica Farina, Marisa Sanders and myself performed a pas de trois to Adele's "Someone Like You".  If you're not familiar with the song, it goes like this;



I would show you the video of us dancing but quite frankly, I hate to see myself dance.  Everyone who saw it enjoyed it but I fear that my technique ain't what it used to be (of course, not much of me is what it used to be but that's fodder for another blog).  Anyway, the story was pretty much that of the lyrics - a woman is singing about the man that used to be in her life but for whatever reason has moved on and married someone else.  The protagonist is talking about how she regrets not being with him and that she knows someone will come along and she's hoping it will be someone like him.  Pretty deep stuff for a singer/songwriter who is only 23 years old!

Despite all three of us feeling bleh about our technique it went as well as it did mainly becuase the connection we kept with each other.  I know that for myself I was acutely aware of where the other two dancer were on stage and what I had to do to adjust to partner them or to stay in unison with them.  Never mind that the only chance we had to rehearse together were stolen moments in the hall during third period, eighth period, or a few times at the end of Jessica's sixth period class.  We were able to support each other because of the connection we had developed in working on this piece.

Then we had the other performance I was involved with which was The Star Playhouse's Production of Oliver!  Unfortunately, I don't have any photos of me in the show since they were taken on opening night and I was tending to the closing night of The Laramie Project at SHS.   About the only thing I made it into was a publicity still;

(Yep, that's me in the back left tapping into my Irish roots - everyone said I made a great drunk!  I guess it was too much Strasberg training and all that sense memory work!)

But there are some great shots of the family in action.  This first is from "Food" and William and James are the little guys down front with Sarah being the third standing from left;

(Couldn't you just eat them up?)

And here they are again in "Consider Yourself"';

(Can you hear the people sing?)

And here is my lovely wife in one of her show stopping moments kicking up her heels in "Oom Pah Pah";

(I told you Gin NOT Beer!)

And finally in her heart wrenching performance of "As Long as He Needs Me";

(I could just stare at this one forever)

I would watch her every night from the wings so grateful that she was my wife, because quite frankly, I need her.  It truly was a joy to be able to watch my family perform from the on stage and wing view.  I had the chance to do that last year with Amy in A Chorus Line but it was so much fun to be able to watch the boys (and Sarah) perform in their first show from the wings - they were so good (and that's not just a proud daddy talking - they really are amazing on stage).

The only down side of the experience (aside from the long rehearsals and going over "Consider Yourself" about 200 times) was that I really didn't have a part in the show.  As a matter of fact, one of the women who I performed A Chorus Line with came to see the show (not knowing I was in it) and after the show she said, "you were in the show?" - ahh, that hurt.  However, I did learn something important in this show.  As someone who was not a role, I was left to my own devices to create a character and to create some sort of reason for being in the scene.  It was important for me to do this without resorting to the type of DelSartean tactics of my peers on stage.   I realized that I had to do exactly what I've been telling my students to do - create a connection on stage!  So, resorting back to Stanislavski's circles of attention, I kept trying to focus myself on expanding concentring rings around me to maintain contact and focus on everything around me starting with the closest environ and work my way outwards, sort of like this;

(The Serenity of Focus)

And I found that by focusing on what was around me and where I was supposed to be I was in the moment - and I was connected to my fellow actors.  Now granted, much to my chagrin I did allow myself to engage in a little theatrical tomfoolery!  When Dodger comes in and tells them that Oliver was snatched in Londonderry I usually would go off on a tangent about Lingonberries and how I loved them on pancakes, especially on the little flat ones with powdered sugar and you roll them up like my brother-in-law Per does.  Now remember we ARE supposed to be drunk and in a bar so I was also saying this in my best Jack Sparrow impersonation;

(Yes, but why is the rum gone?)

But when it was all said and done I realized that even when you're given no direction, its up to you as an artist to create that connection with your fellow actors and with the world you are creating on stage.  Without those connections you are adrift.

(WARNING!  ESOTERIC CONNECTION TO LIFE ALERT!)

And that's when I had my ephiphany that has continued to strike me through the course of this week.  Too much of the time I think many of us (okay, I know I do) go through life so focused on our our immediate needs that we forget to connect with those around us - we forget to have that communion that is so important.  We go through life "pretending" to have conversations but we're really focused on other things.  Instead of listening and responding to the information we're being given, we are already thinking about our "lines" and what we'll say when its our turn to speak.

I think this also goes for activitis and hobbies, don't pretend to do things - do them!  And that is why I now have a renewed purpose to make this cross country ride happen for the kids.  I think for too long I have liked the idea of it and hoped that somehow another "angel" like Smiles for Scott would come forward and offer to help us.  Well, I recently learned that the phrase "God helps those who help themselves" isn't really in the Bible but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take the initiative and try to do the work on our own.  It may be that no more major "angels" come forth.  It may be that I have to go out and find a whole lot of little "angels" instead.  I know they're always watching so maybe I can get one with "training wings" (you have to forward to 7:33 to get the connection but it's really a great scene and the stadium scene always makes me cry);



The point being I have to stop "pretending" to plan this ride and actually get around to planning it.  I have the maps, I just need to get the fundraising done.  Its a long process but it means I have to get to writing more e-mails, letters, and make personal appeals to try and raise this last bit of fundage.

And on another note, a dear colleague of mine Jeff Rozran has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.  He just found out today that it is now stage four but he is positive that he is going to beat it.  I've spent far too little time talking to Jeff.  Yes, we coment in the hall and he comes and sees the shows and gives great praise to the kids but I don't ask him enough about what is going on.  I only found out yesterday about his cancer when everyone else has known for weeks.  And its all because I get my blinders on and focus on my lines instead of really listening to what is happening around me.

So today I rode in honor of Jeff, never mind the fact that it was 92 degrees and incredibly humid.  I'll ride again tomorrow, even though its going to be hotter and more humid, because in comparison to all the pain Jeff is about to go through, it is nothing.  I will channel positive energy and strength to him with every pedal stroke I take - and I will really do it and not pretend.

Well, my vow is to now do my best to have a deeper communion with my family, my friends and with my mission to raise $50,000 for the kids of Sunrise Day Camp - and if some angels do want to help, I won't mind the divine intervention.

Stay well and I'll see you on the road.